Admission of Guilt

Writers: AL, Cali
Date Posted: 16th January 2010

Characters: Sorsha, Ri'len
Description: Ri'len admits his transgression to Sorsha.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 7, day 5 of Turn 5

Ri'len sat on their bed, his face grim. He should have had more control over himself. At least it hadn't gone farther than it had, but shards, what if it _had_? He could understand _during_ a flight when his dragon had caught. That much he learned from Monilath's first chase. But the kiss had happened after it was over. Yes, he had still been reeling from the effects of the flight, but still. It troubled him. And Sorsha needed to know, even if Ri'len didn't want to tell her.

Sorsha ran into their weyr, closing the door behind her as she caught her breath. "Roseth said Monilath chased. I got here as soon as I could get away."

If only she had managed to get to him sooner. Then he wouldn't have been caught up in that mess. It wasn't her fault, he just wished it could have been that way. "Yeah. He chased." He didn't really want to tell her. He had even contemplated not telling her - but Ri'len didn't want any secrets between them, so he would do it even if he didn't want to. "He didn't catch."

"I know, Roseth told me." It was the first thing she'd asked her green. She still had mixed feelings about the fact that Monilath was of chasing age. She wanted the bronze to win, especially if it was a gold, but she didn't want to share Ri'len with anyone. "How do you feel? Do you need me or is it not as bad as they said it would be?"

"It was very bad." Shards, he wished he had gotten under more control! He was going to have to be very, very careful from then on. Ri'len really didn't want to be with anyone else, especially if Monilath didn't catch a dragon. "I...kissed another woman."

Sorsha had started slipping off her boots, ready to help Ri'len through his need, but froze as she processed his last words. "What?"

"I was trying to come here from the flight." Ri'len hadn't moved fast enough. "And this woman caught me. She started kissing me and..." He trailed off, ashamed.

"And you pushed her away?" Sorsha tried to suggest the only possible answer. The only thing that Ri'len would ever do in a situation like that.

"I..." Ri'len swallowed, then forced himself to continue. "I did not at first. I was so caught up...I wasn't really thinking straight."

Did not. He kissed her back. He'd said he never would, he said he'd always only be with _her_ if he lost. "And what else? What did you do?"

"We started to undress...then I realised what was happening. I wasn't really myself." He wasn't. Ri'len hadn't had much control over himself after the flight. It had taken a lot just to pull away. The need for release had been so strong, but he had only wanted Sorsha. He didn't want anyone else. "I manage to clear my head enough to pull back before things got too far. I'm sorry Sorsha, I never meant for this to happen."

She could see the scene all too clearly in her mind. Any number of girls who had flirted with Ri'len since they'd come to the Weyr took the place of the unnamed participant. She felt anger and hurt all at once well up inside her and she stared at Ri'len, her eyes filled with tears. "How _could_ you? Why couldn't you wait for me?"

"I wanted to. I really did Sorsha." Ri'len reached out and tried to place his hands upon her shoulders, but Sorsha moved out of his reach. "She caught me on my way here, caught me off guard."

"So that makes it okay?" she asked, her voice raised in accusation as she shrugged him off and stepped back away from him. "Every other rider in this Weyr seems to be able to keep it together after a flight. It's not like you _won_, it didn't consume you. You had a choice!"

Ri'len let his hands fall limply to his side. She was right. He couldn't argue against that. "I'm sorry Sorsha." It was all he could say. He was going to have to do something if Monilath chased again ... maybe lock himself away, not even bother to join the group.

Sorry wasn't enough, not now, not when she just wanted to scream and cry. "I need to go. I need to think for awhile. I just... can't be here right now."

He wanted to tell her not to. To ask her to stay. Ri'len wished she would forgive him - it was obvious that she was angry. Could he blame? No. "All right." His voice was soft and punctuated with a sigh. He wanted to say more, but didn't. She didn't want to hear anything from him and there was really nothing else he could say, was there?

Last updated on the January 19th 2010

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Admission of Guilt