It Will Get Easier

Writers: AL, Avery
Date Posted: 5th May 2009

Characters: Ishek, Briata
Description: Briata approaches Ishek about the lack of consummation.
Location: Garnet Valley Hold
Date: month 2, day 22 of Turn 5

Briata

Another night together had been fruitless. Briata was worried. The first night she had finally convinced herself was due to a combination of nervousness and fatigue on Ishek's part. The second night she tried to tell herself he was still recuperating from the celebrations and getting back into his normal routine. But after the third night with Ishek doing nothing more than holding her, all the doubts that she had managed to push away came flooding back. She sat in her nightgown upon their bed, unused beyond sleep. She still couldn't watch Ishek dress, though she had seen him without his clothing and him without hers. At least, that first night. Clothing had hardly been touched since. Briata had simply had to content herself with falling asleep in Ishek's arms, any lust that might roil within unsatiated.

The girl cast a glance upward when she thought it would be safe. Ishek wasn't fully dressed, but he had his trousers on. He was nice to look at, but she was still a bit shy. She didn't make a move to dress herself, simply watched him as he rummaged for a tunic to wear.

"How are you feeling this morning?" Ishek asked. He was completely unaware of Briata's thoughts, and was instead thinking about the tasks he'd need to do today.

"I'm...okay." The response wasn't very convincing. Briata let her gaze fall back to her hands. Once again she was trying to think of what it was she had done wrong, how she could have done things differently. This wasn't anything like she imagined it would be. She had expected more intimacy. Ishek had seen keen on making her his wife, but so hesitant on doing the things that a husband and wife did together. She couldn't help but think that she was to blame somehow.

"What's wrong?" Ishek asked her, turning to look and closing the drawer.

"Nothing." The response was soft and there was no heart in it. Briata hated to press, but she couldn't get rid of the nagging feeling that every hesitation, every resistance he had was because of her, her fault.

He came over and sat down next to her. "It isn't nothing when you look like that."

"I just..." Briata should talk to him, she knew that. The girl took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "It's just...we haven't...it's been three days..."

"Yes, and?" Ishek wasn't sure what was worrying her. "Are you unhappy with any of your new duties as lady?"

"No." It was certainly challenging, especially since Garnet Valley was so much larger. "It's just...us."

"Have I done something wrong?"

"It's just...we're married." She found it difficult to discuss this subject, but Briata knew it shouldn't be. He was her husband, this sort of discussion should be natural. "Yet, we haven't come together."

"I'm not sure how much you, ah, knew about this subject before getting married, but..." he shrugged. "I don't think all married couples are intimate every night. Sometimes they go sevendays without..."

"But we haven't even been intimate once." Sevendays?

"That is true." he admitted. "And that's what's been bothering you?"

"Yes." Partially anyway.

"I didn't realize it was." Ishek said. "I'm...not used to frequent intimacy. I'm not used to sleeping with anyone else at all anymore. It's been enough to get adjusted to the one."

"Are you sure it's not me?" Briata asked timidly. "Are you sure it's not something I've done? Please Ishek, if it is, tell me how I can fix it."

"Bri, there's nothing to fix." he assured her. That much was complete truth. "I was never the most physical man to begin with."

"It's just...aren't we supposed to be intimate?"

"We are, but that doesn't mean it has to happen right after we get married, does it? Or frequently?" Ishek wasn't sure if he liked the idea of every night.

"I guess not. It just...isn't what I expected." That was putting it mildly. She didn't even expect every night, but Briata thought surely at least the first night.

"You mean disappointing, right?"

"Well...yes. I mean, I'm not disappointed that I married you." Briata stated quickly. "Not at all. It's just...I thought things worked differently I guess."

"I know in books and harper tales it's always romantic, and the bridge and groom fall into bed together instantly...but real marriages don't always work that way." he said gently. "It depends on what we both want, and how often we're interested, and small things that are different from person to person."

"Are you...interested?" Briata asked, almost afraid to hear the answer. Maybe that was the problem. Maybe he was only interested in her as a friend and had asked her to be his wife because she was his friend. Maybe there was nothing more. "Am I not attractive to you? Do you not want me?"

"I think you're a very attractive girl." he told her. That was also true. In arranged marriages, it wasn't always the case you found your partner attractive; at least that wasn't the case here. "But I don't know if I'm ready to be intimate again. And that's the truth. I mean, physically I'm capable. But then it would just be doing my duty. It wouldn't come from raw desire, yet."

"Oh." Briata lowered her gaze once more, watching her hands fiddle at one another. "So you don't desire me. Not in that way..."

"No! No, it's not that." he said. "It's just that right now, I'm getting used to having a wife. And I don't _want_ to make love to you out of _duty_ , Briata. I feel as if that would cheapen it."

She looked up again, the worry slipping away a little. Briatan wasn't quite certain she was ready to believe she hadn't done something wrong. After all, she had no experience and he did.

"Do you see where I'm coming from?" he asked worriedly, hoping she'd understood his earlier distinction.

"I think so." She was trying to. It did help, his explanation. Briata was glad that he wasn't doing it out of duty, but she hoped it wouldn't be too long before he was ready. "I guess I'll simply have to come up with ways for you to get used to me."

"I think once the newness wears down, it'll get easier." he said hopefully.

Briata reached out and curled her hand around Ishek's. "Anything I can do to make it easier?"

Ishek shook his head. "If it's all in my head, nothing you can do can change it."

"I know, I just felt I should ask." And while Briata did feel a little better, she still had that nagging feeling in the back of the mind that it was because of her somehow. "I shouldn't keep you."

"The Hold can last another 10 minutes- or 30- if you need me." he reassured.

"It's okay, I need to get dressed myself." Briata squeezed his hand again and leaned forward to peck him on the cheek. "But I fully expect to have lunch with you."

Ishek pulled her close and kissed her gently on the lips, hoping to make up for at least a bit of the disappointment. "I promise." he told her.

"Good." Briata hugged Ishek tightly before releasing him. "You'd better go before you have your stewards knocking down the door."

Ishek laughed. "Now now, Penryn doesn't do that anymore." he joked even as he headed back to the drawer to find a shirt.

"Anymore?" Amusement tickled Briata's voice. "You mean he used to do that? That must have been a sight!"

"Well...I'll tell you about that some other time." But he rather hoped she forgot- talking about how Penryn would check up on him to make sure he wasn't drunk wasn't topping his list of story ideas.

"Perhaps at lunch." Briata suggested as she rose to procure her brush. "You can tell me more stories about yourself."

"Sure." he agreed. Just maybe not _that_ one. "You can ask me what you want."

"I'll try to think of some things to ask." Briata ran the brush through her hair, watching Ishek as he finished preparing for the day. Her thoughts went back to his words and she still doubted some of it. The question was, what could she do about it?

Last updated on the May 10th 2009

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It Will Get Easier