Can I Stay?

Writers: Dana, Eimi
Date Posted: 7th March 2009

Characters: Traelyn, B'ram
Description: Traelyn goes to B'ram to make amends.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 1, day 4 of Turn 5

B'ram

Traelyn woke to the sensation of movement beneath her head. Her eyes flickered open and she blinked blearily, confused for a moment as to where she was.

}:I am sorry, Trae. I did not mean to wake you,:{ Nyith whispered contritely, but taking advantage of her rider's awareness to shift her long arm a bit more. Then the queen dipped her head to nuzzle her rider's cheek.

Traelyn reached up and stroked her dragon's snout. **It's all right, dear heart. It's time I got up anyway.** But she didn't make a move to stand from the soothing warmth of Nyith's arms. Faranth, what a terrible night. She scrubbed at her tear-streaked face, knowing that she must look a real sight: face drawn, eyes bloodshot and strained. Last night she couldn't bear to face an empty bed alone, and so she'd gone to sleep with Nyith instead, taking comfort in her dragon's presence and love. And now that she was fully awake, the events of yesterday came flooding back to her, and she shut her eyes. Faces flashed before her: N'vanik's, B'ram's, U'kaiah's. Each man's expression of anger and disappointment tore into her already shattered heart, brutalizing her emotions even more.

Traelyn thrived on human companionship. Nyith's presence buoyed her, but Traelyn was a social creature. She needed human companionship. Without it she felt small and alone--like now. If she went to N'vanik for reconciliation, another fight would ensue, making things worse between them. She knew that's what would happen. And she couldn't go to U'kaiah. She swallowed quickly, and turned her thoughts away from that painful subject to B'ram. Out of the three of them, he was her last hope for acceptance, and love. Faranth, she had to make it work with him. She had to.

And it was that determined thought that had guided her from Nyith's forearms to his weyr. Quietly she stood in his bedroom, watching him sleep. She hadn't really watched him sleep before. Usually when they spent time together, they were either both awake or both asleep at the same time. But now, as she looked at him, she noticed that asleep he looked Turns younger. All his cares had seemed to be smoothed away from his face. He was Benram instead of B'ram. To see the boy he had been brought a bittersweet pang to her heart, and she gently perched on the edge of the bed, wanting to trace her fingers down his cheek but dared not to. She didn't deserve to, not after what she had done to him last night. So she watched him instead, hoping that when he woke up that he wouldn't send her away.

It had taken several minutes before B'ram felt himself pulled awake. There was something... not quite right. A change in the air, a change in the shape of the bed, a smell difting up to his nostrils that was familiar yet out of place. Or perhaps it was the mysterious feeling of being watched. Something called him out of his peaceful state to bewildered consciousness. Blinking a few times he suddenly realized what was so strange. Trae hadn't stayed the night with him, and yet there she was, just... looking at him. He was too confused to remember that he was supposed to be angry at her. "Trae?"

"If you want me to go," she whispered, looking into his face, "I'll go."

Her uncertainly reminded him of why she was not supposed to be there. Wasn't she supposed to be off screwing some other man? "What's the matter, did your lover slip away in the night?"

And abruptly Benram was gone. He'd been replaced by the passionate, angry man she knew better. Dropping her eyes, she shook her head.

Shards she looked so... shattered. It was unnerving. "What is it then? I'm trying to sleep."

"Can I..." She hesitated, then gathered her courage and murmured, "can I sleep with you?"

"Trae, if you don't tell me what you are really doing here, I swear on Faranth's egg..."

"I'm sorry for earlier," she swiftly cut in. The look she gave him was almost desperate. "I am, whether you believe me or not. But I'm here because I want to be with you. If you tell me to get out, though, I will. But I...." **Hope you won't.** Her dark eyes beseeched him. **Please don't send me away.**

"You what?"

"...I want to stay," she whispered.

Well, she would have already been here if he hadn't been just a substitute for someone else. "What about your new lover? Uzra?"

It was painful to hear her nickname for him. "It's over."

"That was fast." He eyed her suspiciously. There was something very sad and empty in her eyes. "What about your Weyrleader? I bet he'd make room for you again."

Just a spark of temper flashed in those eyes before it was doused. "It's over."

He lifted himself up on his elbows. "Your bronzerider?"

He didn't know Uzra was U'kaiah. U'kaiah.... Shards, it hurt. It hurt so much she couldn't bear it! She shook her head, not looking at him, fighting to keep the burning in her eyes at bay.

B'ram wanted to feel triumphant. He had won. And yet the brokenness in Trae's eyes... Once, perhaps, he could have taken joy in her pain, but those days were long gone. "I'm sorry," he whispered, sitting up to reach out for her hand.

Perhaps later she would wonder if he truly was sorry, but for now she decided to believe that he was sincere. Her slack fingers slowly tightened around his in response to his soft tone. "Can I stay?" Her eyes flickered to his.

He nodded, peeling back the covers and pulling her towards him.

She allowed him to pull her closer. Gently she rested her head on his bare shoulder, savoring the feeling of his hand on her arm, the way his chest rose and fell against hers, the way his warm breath lightly ruffled her hair. She stayed silent and still for a moment longer before pulling back enough to peel her shirt up and over her head. Her dark eyes met his again. There was no sexual intent there, only a soft desire to feel him against her, to be as close to him as she could. Reaching out, she traced her fingers down his arm.

Gently he curled his fingers in her hair and pulled her towards him, pillowing her against his chest as he leaned back into his pile of pillows. "It's ok, Trae. You can sleep now."

And closing her eyes, comforted by the feeling of his bare skin against hers, she did.

Last updated on the March 14th 2009

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Can I Stay?