Overwhelmed

Writers: Dana
Date Posted: 30th January 2009

Characters: Traelyn
Description: Traelyn has a nightmare, and once she wakes, she deals with the effects.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 13, day 24 of Turn 4

The arms that wrapped around her hips were trembling slightly, his touch desperate as his fingers dug into the silken fabric of her Gather finery, pulling her closer. Her own fingers buried themselves in his dark curls, stroking slowly, soothingly. She could feel his warm breath seeping through the thin material of her gown, branding her just below her navel. A shiver ran down her spine and her hold on his hair tightened slightly--but it was enough for him to notice, enough for him to tilt his head up to meet her eyes. The expression on his face was one of regret so acute it took her breath away. They were silent as they gazed wordlessly at one another. She knew that they both had things that they needed to say, and yet they couldn't utter a word. Perhaps they were too stubborn, or too scared to, but by Faranth, despite everything that had happened between them, she never wanted to see such a sorrowful and desperate expression in his eyes ever again.

Time slowed. The fingers of one hand slid to his forehead, and there she caressed a few curls back, fingers trailing once again through his hair, gently though. Very gently. Understanding was in her touch now, and forgiveness. It was the one thing she knew he wanted from her, but it was also the one thing he wouldn't ask for. But she knew him, and she would give it to him.

Her own expression was one of tenderness now, and the look in his eyes as they searched hers changed into something much more familiar to her. In answer to his unspoken question, she shifted, palms sliding down his neck to his shoulders. He let out a soft breath and his large hands moved to hold her hips. Their eyes met once more, and slowly he leaned forward, pressing his mouth to her navel in a kiss that spoke of acknowledgment and acceptance...and something more. And he didn't stop there. He rose higher on his knees, trailing kisses up her body, stopping just below her breasts. Then he pressed her face against her, one hand moving from her hip up her arm to trace the neckline of her gown, lingering on the soft flesh there. Then he went very still.

A tiny smile curved her lips as she cupped his cheek, lifting his face to hers. But his expression had changed drastically. A cold mask had replaced the warmth in his eyes--his features seemed to be carved of stone. Shock gripped her as he rose to his feet, hands falling away from her body. Then he turned from her and began walking down the stairs to the Sands.

She stared after him, completely frozen in denial. She could not have seen what she thought she had just glimpsed lurking there in his cold, cold eyes. Why was he leaving her? It wasn't over! It _couldn't_ be over! Gasping in panic, she breathlessly cried out for him. He didn't stop walking. Clutching her skirts in her clammy palms, she rushed down the steps after him, calling for him--but Kalamath had already taken to the skies. A split second later, he winked /between/, taking his rider away from her.

Suddenly an eerie sound filled the Hatching Grounds: the dragons were keening, mourning the loss of one of their own. Nyith threw back her golden head and let loose a high-pitched, agonized cry. Traelyn fell to her knees in the burning Sands among the shards of the broken eggs, grasping her head in her hands, hoarsely screaming her own pain and rage. U'kaiah was gone.

He was dead.

~ ~ ~

Traelyn started into consciousness, eyes flying open. Everything was soft and blurry. It took her a moment to realize that her cheeks were wet with tears, and that they had stained the pillow beneath her. As she stared numbly across the room, she became increasingly aware of the lingering, sinking sensation of grief in the pit of her stomach. Even awake, she couldn't escape the despair of her dream. She blinked and as the new tears trickled down her face, things began to come into focus--and she saw that B'ram's arm was thrown across her, curled almost possessively around her body. The weight of it was unbearable. She couldn't breathe--she had to get away.

Slipping out from under his arms, she stood. Naked, she padded across the room, putting as much distance as she could between her and the brownrider replete from a long night of lovemaking lying in her bed. Bracing herself against the wall, she turned and stared at him. B'ram had finally given her what she had first wanted of him. She hadn't asked him or hinted at or seduced him--he had given it all to her of his own will. Perhaps his motives had been purely selfish, or maybe not, but in the end it really hadn't mattered. What had mattered was that he had succeeded in distracting her from her troubled thoughts. But obviously their loving hadn't been enough of a distraction since her fears had plagued her in her dreams.

Shards, what a nightmare. Raising a trembling hand, she scrubbed the tears from her cheeks. She'd had vivid dreams before, but this one hit her far too close to home because she could still _feel_ U'kaiah's hands on her through the material of her gown, see the different emotions flickering in his dark eyes as he went from just holding desperately on to her to slowly stroking her, caressing her. And as she closed her eyes, she could still picture his face as he rose from the ground and how closed off it had been to her, how cold he had been--and she could remember how she had felt when he had turned and walked away from her. The eerie keening of the mourning dragons and Nyith's shriek of grief still echoed in her ears, and she shook her head, trying to block it out. Hot tears pricked her eyes again, and since B'ram wasn't awake to see her cry, she let them fall.

It was over. Traelyn couldn't accept it last night, she had been too afraid to. So she'd hidden herself away from the brutal reality by bringing B'ram back to her weyr. Her bitter smile was self-deprecating as her eyes flickered to his naked form sprawled on her bed. But now it was the early morning, she was awake, and after having such a dream she couldn't put it off any longer. But despite knowing that she and U'kaiah were through, there was still a stubborn part of her that didn't want to accept that they were, even after that telling dream. And how could she possibly accept it? They had been friends for Turns, and that friendship had slowly evolved into something more until they became lovers of the spirit, and finally, the body. How in Faranth's name could she accept that all of what they had built had been lost because of her own sharding pride?

Her temper spiked, and she raked back her tangled hair before angrily swiping the tears from her cheeks. She wasn't entirely to blame. A relationship consisted of two people, not just one, and it took those two people to make it work, or screw it up. But she knew--she _knew_--much of the blame had to fall on her shoulders. She was the one who had let pride and jealousy rule her actions, so much so that she had felt like she had needed to hurt him the way he had hurt her. And by giving in to that need, she had pushed him away.

But shards, he had _let_ himself be pushed away! He could have fought back--he could have tried harder for her. But he hadn't. Sharding U'kaiah. How could he just give up on her like that? How could he just leave her alone when he had promised her that he would always be there for her? She had trusted him, and by walking away from her yesterday, he had broken that trust. B'ram never would have done that to her. She knew he wouldn't have. Why couldn't U'kaiah be more like him?

It was so easy for her to slip into anger and to redirect it from herself to him. It was much easier than any other emotional route she could have possibly taken, and so Traelyn embraced it. But even as she did, she was overwhelmed by the pain that came with it. Both of those emotions couldn't be separated--she knew that, even as she wiped at the fresh tears that trailed down her cheeks. Not when it concerned U'kaiah. Not when it concerned the two of them.

Last updated on the January 31st 2009

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Overwhelmed