Enough Honesty

Writers: Dana, Eimi
Date Posted: 12th July 2008

Characters: Traelyn, B'ram
Description: Traelyn brings up the forbidden topic
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 10, day 27 of Turn 4

B'ram

His arm falling asleep woke him up. His bladder got him out of bed. The cold stone on his feet and the cool early morning chill on his naked skin quickly drove him back. His spot had quickly lost the trapped body heat that had kept him warm during the night and so he found himself wrapping his arms around the warm body that shared his bed to expel the cold.

"For Faranth's sake, pull the sheets up," Traelyn muttered sleepily, burrowing into his side.

"They are up." B'ram hissed as a slight shiver ran down his spine. He cold feel the chill bumps rising on her skin as well. Rubbing his hand up and down her arm to warm it, he tried to fight them off. "You'll warm up soon."

With a yawn and a bleary grin, she nudged him until he was on his back, then nestled on top of him. "Keep on touching me like that and I'll have no trouble warming up," she murmured, shifting her hips.

"Shards, woman, what are you trying to do, kill me?" he gently teased as his hands caressed down her back.

"Not a bad way to go, huh?" she chuckled, nipping lightly at his throat before pillowing her head on his shoulder. She loved teasing the sensual pull between them in the mornings. Early mornings that she spent with U'kaiah were usually rushed. They didn't have much time to slowly play with fire, and, if she was being honest with herself, that particular part of their relationship was becoming tiring. But she didn't have to rush with B'ram.

The brownrider sighed contentedly as he settled back into the pillows, the gentle weight and warmth of her body along with the steady repetition of running his hands along her soft skin was threatening to lull him back to sleep.

She and L'kub had used to lay like this...with an ease and familiarity that could only come with Turns of knowing a person inside and out. Traelyn tried not to think about L'kub when she was with B'ram, but sometimes, in moments like this, it was hard not to. Shards, U'kaiah was right. The past should sharding stay in the past. And yet B'ram was the link between her past and present. How could she forget when he was a constant, if at times unconscious, reminder? Trying to shove away those confusing thoughts, she shifted her hips gently, raising her head to kiss the base of his throat.

B'ram cracked an eye open and looked down at the goldrider's head. "What's on your mind, Trae?" Try as she might to deny it, he knew the answer was not sex. Not really.

It was almost scary how he could read her so easily. But for once, she didn't want to hide behind physical pleasure. "Do you think...." She hesitated, knowing the danger of continuing. They never talked about it. Never.

His hands stilled on her hips. This sounded ominous. "Do I think what?"

She couldn't look at him. "Do you think...he ever forgave me?"

The chill B'ram felt was no longer from the night air. That was a forbidden topic. They didn't talk about that. It only lead to trouble. "What are you doing thinking about that for? I thought we were having a good time..."

Her dark eyes snapped to his briefly. "We used to lay like this."

It was surprising how the guilt could be driven home, even after so many turns. He suddenly felt like this was some sort of betrayal. They used to lay like this, but L'kub was no longer here. He had taken his place. It was stupid. L'kub was gone, and neither of them had caused it, but those words made him feel almost as if L'kub were peering at them from beyond that black /between/ he had fallen into and it was not Trae's voice, but his that said those words in his mind. **We used to lay like this...** "Stop it! Just stop it. He's not here." And suddenly that gentle weight that had been such a comforting warmth was now like a crushing stone. "Get off me."

Slowly she raised herself up on her hands, glaring fiercely down at him. "I _know_ he's sharding not here, B'ram. I _know_ that. You asked me what I was thinking and I told you. And don't you tell me that you don't think about Atreyn when I'm lying here with you. I know you do."

"Not anymore." At least, not like before. When they had first started screwing around her body was just a substitute, but things were different now. He didn't compare Trae to her sister anymore, now she was just Trae.
B'ram had thought it had changed for her too, but obviously it had not. It hurt, but he couldn't lay the blame on L'kub. There was a living, breathing target for his hurt now. "It's that sharding bronzerider, isn't it. That's what this is really about."

"Typical!" she snarled, rolling completely off of him. Every chance he got he slammed one at U'kaiah. "I'm not sharding talking about him, B'ram!"

"Oh what, you expect me to believe that you don't think of _him_ while you're with me? I'm not so naive, Traelyn," B'ram snapped back.

"I'm not talking about him! I'm talking about _L'kub_!"

"Well I'd rather talk about him than L'kub," he growled, throwing his legs over the side of the bed. "I can keep up with some bronzerider at another Weyr, but I just can't compete with the memory of a dead man."

"Compete? All I did was sharding ask a question! You're the one who's blowing this out of proportion!" Shards, she _needed_ to talk about it. Had to.

"Oh, that's just perfect," he sneered. "_You_ of all people should not be lecturing me about blowing things out of proportion." He grabbed the trousers he had haphazardly discarded on her bedroom floor with a sarcastic snort. "You want to know if he forgave you? Well, how about you, Trae? He slept with a greenrider while you were a weyrling. So what. It was a Weyr and he was a bluerider. It's not like he was sleeping with another woman. He slept with a man because he had to understand what being a bluerider really meant. He didn't do it to hurt you. That rider was never a threat to you and when you were free he never looked at anyone but you. But what did you do? You want to talk about proportion? You want to talk about forgiveness? Why should he have ever forgiven you for breaking his heart when you never forgave him for Impressing a blue?"

Snarling Traelyn scrambled to her knees. "I _never_ held that against him!" She had been so angry that he hadn't waited! His riding a blue dragon had nothing to do with it!

He turned to face her as he pulled his pants up over his hips. "Oh, so what, it was just _coincidence_ that after you found out he had slept with that greenrider you started spreading your legs for every bronzerider who came sniffing around you?"

Her bark of laughter was harsh. "You would see it that way!" He had no idea. "His being a bluerider had nothing to do with it!"

B'ram couldn't believe she had the audacity to deny it! He had been there! "Don't try to ram your crackdust down my throat, Trae. His being a bluerider had _everything_ to do with it! Do you think he slept with that greenrider just because he was tired of waiting for you to to be a senior weyrling? He did it because his blue would eventually catch a male rider's green and he needed to be ready for what that meant. He did it while you were a weyrling because once you were free he didn't want to be with anyone else. That sharding idiot was so in love with the very idea of you..." He threw his arms up helplessly. "What did you expect from him, Trae? How in Faranth's name could he have loved you more?"

Her eyes burned as she stared up at him. "Stop it."

Those were things he had wanted to say for turns but hadn't had the chance, and then when he eventually did have the chance he had held back. Now that they had finally escaped and he could see the pain that those words brought written on her face, he thought he would have felt some sense of relief, some tension ease inside of him. But her pain didn't give him that feeling of vindication he had always thought there were be. Instead it only made him feel even more torn. He missed his friend. He loved her. "You asked..."

Her jaw clenched. "That's right, B'ram. Turn it all back on me. I brought it all on myself, after all." Her self-loathing tone was rough, mocking. "I _deserve_ it. Go on then." Her eyes flashed angrily. "Go on and sharding lay it all on me! Why stop now? Keep going!"

He shook his head, more weary now than angry. "I think you've had enough honesty for one night."

Temper still roiled within her, and she looked away, nails biting into her palms. "And I think you should leave."

B'ram reached down and picked up his shirt and boots from the floor. They had done quite enough for one night. "This is why we never talk about him," he said softly as he turned to walk back out into the early morning chill.

Last updated on the July 14th 2008

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Enough Honesty