Innocence in Black
Dragonsfall Weyr
Amber Hills Hold
Vintner Hall
Healer Hall
Hidden Meadows
Dolphin Cove Weyr
Dolphin Hall
Emerald Falls Hold
Harper Hall
Printer Hall
Green Valley Hold
Leeward Lagoon Hold
Barrier Lake Weyr
Sunstone Seahold
Citrus Bay Hold
Writers: Clancey
Date Posted: 11th July 2008
Characters: J'darin
Description: J'darin looks for answers after the death of I'ster.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 10, day 5 of Turn 4
The keening echoed in his mind as he stared over the Weyrbowl, busy in the aftermath of 'Fall. Injuries abounded, some normal and minor, others desperate and serious.
And one death.
One.
One.
Only one, they said. Only one this time.
He closed his eyes against the pain that welled up from somewhere beyond his heart. The heart of a Weyrleader, brought to bitter decisions that saved lives.
And cost them.
The pain threatened to choke him and break him in two. But strangely, there were no tears. Not even one, trailing down his dusty face.
}:Stop this! You must stop this!:{ Hasaarth's voice in his mind was loud with rage and pleading, all at the same time. His dragon could not separate the loss from the anger in his rider, and both were so strong that it would be easy to just let go and drown in them.
Even his dragon's obvious pain did not immediately break through the black fog in J'darin's mind.
**My fault. My fault. My fault. I killed him. He's dead. They're gone. I killed them. **
So black, so bitter, so .. lost.
I'ster was dead. J'darin had killed him. He wanted to go /between/ and let the cold have him. Forever.
}:You did not! Thread Fell! Thread killed them! They made a mistake and are gone /between/. You must not! Dragons must fight Thread!
Tynnath fought Thread and beat it. But he is gone /between/. You will not go /between/. I will not take you. I could not live without you.:{ Black as /between/, J'darin finally looked at his dragon. Eyes whirling in anger and pain, Hasaarth was half extended into the air, his wings spread to full length as if he could reach his rider by sheer size alone.
Blue eyes were dilated to almost full, looking that same hue of black.
Black, the color of night, the color of grief, the color of guilt, and black, the color of the sky as the day moved on to evening.
An agony of grief came from his leaps in a long, drawn-out moan.
And then it was silent on the ledge.
He rose to his feet and moved jerkily to his dragon's side.
Heartbeat by heartbeat, he swallowed the grief, the anger, the doubt, the pain, the punishing guilt, and the sadness. Step by step, he put back on the mask that everyone saw. J'darin the bronzerider.
Weyrleader by accident. Or choice. Who knew why. J'darin the grumpy, hidebound man, who thought there were only three colors of dragons.
Hasaarth began to calm as his rider became calmer. He dropped to the stone ledge, crouched close to J'darin for comfort. It took minutes.
Candlemarks. Maybe days. But gradually, he found the words to say to answer the bronze dragon's plea.
**I would never leave you, Hasaarth. I am sorry. So sorry. **
It was silent again, on the ledge.
Sounds came only from below, other riders trying to save other dragons and their riders. It washed over and around J'darin like a salve of numbweed, dulling the pain.
Between the bronze and and his silent rider, things gradually became more normal. The pain was there, almost a thing alive, wrapped around and through J'darin's heart and mind. But now it was being buffered by something even death did not conquer - a dragon's bond of love for his rider. Dragons could not outlive their riders, though their riders sometimes managed to outlive their dragons. But the dragons -
the dragons loved even beyond death.
They had died together, doing what they were born to do.
"I'ster. And Tynnath. Goodbye." He said their names aloud, so he would remember. He would not forget. So brave. So good. So ..
young. Memories danced through his mind's eye. I'ster with a black eye, looking for help. I'ster, grinning from beneath Tynnath's wings as the brown grew fast and strong. I'ster, with D'ren and D'cal, so proud as they tricked that trio of bullies in their age group.
I'ster, on his first flight /between/. I'ster, during blooding.
I'ster, rising to fight Thread in a Wing, for the first time. I'ster.
Tynnath.
Drained past endurance, he collapsed between Hasaarth's forelegs. He would have a few minutes more before he must go down, down into the noise. There were living riders to care for, and many others things to see to before he and Hasaarth were able to seek their beds.
Below, it was light,and living, and warm. He was needed.
On the ledge, it was silent. And black.
Last updated on the July 14th 2008