If Wishes Were Runners

Writers: AL, Kaysea
Date Posted: 26th June 2008

Characters: Fog, Eliste, Neke
Description: Neke comes to Eliste looking for Fog. He shows up and reveals something to Eliste.
Location: Elsewhere on Pern
Date: month 10, day 11 of Turn 4

He didn't go back to the boat immediately he left Eliste. He was too confused to do more than wander around the waypoint in ever increasing circles, lost to time and the oncoming darkness. Warring within him were the emotions Eliste had stirred up; his growing love for the woman and the shame he felt that he could hurt his cousin this way.

He and Nico had grown up as brothers aboard the Sungazer. He, the older, had always looked out for Nico and Tyno as the grew up. How could he hurt his cousin the way he knew he would if he revealed his true feelings for Eliste? How could he hurt her and himself by not revealing the way he felt?

~*~

"Ellina?" Neke knocked lightly on the door, waiting to be bidden within.

Fog wasn't the only one dwelling on matters of the heart. Nico and Fog were in hers and her emotions were warring with her. The knock on the door merely distracted her from them for a moment. There was a pause before Neke could make out a soft 'come in'. She smiled a little as the woman entered and stood to greet her in a polite manner. "Neke...it's good to see you again."

"Ellina, I haven't long, its getting late and I should be back aboard the Sungazer, but..." she hesitated for a moment, it was obvious Fog wasn't here, but he wasn't on the boat either, and this wasn't like him. "I have to ask - have you seen Fog today?"

"Fog?" Eliste took a slow step forward, biting her lip. "Why...yes. I saw him earlier this afternoon. Is he...he's not on board?"

"No, he didn't come back this afternoon, we've been out looking for him.
I just - well he said something abotu coming to visit you, and he didn't come back."

"I..well...I mean, he did visit me." He visited her, had held her hand, had told her about his accident. Eliste had touched him. She had...the young woman shook her head. "I don't know where he is. Maybe...did you look along the shore? Perhaps he's walking along the river?"

"We've check-"

"Neke?" Fog stepped into the room behind her, surprised to find his sister there with Eliste. "What's wrong? Tahna? Linli?" his face registered his worry as he searched his sisters face, there was obviously something wrong for her to look so worried. He glanced across at Eliste and saw the worry mirrored in her eyes as well. "Speak, please someone speak!"

Neke was as surprised to see Fog as he was to see her, "Where on _Pern_
have you been?" she asked, rounding on him in her confusion of anger and worry.
"We've been searching for you everywhere."

"I... you mean here's nothing wrong with the girls?" he asked.

"No! It's you we were worried about. Nico, Tyno, Tahna and I have been searching for you everywhere. You didn't come home and it was getting dark..." she realised where she was, and stoped talking, taking a few deep breaths.

"I'll be back shortly." he said, his hands reaching out and cupping her shoulders, he pulled her into a hug, "I had to go for a walk and do some thinking. Don't worry, I'm fine." he smiled, releasing her, and pushing her gently towards the doorway.

"Okay, we'll be waiting, and you'd _better_ have an explanation." she chided on her way out of the doorway. "See you soon, Eliste." she said, waving one last goodbye.

"Goodbye, Neke." Eliste raised her hand to wave as well, but Neke was already gone. She let it drop, then looked to Fog, silent for but a moment before asking softly, "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine. You?" he asked, now begining to feel guilty. It was obvious the worry mirrored in the women's faces had been for him. He hadn't meant to cuase concern, he had just needed to walk - and think. The pain in his head had eventually dissipated, but the worry inside was still there. Firstly, because he didnt' want to put a step wrong with Eliste, but also, on behalf of Nico. His cousin hadn't come out directly and told them he was interested in a relationship with Eliste, but Fog, dense as he was, still felt his cousin harboured feelings for the woman.

"I'm fine." Eliste's gaze fell, never able to hold the gaze of someone for long. Was it because she was afraid of what they would see in her eyes? Or was she afraid of what Fog, specifically, would see there.
"Neke said you hadn't gone back, that you were missing. I...I got worried."

"What I told her was the truth," he admitted, taking a step closer, "I needed to think. Can we sit and talk for a while?"

"Yes, of course." Eliste motioned to the chair and made her own way to her bed, sitting upon it. "Is...is something wrong?"

"That all depends." he said with a smile. "I'm a little confused." he admitted, taking the seat opposite her. "I need to clear a few things up before everything will be right again."

"How can I help?" Eliste's brow furrowed. Confused? By what? She didn't understand what he meant.

"Earlier, when we down by the river, you said something, I may have read more into it than you meant, but you made me realize something." He paused, gathering the nerve to say what he had to say, "Eliste, I have feelings for you." he held up his hand, "Please let me finish. I, I don't know how you feel, but I know this has happened over time, and - well I can't keep seeing you, without you knowing. I also.... " here he stumbled over his words, "I have to talk to Nico. I know he has some feelings for you, I just don't know how deep..."

Eliste's mouth opened and closed a few times. Her stomach jumped and her heart twisted. She didn't think she was going to be able to stand this.
Nico, now Fog. Both of them. The problem was, she cared for both of them as well.

The young woman bowed her head, covering her face with her hands. It was too much. Too much. How could she deal with this? How could she bear it. She wished...she wished...oh how she wished so many things. But she knew that even if what she wished came to pass, that she was free of Helvar, that there was no chance of him coming after her, that she would have to make a choice. And what a choice! Two kind, wonderful men who she knew would love her.

And she loved them. Both of them. She loved them dearly and knew that if anything happened to either of them, she would despair. Yet if she had to choose one, who would it be?

It didn't matter. She couldn't choose either. She was bound, locked, a prisoner unable to give either of them what they wanted, even if she wanted it herself. "Oh Fog...Fog..." Her breath came almost as gasps and she dropped her hands to look at him, tears making her eyes shimmer.
"Nico asked me to marry him. And I...I told him..." She paused and took a deep breath. "I told him no."

Fog could feel the colour draining from his face at her words. He had known his cousin had feelings for Eliste, but to ask her to marry him? He hadn't indicated to anyone aboard the Sungazer just how deep his feelings had been. Surely if he had, someone would have said something. "Please, Eliste, don't cry." he stood and lifted her into his arms, "I didn't mean to upset you. And if I had known about Nico, believe me I wouldn't have said a thing." He didn't know how to comfort the distraught woman; guilt flooded through him at what had passed between them.

The embrace surprised her and she stiffened, her, eyes widening. But Fog's hold was gentle, kind, warm. There was no anger, no malice in his touch and she melted into it, eyes closing. So that was what it felt like to be held like a man who cared for you. She never wanted him to let go -
but she knew she couldn't. She couldn't. Eliste tried to pull away, shaking her head and her voice cracking when she spoke. "I can't, Fog. I can't."

"I know." and a part of him understood what she was feeling, though he couldn't say he didn't wish it weren't so. "I won't press. I - if I could take it back, I don't think I would; but I don't want to hurt you any more than you have been already." And he didn't want to hurt Nico either, but if her rebuff had been for both of them, he could understand what his cousin was feeling right now.

"No...no, it's not that Fog. It's not...oh Fog." Eliste shook her head, two tears escaping to make a trail down her cheek. "No I ...I...I'm still married. And Helvar...he would hurt you and Nico. I know he would. I couldn't let him do that. I can't."

He couldn't help but laugh, despite her tears. "You think Nico and I can't take care of ourselves?" Once more a laugh erupted and he shook his head.
"Eliste, Helvar is the one who should worry. He is so brave when he picks on a woman, but let's see him come up against a man, especially one who has spent his life working aboard the Sungazer."

Fog's assurance didn't wipe away the worry that had spread across her face. "Oh Fog, you don't know him. If something happened to you I..."
She couldn't finish, her throat tightened. "I have to go...once the baby's born. If I stay here or on the Sungazer, he will find me. I can't let him find me or the baby."

"He won't and you don't have to worry. Eliste, you have to stop running sometime, and that time is now. Even if you don't join us aboard the Sungazer in one way or another," he didn't say what he meant by that, and hoped she wouldn't question him, "you will have protection from him. He won't touch you, or your babe. I give you my word on that." he stood tall and determined on the promise.

"I can't let you and Nico and the others put yourselves at risk for me."
Eliste shook her head and shivered. "You have all been so kind and I..."
She looked up at him again, tears still shimmering. "I don't know what I would do if someone I loved got hurt."

Loved? The word stuck in his head, was this the reason she had knocked back Nico's proposal? She loved him but was scared for what may happen to him. "How can I convince you that Helvar offers no threat to any of us?" Fog asked, a choking sensation int he back of his throat.

Eliste shook her head. "You can't." Neither of them understood. Neither of them knew. Her throat was tight and she whispered again, "You can't."

"Okay. It'll be okay, Eliste." he continued to comfort her. His arms fit snuggly around her shoulders, she felt good there, too good. He started to pull away, feeling guilty that he was standing here with her only hours after Nico had proposed to her. "I'm sorry, Eliste. Really sorry that this trip your visits have been so painful."

Eliste clasped his hand before he could pull away completely her gaze meeting his. "Even pain can be borne when you know you are cared about."

"Then you should realise now, you are definitely cared about. By more than one of us." he squeezed her hand. "I should go..." he nodded back in the direction of the docks. "They'll be waiting."

Eliste didn't let go, loathe to do so. His presence was such a comfort.
He always seemed so calm and that helped calm her. "I wish you didn't have to." She whispered, still gazing at him.

"I too..." he shook his head, he felt as if each word he uttered were like a knife in his cousins back, and though he loathed himself for it, he couldn't help it, now he recognised where his feelings lay. "But, this isn't good - for either of us..." He coldn't bear it any longer, he pulled her to him one last time, burying her in his arms for one last embrace. He kissed the top of her head softly, before releasing her and turning away.

The embrace had fairly taken her breath away, but it felt oh so good. She felt warm and safe in his arms, but it was over so quickly. "Fog..."
Eliste called out, take a step forward. When he turned back to her, she asked softly, "Will you please come see me when next you are in port?"
She knew they were leaving in the morning and she wanted to ask him to come see her before then, but she didn't think he would. "I don't want you to stop visiting me."

"I won't stop visiting." he said, his voice gruff with emotion. "But...."
he paused, then shook his haed, "never mind." With a wave he was gone.

But what? He had left before Eliste had a chance to ask him. She wished he had finished. She wished she could stay. She had wished so many things over the last couple of days. Eliste lowered herself onto her bed, tears beginning to make tracks down her face. If wishes were runners, she would ride.

Last updated on the June 28th 2008

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If Wishes Were Runners