Do I Look Like I'm Laughing?

Writers: Eimi
Date Posted: 2nd May 2008

Characters: Pacham
Description: Pacham must deal with three apprentices after they make an unwise decision...
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 9, day 27 of Turn 4

"You honestly thought this was funny?" the Weyrhealer asked, for once his face stern and his stare icy.

The apprentices shifted their feet uncomfortably. They had never seen Pacham like this. His lips were usually curled into a toothy smile, but now they were hidden under his large bushy mustache, giving his face an almost eerily expressionless quality.

The braver of the three lads finally spoke up. "It seemed like a good idea at the time, sir."

"A good idea?" Pacham asked coldly. "Releasing baby porcines into the infirmary seemed like a good idea?"

"Well, we thought they'd be easier to catch than avians, sir," the youngest apprentice said contritely.

The Weyrhealer's eyes narrowed. His assumption may have been correct had it not been for the fact that the little porcines had been able to fit so perfectly under the patients cots and under desks. "You thought so, did you. And, now that we've spent the better part of the last candlemark chasing down porcines, do you _still_ think that it was such a good idea, Cafas?"

"No sir," he murmured, lowering his head.

"So tell me, boys," Pacham said, folding his hands on the top of his desk as he eyed each one in turn, "now that you have seen the result of your little prank, which do you think would have been the best choice -
releasing avians into the infirmary, or baby porcines into the infirmary?"

The boys were silent for a moment, each looking at each other trying to decide which one of them should answer. Finally Cafas spoke up. "Avians, sir?"

"Wrong, Apprentice Cafas!" The boys jumped at the sharp tone in the master healer's voice.

The third boy finally dared to speak. "The porcines?"

"Wrong, Apprentice Alrit!"

The apprentices all winced. They chewed their lips and fingered the hems of their trousers nervously. Finally the first one spoke once more. "We shouldn't have released any animals into the infirmary at all, sir?"

"That is correct, Apprentice Ednyx. You should not have released _any_
animals into the infirmary." The weyrlingmaster tapped his fingers on his desk as he watched the boys fidgit and squirm under his gaze. Good.
They were at least understanding that this was no small matter. "People are trying to rest and recover, healers are trying to actually _heal_ people. Just what made you think that releasing animals into my clean, _sanitary_ infirmary was such a good idea?"

"We thought everyone would get a good laugh out of it, sir," Ednyx replied sheepishly. "After all, you always told us that laughter is the best medicine."

The Weyrhealer's eyes narrowed. "Do I look like I'm laughing, boys?"

"No, sir," they all replied in unison. Cafas' bottom lip was beginning to tremble. They all started as the door suddenly swung open and a journeyman peeked his head inside. "Sir, we've caught 'one', 'two' and 'four', but we still can't find 'three' anywhere."

Still? Where could one little porcine hide for this long? "Keep them in Journeyman Atmor's office until the third can be located."

"Yes, sir." The door closed behind them as the boys looked at each other guiltily. Just who was going to tell him? Finally Ednyx took a deep breath and murmured quietly, "Sir, there are only three."

"What was that?" Pacham asked, not sure he understood what the apprentice was trying to tell him.

Ednyx folded his hands protectively in front of him, his palms beginning to sweat as he stared at the foot of the healer's desk, not daring to meet his eye. "There were only three porcine's sir. We painted the numbers 'one', 'two' and 'four' on them on purpose so that when we released them, you would think there were three and would... would keep looking..." The healer slowly rose to his feet, leaning his hands on the top of his desk as he loomed over them. "You mean to tell me we have been searching the infirmary for a candlemark for a porcine that doesn't exist?"

"Well, sir," Alrit said, shrinking under the Weyrhealer's stare, "you see... that was the _joke_..."

Pacham's face turned deep red and his mustache began to shake as he stared straight at the apprentice. Alrit turned white as he stared at the Weyrhealer's hair lip shaking violently. Cafas began crying huge tears. Ednyx was trying to think of how he was going to explain being kicked out of the Weyr to his father. When he finally spoke, Pacham's voice came out as nothing more than a strained whisper. "If you three get out of my sight this instant, I _may_ allow you remain apprentices in this Weyr." They did not need to be told twice. The three boys fumbled for the doorknob, none of them wanting to be the last out of the office in case the red-faced healer changed his mind. Pacham held it in until he heard the latch click back into place and the sound of three pairs of feet running at full speed died away. Finally he couldn't contain it any longer. The Weyrhealer threw his head back and howled with laughter. He flopped back in his chair, tears beginning to fill his eyes. "There were only three!" Fighting for breath he wrapped his arms around his middle his sides were hurting so much from the convulsions. All this time, an infirmary full of well educated healers had been searching for a phantom porcine? "Now that _is_
funny!"

Last updated on the May 5th 2008

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Do I Look Like I'm Laughing?