Our Journey (2/2)

Writers: Eimi, Dana
Date Posted: 20th February 2008

Characters: U'kaiah, Traelyn
Description: Traelyn tries to reconcile her feelings for both B'ram and U'kaiah
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 8, day 21 of Turn 4

The bronzerider ran his fingers through this hair one more time and banished his bitter frustration with a sigh. **She will open up when she's ready,** he assured himself. At least shards, he hoped so. He had no secrets from her but sometimes he couldn't help but notice that the trust was rather lopsided. U'kaiah picked up the two glasses and made his way back to her bedchamber.

Stopping in the door he looked at her, leaning back against the headboard, her knees pulled up against her chest. She looked so small in his tunic. Small and vulnerable. Trae had refastened all the ties he had moments ago so hungrily pulled open. Her arms were wrapped around her body as she stared off into /between/. **Shards, Trae... if you would only trust me...**

"Here," he said gently as he held a glass out to her take. U'kaiah set his own on the little end-table before slipping onto the bed next to her.

"Thanks." After she took a sip, Traelyn held the glass between both of her hands, rolling it, watching as little droplets of water dripped slowly down the sides. Shards, it was hard to pretend that fresh guilt wasn't eating her up inside. She kept her eyes downcast, wishing she could say something--anything--to fill the heavy silence between them, but she didn't know what to say. What _could_ she say? She had done the right thing. She would feel so much worse if she'd gone through with it...if she'd used him. She knew that. Faranth, what a mess she had made of things.

U'kaiah sat back against the headboard. They were going to fall into a painfully awkward silence soon. The capstone to an already perfect first candlemark of his visit. This was going to be a very long restday if he didn't say or do _something_. Finally he just reached an arm to drape around her shoulders in a silent invitation.

After a moment's hesitation, Traelyn leaned against him, careful not to spill her drink. Shards, everything was just so scorched and twisted.... And it was her fault. Hers. She was torn between two men: one who had her love, and one who deserved it. Reaching over, she set her drink on the end-table, and then curled closer against U'kaiah, rubbing her cheek along his chest, as if trying to reassure herself that even though she blew it all to the Red Star--again--he was still here; if not as her lover, then as her friend.

He wrapped his arm around her tightly, his other reaching up to stroke her white-blonde hair. Shards, what was going on inside her? He wished there was something he could do. Anything to ease this pain. "You know, whatever it is, I would understand," he whispered gently, trying to give her one more chance to open up to him.

**No you wouldn't. Shards, love, it's about you.** She couldn't tell him. Wouldn't. Her feelings were so convoluted that even she could barely make sense of them all. But then, when had she truly ever understood what she felt? B'ram had very clearly pointed out to her that she didn't understand herself--that it took seeing herself through his eyes to finally make her understand the truth. Shards. Shaking her head, she pressed herself closer against him. "U'kaiah..."

"What? What is it?" he gently coaxed.

Gently she rested her ear against his chest, listening to his heartbeat. There was something so comforting--so familiar--about the way they were sitting now. It eased something inside of her, but what that something was, she couldn't guess. "Can you just...can you talk to me?" Shells, what a way to phrase such a question. But she wanted--needed--this feeling of familiarity to grow. Traelyn could recall simpler times at Dragonsfall, when they would sit curled together like this on his sofa, with him just talking to her. It was soothing...comforting.

He could do that. If that was what she needed. "All right. Well..." He searched his brain, trying to think of something to talk about. "Well, I've recruited a new greenrider for our waterball team. She's really a fast learner. With a bit more practice she might be good. I'm thinking she should join us in our next big practice out at the cove. Do you remember the cove?" he asked, looking down at her as he smoothed the hair back from her forehead. "You met me there on my birthingday last turn. I remember I was so surprised that you had actually remembered."

"How come?" She remembered that day. It had been beautiful. And after he'd opened his present, they'd shrugged out of their clothes and splashed out into the ocean like a couple of weyrbrats, jumping in the waves together. It had been innocent, fun--a day filled with laughter and teasing. Times had been simpler then, when their friendship was just beginning.

"Well, we really didn't know each other that well back then. We had only met... shards what was it... only a few sevendays before, really." A turn ago. Shards how much had changed. She had been a new Weyrwoman Second back then, and he had been a horny bronzerider pining away for Jaela. "Can you believe that we've known each other more than a turn? Sometimes it seems so long ago. But other times it seems like we've known each other a lifetime."

A lot had happened between then and now. But if there was one thing that had remained the same throughout the long months, it was U'kaiah's constancy in her life. No matter what, he was always there. And she suddenly realized just how important that constancy was to her. If it was taken away--if he left.... Traelyn shied away from that thought, and the feelings of dread it brought with it. "Something....something just clicked, with us."

"Yeah, it did." From the very start. From his very first vain attempts to flirt with her, he had always felt something... deeper. "Even with other people in our lives, there was always something... You know, Jaela used to call you my 'bosom buddy'. I think she knew."

She hesitated, going still against him. Jaela had always been a sensitive subject between them. But.... "You think so?" she asked softly.

"Yeah. You know she asked me the night you... well, that you became Weyrwoman. She asked me if I was sure I was worried about the wrong goldrider breaking my heart." And he couldn't help but wonder, if Jaela had lived, which would he be with now?

Oh, shards. Traelyn closed her eyes, the guilt once again resurfacing to the forefront of her mind. **I don't want to hurt you.**

"But she was right. I didn't realize it then, but she was right. We were more than friends. We were always more than friends." All that flirtation between them, masked behind friendship, there was truth in it too. "Do you remember that night in the bathing pool? After that stupid fight with N'vanik?"

She nodded. She'd never forget that night. It had been a turning point for them...and their friendship.

"I think I knew then that we could never be only friends. That maybe we never _had_ been only friends." Despite the fact that Jaela had been in his life. There had always been something more...

"I knew it too," she whispered, rubbing her cheek against him. And she had. No matter how many times she'd tried to deny it to herself, she'd known. And she hadn't acted on her feelings until the hurricane disaster had struck Dolphin Cove and she'd been forced to temporarily retreat back to Dragonsfall. And neither had he. They had waited for one another.

"Now I can't imagine my life without you." It wasn't just a platitude. It was the truth. What would have happened to him if Trae had not been there to be his comfort, his confidant, his support?

Traelyn closed her eyes, fingers tightening on the folds of his tunic as old memories washed through her--memories of when she had been forced to look into a possible future without him. More than a Turn ago, U'kaiah had put his life into jeopardy. It was a risk all dragonriders took when they rose against Thread, but he had come so close to walking the path L'kub had been forced to take all of those Turns ago.

She could remember sitting by his bed in the Infirmary, unable to eat or sleep because she'd been so worried. No. Worried wasn't the right word. She'd been afraid. Even then, when their friendship was just beginning, she'd been afraid to imagine her life without him in it. The relief she had felt when he'd stirred, groggily turning his head towards her, had been so acute. She could remember how her eyes had burned, how she'd cupped his face in her palm, needing to feel him beneath her fingers, gently berating him for giving her such a scare, a teasing note in her tone so he wouldn't pick up on how close she was to crying.

That time hadn't been the only time she'd had a scare. U'kaiah's fostermother had told her that his heart could very well be damaged due to the strain he had put it through by timing it far too much during that particular Fall. Traelyn could remember the morning she had stirred to find him gone from her weyr to the Dolphin Hall to get his heart checked by the dolphins there. She had been afraid for him then too. And that fear had been so blinding that she threw all responsibility and caution to the wind and followed him to Dolphin Cove Territory. Oh, how she had snarled at him, hiding her fear behind her temper...until, of course, Nyith had risen to mate.

That day, Traelyn had become Weyrwoman of Dolphin Cove. That day, she had to separate herself from U'kaiah.

And even though they had been half a world away from each other, she and U'kaiah remained close. Their friendship became stronger, their bond closer. They couldn't truly remain apart. And now they both had taken the next step. They were lovers, even though she lived here, and he lived at Dragonsfall.

Traelyn lifted her head to gaze up into his eyes. "We've come so far,"
she whispered, hand sliding to his arm, fingers caressing. She might have told B'ram that she loved him, but she knew now that she couldn't sever her ties with U'kaiah because of it. Not after all they had been through together.

U'kaiah smiled down at her. Tenderly, he reached up to teasingly caress the tip of her nose with his fingertip. "But we've only just started our journey, love."

A soft smile flickered across her mouth as she fit her cheek into his open hand. And she knew, with certainty now, that he was right.

Last updated on the March 2nd 2008

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Our Journey (2/2)