No More Secrets

Writers: Dana, Eimi
Date Posted: 10th February 2008

Characters: Traelyn, B'ram
Description: Trae is frighteningly honest with B'ram and herself
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 8, day 18 of Turn 4

B'ram

Light, soft touches drew Traelyn out of the hazy mist of sleep, and she stirred quietly against B'ram, dark eyes fluttering open slightly. They were both sprawled comfortably across her bed, nestled in the cool, rumpled linens. His arms surrounded her, blocking out most of the balmy air that filtered into her weyr from the outside. Her legs were entwined with his, one arm draped over his chest. As she became a bit more aware, she realized that it was his fingers running idly up and down her arm that had brought her out of her dream. Her eyes flickered to his hand, watching as his callused fingertips traced the length of her arm, lingering at the bend of her elbow before trailing down her forearm and back up again. Traelyn shivered a little, aware that now since she was awake, her flesh was responding to his caress, becoming sensitized. Shards, what a sensuous feeling. A sense of feminine satisfaction and vanity spread through her as she shifted slightly, tracing her lips along the line of his shoulder.

He had been awake for some time, but had just relaxed into the warmth of her body and lost himself in his own thoughts. It surprised him to find that she had woken up, but B'ram's arm tightened around her as he turned his head to brush his lips against her forehead. Shards, he could lie like this all day. With a content sigh his head rolled back into his comfortable dent he had made in the pillow and turned once more to his own thoughts, his fingers still tracing lazy lines along her skin.

A pale brow rose slightly at his somewhat distracted response. Shifting again, she tilted her head so she could see the profile of his face lined against the darkness of the weyr. Her eyes traced the familiar creases of his skin, the sharp bridge of his nose, the lips that she had teased and tasted but candlemarks before. In her mind's eye she could see each freckle sprinkled on his cheek, each lash as his eyes closed...and the way his green eyes would change in color and in depth as he looked at her when they loved and saw her for _her_--not as Atreyn. Shards, how things have changed between them over the months.

Well, some things. Not everything.

"You're up early." Her voice was quiet, but it didn't hold the soft, sweet tone that it did when she spoke to U'kaiah in the dark.

"Hmmm?" he asked, turning back towards her almost guiltily. "Sorry, I was lost /between/ there a moment. What did you say?"

"I said that you're up early." Traelyn rested her chin on his shoulder. "Unusual for you."

"Yeah, I guess it is. I don't know what woke me." Guilt, probably. He wondered if he had dreamed of Eleada, and that was what had roused him. She certainly had been on his mind almost from the moment he had opened his eyes.

A brow arched. "No?"

He shrugged slightly and shook his head from side to side. "Don't know. Just woke up, I guess."

Traelyn studied him, frowning just a little. Over the past months, she had noticed that during quiet times like this, she and B'ram would begin to talk to each other about little things. Mundane things. They would hesitantly ask how their day was, or what they had done that day. Granted, it wasn't always comfortable. She didn't slip easily into those kinds of conversations with B'ram. It just....wasn't them. And those kinds of conversations tended to turn more intimate anyway--and Traelyn was very good at reading him. Had been for quite a while.

"Are you all right, B'ram?"

"Yeah. Of course. Why wouldn't I be?" he asked innocently. Perhaps a little _too_ innocently.

Sighing, she propped herself up on an elbow. "Don't lie to me."

"I'm not _lying_, Trae. Nothing's wrong exactly. I'm just thinking." He knew invariably what the next question would be. Shards, he might as well just say it. The brownrider let out a long sigh and turned his head away from her once more to look out into the blacked room. "I was just thinking that maybe I should try to find Eleada for breakfast. That's all."

Traelyn stared at him. That was the _last_ thing she had expected him to say. And the subject of his thoughts was most unwelcome. She could feel heat of embarrassment and jealousy flush her cheeks and she stiffened, shrugging away from his hand. What an insensitive arse! For him to think about another woman while lying in her bed, entwined in her arms... Shards, what a sharding blow to her feminine pride.

He knew she wouldn't be happy. But seriously, what did she expect of him?
"Look, your bronzerider might be all the way at Dragonsfall, but Eleada is _here_ and I haven't seen her in days. She has needs too, you know."

"He has a name," she snarled over him, sitting up. When she looked at him, her dark eyes flashed with temper. "And if you sharding want to go 'satisfy her needs,' then leave now." **You're obviously not here anyway.**

"Hey," he shot back, sitting up and looking her straight in the eye in the dim light. "I never said I wanted to go. I just said that I think I should try to have _breakfast_ with her. What's wrong with that?" **And I don't give a flaming piece of Thread about your bronzerider or his sharding name!**

Traelyn hated to admit that she felt threatened by Eleada. It was a weakness--one she didn't want to expose, and certainly not to B'ram. Shards, she was such a scorched hypocrite. "If you don't see anything wrong with--" She cut herself off, closing her mouth with a click of the teeth. Throwing her legs over the side of the bed, she turned her back on him, fighting to leash her temper...fighting to mask her fear.

But B'ram knew her too well. He knew her because they were like-minded creatures. "Oh, I'm sorry, is the Gold feeling a little territorial this morning?"

Furious, she whirled around, heart thudding painfully in her chest. That struck too close to home. Much too close. "Get out," she hissed, too angry to make her voice any louder. "Now."

"I suppose I should be grateful the gold dallied so long with the lowly brown," B'ram growled as he threw the sheets off of him. "Why don't you just stick to your bronzerider!" he spat, and yet that very thought made him furious. The truth of it was, as much as she wanted to keep him all to herself, he could not stand the memory of the way she looked at that sharding bronzerider. She had _never_ looked at him that way and that knowledge ate away at his insides.

"He has a _name_!" Traelyn stood, fists clenched at her sides. "Use it!"

"Yeah, well, I apparently can't even mention Eleada's name around you,"
B'ram shot back and he pulled on his trousers. "Why should I care a flaming pile of Thread what your eager little canine's name is!"

If she could have reached him, she would have struck him for that. She knew she would have. "You arrogant ass. How dare you!" Her nails bit into her shaking palms so hard that she felt them pierce the flesh. "Just because you won't call him by his name doesn't mean that he will go away, B'ram. He won't!"

B'ram snorted as he thrust his arm into a sleeve of his shirt. "And you think getting angry at me and kicking me out of your weyr is going to _discourage_ my relationship with Eleada?"

As he moved towards the door, Traelyn started after him, swiftly sliding between him and his escape. She stood defiantly before him, clothed in nothing but her long, pale hair. Her breathing was harsh from the conflicting, furious emotions whirling inside of her, and she braced her hands on her hips, ready to hurl at him whatever curse came next to her mind. But, what she snarled instead was, "You're just as selfish as I am."

"I may be selfish, but I'm not afraid." B'ram side-stepped her and reached for the doorknob.

Her fingers locked around his wrist. "You are afraid."

"Of what?" he asked, meeting her fierce stare dead on.

She glared at him.

B'ram still held her gaze. He had always been as stubborn as she was. "Say it."

"I sharding don't have to. You know what I'm talking about."

"You think I'm afraid of losing you. Alright, maybe I am," he admitted without so much as a blink. "But you live your life in fear. You're afraid everyone in the Weyr will see you for being a fake. You're afraid you were never meant to be a Weyrwoman. You are afraid every time you see your bronzerider that he'll catch a glimpse of the real you. You're afraid that you just might lose the one person on Pern that you can be your true self with. And the thing that scares you the most is that it's _me_ and not him."

An awful silence fell as they stared at one another. He knew her. Faranth, how he knew her. "Damn you," she whispered, dropping his wrist.

"Am I right?" he asked wrapping his fingers firmly around her own wrists. "Am I?"

"I hate you!" Her voice was faint, almost desperate as she tugged against his hold, struggling. "Let me go. I do! I hate you." But he wouldn't let her go. She was trapped, pinned between the door and his body. Trapped in his eyes. Trapped in the truth of his words.

He pulled her arms above her head and pressed her against the door with his body. His voice like his grip was firm but not hard as he looked her straight in the eye, almost as if he could see her soul displayed for him there. "I have kept no secrets from you. But there's something you've been hiding from me. Something you've probably hidden even from yourself.
Be honest with me, Trae. No more secrets. No more lies."

She tensed, muscles straining to be free of him. **Let me go.** But she couldn't run. And she couldn't hide. ...And suddenly, the desire to do so fled from her. All at once the tension drained out of her, leaving her pliant in his grasp. Traelyn buried her head against his chest, trembling as the realization dawned on her. "I love you."

His hands slid down her arms to encircle her and pull her close. Shards, he had been waiting so long to hear those words. Closing his eyes he turned his head to bury his nose in her hair. It was what he needed to hear. That small bit of validation was all he needed to keep up this sharding charade they were living for another day. "I won't leave you, Traelyn," he promised her softly. "I can't leave you."

Shaking her head, her fingers grasped at the folds of his tunic, pulling herself even closer to him. She loved him. For better or for worse, she did. Tears pricked her eyes, and she squeezed them tightly shut, but not before a few slid beneath her lashes, soaking through B'ram's shirt.

The brownrider just held her and let her cry. They had nothing more to hide from each other. Not even tears.

Last updated on the February 14th 2008

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No More Secrets