Still Here

Writers: Dana, Eimi
Date Posted: 30th September 2007

Characters: B'ram, Traelyn
Description: B'ram and Trae make a confession
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 5, day 28 of Turn 4
Notes: Follows: "Walk Away"

B'ram

B'ram had known she had been awake for some time. The sun probably had not come up yet. She was just restless. He could tell there was something on her mind the way she traced aimless patterns on his skin, her cheek resting on his chest as she stared off into the dim shadows. She hadn't even noticed when he had woken up until he covered her fidgeting hand with his. It startled her so that she jumped guiltily, glancing up at him and quickly looking away.

She had been thinking about _him_.

The brownrider buried his resentment deep. He knew she had come to him that night, that she had wanted him despite her feelings for the bronzerider. B'ram had practically made her beg for it. It had been a cruel thing to do, but it had driven home a point - no one knew Trae like B'ram knew Trae, not even that pretty bronzerider from Dragonsfall. But now was not a time to gloat. He had gotten what he had wanted. Now it was time to give her what she wanted - what she _needed_. Reaching up he began gently kneading the tense muscles at the base of her neck, and he could felt her instantly melt into the touch.

He felt her breathe a heavy sigh, her lids closed, hiding her conflicted eyes. But when they opened again, she raised her gaze to his. There was a hint of resignation in them, but she did not shy away. It was the real Trae - vulnerable, confused, insecure - all the parts of her she hid from everyone. Everyone but him. This was _his_ Trae, she was meant for B'ram alone, and no bronzerider could have her.

Almost as one they both turned over onto their side, B'ram's arms wrapping protectively around her, hiding her away as she leaned into him and curled her fingers around his wrist. He leaned down to kiss her shoulder softly, wondering if she had lain in the bronzerider's arms like she was now. Probably.

But he knew it was not like this.

That bronzerider probably would have whispered softly all those words lovers say to each other - "You're so beautiful", "You don't know how wonderful you are", "I will never forget tonight", "I feel so lucky to be with you like this"... All those words that women long to hear after an evening of making love. But that bronzerider would not know how much Trae despised those words.

He wouldn't know about all the bronzeriders who had whispered those words in her ear before - the V'dars and U'wakis... How could he know that when Trae was young she had fed off those words, she had believed every compliment, every promise. Words like that could make her feel like the queen of the Weyr, until she realized that pretty words were all just part of their game. They were all just a ploy to get her coming back for more, and when the night or the tumble was done, those words would be whispered into the next woman's ear. Trae had learned not to believe pretty words.

But B'ram knew the silent language Trae could understand. Soft kisses, tender caresses, light touches which told her everything she truly wanted to hear - "I'm still here", "I still want to be with you", "I'm not leaving your side". That bronzerider could tell Trae he loved her a thousand times and mean it, but did he know Trae well enough to know that those words had lost all meaning to her? Did he know that just holding her reached places deep inside her those words could no longer touch?

Did that bronzerider really know her at all?

B'ram reached over to gently turn her head towards him, and he kissed her, slow and deep. It was still there - the loneliness and fear on the tip of her tongue. It tasted sweet to him. No, the bronzerider didn't know her. Not like he knew her. And B'ram was determined he never would.
**This is my Trae...**

"You love him," he whispered softly, his lips still so close to hers he could feel the warmth of her breath. It was a statement, not a question.

"And if I do?" Her voice was just as soft as her lips drifted to his.

"Then I want to know," he replied quietly, his lips drifting to caress her chin. "We have no secrets." Something he was sure she could not claim with that bronzerider.

Traelyn didn't pull away from his touch, but something inside of her stiffened defensively. "Is that why you care? Because we have no secrets?"

"I care the same as you do." He had not missed her irritation at the thought that he had not been alone before she was allowed into his room. B'ram knew there was that edge of fear in her that another woman would rise to take her place. Again.

Her smile was bitter as she turned her face away, eyes flashing in the darkness. "Do you love her?"

He kissed the side of her neck, knowing just how deep a nerve he had touched in her. "Does it really matter?"

Ignoring his question, she studied his chest, watching as it rose and fell with each breath she could feel against her skin. "Do you?"

Her avoiding the question answered it for him. It did matter, much more than she wanted to admit. "No, not yet. But I think I could." **If I don't completely ruin it all...**

She hated that his answer scared her. She hated the jealousy that writhed within. Shards and shells, she had no right! U'kaiah's face flashed before her, and she closed her eyes. **I'm such a scorched hypocrite.** Did she love U'kaiah? She wanted to. Traelyn cared for him deeply, and loved him as friends love. And now there was something wonderful...something more to their relationship. She had thought it was love.... But what was love? Was it that something more? Was it the shiver of delight that ran down her spine when she thought about him? Was it the golden warmth that spread throughout her body to her heart when he murmured her name? When he kissed her? When he looked at her with that expression in his dark eyes she couldn't quite place? Faranth...she didn't know anymore.

No! She sharding couldn't doubt it. She couldn't.

With a slight shudder she sat up, the soft sheet sliding down her body as she stared out into the darkness. "How do you know?"

"Maybe I don't know. Maybe it's just a hope." He sat up beside her, wrapping an arm around her waist. B'ram was not going to let her run away. He could not give an inch for that bronzerider to steal away from him. Not this time. Not ever again. The brownrider kissed her shoulder softly. "Even if I did love her, I'm still here, Trae. And so are you. That has to mean something."

"Yes," she murmured, meeting his eyes. "But don't you ever pull another stunt like the one you pulled on me tonight. Not ever. I _will not_ be tossed around like that, B'ram. I won't."

"And don't you ever toss your lover in my face," he said softly, letting his hand caress up her back to take the sting out of his words. "I didn't deserve that." She knew she could have quietly slipped away with her bronzerider, but she had deliberately made of show of it, and that had been an equally painful slap in the face.

Traelyn looked down, feeling somewhat ashamed. Yes, he had challenged her down on the dance floor, but she shouldn't have let her pride get the better of her. She really needed to work on that. It had been one of her Turn's End resolutions, after all. "I know." Gently she rested her head on his shoulder, still feeling a little awkward. "It's an awful characteristic of mine." But he knew that....

"I know," he murmured softly, gently lifting her face to his and brushing his lips across hers. "But I still want to be with you." A fact he wanted to be sure she never forgot. He knew her, the worst parts of her, the parts she hid away in shame from the rest of the world, even her bronzerider. B'ram knew it all, and still loved her.

Last updated on the October 1st 2007

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