Dragonsfall Weyr
Amber Hills Hold
Vintner Hall
Healer Hall
Hidden Meadows

Dolphin Cove Weyr
Dolphin Hall
Emerald Falls Hold
Harper Hall
Printer Hall
Green Valley Hold
Leeward Lagoon Hold

Barrier Lake Weyr
Sunstone Seahold
Citrus Bay Hold

Elsewhere on Pern
NPC Weyr
River Bluff Weyr
Seacraft Hall

Story Listing
Series Listing

Weyrling Training

Writers: Vix
Date Posted: 2nd August 2007

Characters: Tamaca
Description: On the anniversary of her birthingday, Tamaca reflects on life and its expectations and disappointments.
Location: River Bluff Weyr
Date: month 5, day 1 of Turn 4

"Twenty turns." Tam said the words aloud though she was the only one in the room - unless she counted the reflection of herself in the mirror. She studied her appearance and decided that she really did not look bad for someone who was numerically a turn older than the day before. Her hair was clean and brushed, falling smoothly down her back, showing a slight sheen in the dim light of her room. Her eyes regarded her unblinking. Her mouth was unsmiling, but full-lipped.

She mimed a kiss at the mirror, then allowed the corners of her mouth to curve upward slowly. A slight tilt of her head and an inviting look completed the exercise - one she might test on someone later that evening.

She moved away from the mirror and sat on the bed, relaxing against the pillow, but careful not to muss her skirt. She could go to the dining cavern and seek out some companionship, but did not yet feel ready to face the crowds that usually gathered there at this time of day.

Twenty turns. Her parents had still been weyrmated at that time, though they were already on the path to separating. Her brother Lacardin would have been four turns old and Tamdin about a turn and a half. She wondered what their thoughts had been when she was born, and concluded that initially they would have determined - especially Tamdin -- that it didn't really matter. However, before long they probably would have realized that she took enough of their mother's time that yes, it did matter.

She stretched her legs and remembered another time, a few turns later, when two of her friends had decided to play together without her. Tamaca had tried to join in but been denied that privilege and had isolated herself in a corner, where a candlemark later her mother had found her, tears streaming down her face. Through her sobs, she had described her rejection, her wanting to belong. Her mother had shrugged it off, telling her that in the long run it didn't really matter. But to Tamaca, alone and rejected, yes, it did matter.

Still more turns brought another memory. This time she had decided to visit her father, making her way through the corridors to his weyr. She had arrived just before his return to his quarters and had watched his hugs and cheerful greeting to her half-brother, Dinden, seen the kiss for his weyrmate and the rub of her belly, bulging with soon-to-be-born Cardis, and then endured the quick glance and hello for her. She had cried then as well, complaining to her brothers that it wasn't fair that her father's other family claimed all of his attention. Lacardin had nodded that this was the way of the Weyr, and that many others shared their parents with second or third families. He assured her that it didn't really matter. But to Tamaca, yes, it did matter.

Her brothers both Stood for Hatchings as soon as they were old enough, and both knew rejections. But when she came of age, all three of them were there together, side by side on the hot Sands. They knew that this was it, the time for all three of them to Impress - siblings finding dragon siblings with whom to spend their lives. However, when the last shell had cracked, both Lacardin and Tamdin - now L'car and T'din - had left to feed their hatchlings, while Tam stood and waited. The tears that she shed felt as hot as the sand beneath her feet, but her mother came and led her away, telling her that there would be other opportunities to Impress, and that it didn't really matter. But to Tamaca, left behind, yes, it did matter.

She had remained close to them, to those brothers on their dragons, helping to bathe the blue and the brown, learning all that she could about them and waiting for that time when she would join them as a dragonrider. She was still waiting when Thread once again fell and they rose to meet it. L'car returned with his pain and scarring, while T'din, always her closest friend, left her forever as he went /between/. In her grief, Tamaca had no comfort, her mother and grandmother wrapped up in L'car's recuperation. After she had shed her tears, she closed herself off, telling herself that it didn't really matter, closing off that small part of her that told her, yes, it did matter.

Even in her isolation, she honored her brothers' memory by continuing to Stand, to go to the Sands with each new clutch and to leave the Hatching Grounds alone. She did it only for them, for their sacrifice.

She rose from her bed, checking her appearance in the mirror one last time as she reflected on that. Then she started for the door, to find someone with whom to celebrate, someone with whom to have fun, though not to draw close to her in any way that mattered. After all, she needed no one.

With her hand on the doorknob, she nodded, at that thought. She needed no one, and though she would Stand and not Impress, that was alright, because it really didn't matter.

She closed two doors behind her as she left for the dining cavern.

The first door was made of wood, separating her room from the rest of the Weyr.

The second door was not visible to anyone, nor did Tamaca admit to herself its existence: that which closed away that niggling thought, **Yes. It does matter.**

Last updated on the August 2nd 2007