Wearying

Writers: Bree, Dana
Date Posted: 10th July 2007
Series: Saving Each Other

Characters: Traelyn, Talryne
Description: Tal and Trae realize that they both have more in common than they first thought...
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 3, day 22 of Turn 4

Talryne

Shards, this was embarrassing. It had been Turns since she'd had such an adolescent-like slip up like this. Traelyn had been in such a hurry to sharding get out of N'vanik's weyr the night before that she'd left her brassier in his weyr. Somewhere. In the grand scheme of things, it really wasn't so awful, but to be honest, it was the thought of facing N'vanik that made her nervous--and embarrassed. She didn't _want_ to be nervous--and things certainly didn't have to be awkward between them--but still...

Sighing, she knocked once on N'vanik's weyr door. When he didn't answer, she knocked again. Maybe he wasn't there...

The door opened after a moment, and Talryne stood there looking oddly unsurprised at who was at the door. "I'm sorry. N'vanik isn't back from drills yet..."

"Oh." So this was Talryne... Who else could it be? Forcing a smile, and wishing she didn't feel so sharding out of place, Traelyn kept herself from taking a step back. "You must be Talryne? I'm Traelyn."

"I know," Tal replied quietly. "You were the Weyrwoman's Second when I transferred here." And she'd listened to plenty of gossip about Traelyn and N'vanik in her first months at Dragonsfall. More than she wanted to think about right now.

"Oh... Yes." Shards, this was awkward. Maybe facing N'vanik would have been easier. Nervously she fingered the end of her braid. "Listen, Talryne... I'm, ah, not exactly here to see N'vanik." Her smile was faint. "I left something here. Would you mind if I came in and dug around for it? It...really shouldn't take too long."

She opened the door silently, stepping back to let the goldrider pass. "It's all right if you want to wait for him," Tal said as she closed the door quietly. "I can go back to my weyr."

Traelyn shook her head as she came inside. Shards, she could just imagine the look on N'vanik's face if he found out that she drove Talryne away. It was a terrible image. "No." Her eyes wandered around the weyr, taking in details that she'd seen countless times before, but suddenly it felt like she was seeing them for the first time--out of someone else's eyes. Again she forced that faint smile. "You don't have to go anywhere. I'm leaving as soon as I find...what I'm looking for."

Even with the entire situation so awkward, Tal tried to be polite. "Can I help you look?"

"Um, well..." Traelyn had the grace enough to look a little embarrassed. Shards, if it had been anyone else in this sharding Weyr... She just didn't know how to act towards Talryne. Being flippantly casual about her affair with N'vanik seemed too insensitive. But acting like Talryne was ignorant of she and N'vanik's...thing...would be insulting. "If you see anything black and lacy lying around, it's mine." She quickly turned away and headed towards the bedroom. Hopefully it was just shoved somewhere between the sheets so she could just snatch it and get out...

"All right." Talryne followed her into the sleeping chamber, her face still impassive. As she tugged the bedding straight, she glanced up at Traelyn. "You don't have to be embarrassed. N'vanik has plenty of women other than me. It's not a surprise."

"N'vanik isn't one to be very subtle," she muttered, bending over the pillows, hands searching beneath them for the feel of soft lace.

That made the corner of her mouth twitch up as she leaned down to check under the bed. "I suppose it's not one of his strong suits. I don't mind, though. Better to know than wonder."

"True." She shoved a pillow out of her way so she could drop a hand behind the headboard.

Silence stretched out for a moment before Talryne spoke again. "I'm sorry I took up so much of his time. I know--I know you two are close. I didn't mean to be in the way."

Traelyn paused in her search to look at the younger woman as images of the night before sprang to life in her mind--the almost distant look in his eyes as he moved above her, the expression on his face when he told her he had to leave... "Talryne," she cleared her throat. "N'vanik and I...we're not as close as you seem to think we are." Carefully she perched on the edge of the bed. "Maybe we were at one point, when I was still living here. But..." she shrugged self-consciously.

After a moment Tal looked up to meet Traelyn's eyes. "Is it my fault?" It was easy enough to read the guilt in the young woman's eyes.

"It's no one's fault," she replied, her voice a little sharper than she had intended, and she firmly stepped down on that flash of temper. She wasn't entirely sure if it was true, but it was the best answer she could give Talryne--especially since Traelyn herself didn't really understand why it'd happened. She thought she'd known...but she could only guess--and believe those guesses. The younger woman was already so vulnerable....she didn't want to add to Talryne's obvious guilt and suffering.

Talryne turned and sank to the edge of the bed a little ways from Traelyn.
"All right. But... I'm still sorry."

Traelyn shook her head. "Sometimes people just...drift apart. They move on." Shards, how she knew it too. Seeing that expression in N'vanik's eyes, that distant expression, had been familiar, but just because she had seen it before in other men didn't mean that it made seeing it again any easier.

"I suppose they do." Talryne wrapped her arms around her stomach and tried not to feel ill at the thought of N'vanik moving on. "I don't really know much about it."

"About moving on?"

Tal shrugged. "About any of it. Never been with someone long enough to move on."

Traelyn smiled faintly. "It's easier to flit from man to man, isn't it?"

"Yeah. A lot easier." Tal studied her feet and shrugged. "Sometimes I sorta wish I felt up to doing it again."

"It's a way to protect yourself. To not be too attached to someone...to keep yourself aloof..." She sighed, looking down at her entwined fingers.
"It keeps you from being hurt. I can understand that." **I do understand that.**

Talryne nodded absently, then glanced at Traelyn. "It doesn't always help, though. You can end up just as hurt flitting from man to man as you would standing still. I did."

"So did I," she replied quietly. Then a wry smile curved her lips as she met Talryne's eyes. "Ironic, isn't it? You flit from man to man to protect yourself, and yet you still get hurt."

"Yeah." Talryne shrugged slightly. "I guess I just figure I can't really get hurt any worse than I already am."

Shards. It was unnerving how alike they seemed to be. Traelyn didn't even know this girl, and yet.... "It gets wearying."

"Wearying. That's a good word for it." Talryne glanced up at Traelyn and smiled slightly. "It's nice when someone understands."

Yes, it was. "I think I want to try standing still."

"Because you want to?" Tal's eyes showed almost too much understanding. "Or are you just too tired to keep running?"

Traelyn held her eyes, smiling a little. "Both."

Her smile was returned. "Good luck."

Last updated on the July 11th 2007

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Wearying