Some Losses Haunt Us

Writers: Devin, Noli
Date Posted: 8th July 2025

Characters: D'ren, Aynia
Description: The friends share drinks and backstories.
Location: Barrier Lake Weyr
Date: month 9, day 12 of Turn 12

Aynia

"More wine?" D'ren offered as he reached to refill his own glass. They were in his weyr, sitting comfortably in the large chairs on either side of the low table in his living area.

"Please," she said, lazily extending her glass towards him to top off as she studied the game board in front of her. She flashed him a smile of thanks, then winked slyly as she selected one of the tiny wooden figurines that served as markers and moved it to a new position. "Better watch it. My bronze is about to catch the Benden Queen, and the tithes are gonna put you out."

"You should have warned me you were good at this." D'ren laughed as he studied the board.

"Hey, every girl is entitled to a few secrets." Her voice was low and mysterious, thought her eyes were laughing. She took a long, slow sip of her newly refreshed wine and gave a satisfied sigh as she settled more deeply into the comfortable seat. "You probably should cut me off after this glass. I don't always hold my drink well." She watched as D'ren debated his next move, feeling warm and content.

}: Your rider is good for mine,:{ Nalath purred happily at Menanth as she adjusted her smaller green frame to fit even more tightly against his larger bronze one. Her tail flicked and wrapped itself gently around his lower near hind leg.

He rumbled his pleasure. }:I am glad mine has another friend.:{

"Oh no. Don't tell me I'm going to be holding your hair back while you hug the toilet. Or are you more the dancing on a table type?" He moved his piece and hoped that would at least keep him in the game longer.

Aynia giggled, amused by the mental image of jumping onto the table, scattering the game as she tried to dance. She completely lacked rhythm, and she pictured D'ren begging her to come down before she hurt herself with her wild gyrations.

"No, nothing like that. More the 'ruin a perfectly pleasant evening with sudden disconsolateness' type." She giggled again and closed her eyes a few heartbeats. She wanted to hold onto this moment-- good conversation, friendly affection, safety.

Then she opened her eyes and, with an exaggerated flourish, moved one of her Craftmaster pieces to an unexpected location, consolidating her control of the western hemisphere. "Sir, I think that's game." And she drained the rest of her glass in satisfaction.

D'ren groaned and leaned back in his chair. "Well, at least I can say I was bested by a worthy opponent."

_Worthy_... and despite her best efforts to the contrary, she felt the old familiar cloud of gloom peek its way over the horizon of her subconsciousness. Her smile faded, and she sighed.

"Something wrong?" D'ren asked, a wrinkle forming between his brows.

"Hmmm? Oh. No, I'm fine. Its just..." She fumbled, not sure if she should continue. Despite-- or maybe because of-- their friendship beginning over a discussion about a similar topic a few months ago, and her own assurances to D'ren that day that their dragons hadn't made a mistake in choosing them, Aynia felt unsure. It wasn't that she didn't _trust_ D'ren. It was more that she didn't trust herself to be able to articulate why her logical mind and her emotional mind were coming to such wildly different conclusions.

But he looked genuinely concerned, and so she finally decided to take a leap of faith.

"About a Turn ago, I lost a baby. It wasn't a planned pregnancy, and the father... ah... didn't want to be involved. It was a mating flight." Like a dam had broken, the words came rushing out, fast and heavy with emotion. "I know that kind of thing happens all the time. But it really hurt. It still does." She touched her empty stomach.

"I lost contact with my family when I was young. I'm not even sure where most of them are. And the pregnancy was like my second chance. And then I lost that, too."

Hot tears stung behind her eyes, threatening to loose like her words. She blinked rapidly to quell the threat, ducking her head. She continued, her words had slowed, her tone low. "I don't feel worthy. Not of Nalath. Here I have the most perfect love on Pern, and instead of being grateful, I'm over here distressing her about a child that never even took a breath."

"Oh. Oh Aynia, I'm so sorry." No wonder she seemed so haunted.

Aynia managed a weak smile. "No, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ruin game night like this."

"I'm glad you told me," D'ren said gently.

Aynia was glad, too. It was not something she'd ever spoken about (outside of the forced session she had attended with the mindhealer at Dragonsfall when a nosy healer had required it before releasing her back to the fighting wings) and it was a relief to have a friend who was willing to listen without judgment.

"Thank you, D'ren." The danger had passed for now; she had felt the fullness of her pain while in someone else's presence, and had managed to get back to a place of calm without either fleeing or attempting to sleep with them in order to numb it. She counted that as a win.

She looked at her empty wineglass. "I know what I said before. But if there's any left, I'd take a little more wine."

D'ren hesitated. "Maybe half a glass?" He got up and reached for the bottle. "Some losses, they . . . haunt us."

She watched him as he moved. It seemed as if D'ren may have had some experience in this area, too. "You lost someone, too, didn't you?" She kept her voice soft, enough so that he could pretend to have not heard the question if he didn't want to answer.

"Not like you, it . . ." D'ren paused to think as he poured the wine for her. "It was one of my clutchmates. He was too young for the Wings, but the Weyrleader lowered the fighting age to fifteen because we'd lost so many . . . Anyway." The bronzerider took his seat again. "He died in Fall. I was supposed to be looking out for him."

"I'm sorry, D'ren." Aynia was flooded with compassion for her friend, sensing how deeply the grief ran. "I know it doesn't necessarily help, but... it wasn't your fault." She fell silent and accepted the glass he handed her, taking a small sip.

The deep red coloring of the liquid captured her attention, and she stared into the glass for a few moments, fascinated. It reminded her of blood, of fire, of strong emotion reflected in her dragon's eyes. It reminded her of the very nature and frailty of humanity. It reminded her of love, the kind that she felt for her lost child and that D'ren seemed to feel for his lost clutchmate. It reminded her of life and of death.

Aynia tore her gaze away from the wine and brought it back to rest on D'ren.

"I know it's not, but I still feel guilty sometimes." D'ren sipped his wine. "I couldn't shake the gloom and I ended up transferring to River Bluff to try to escape it," he said with a sad, ironic smile.

Aynia nodded in understanding. That was exactly why she had come here to Barrier Lakes.

"Sometimes I feel like bad luck is just following me around. Everywhere I go, something terrible happens." D'ren stared into his glass.

Aynia wanted desperately to find the words to take away D'ren's pain...but she knew that no such words existed. His experiences were real, and his feelings were real, and no amount of platitudes would erase them. So instead, she tried to give him the same thing he had given her: safety to express the pain.

"I get it," she responded softly. "It's not fair, what's happened to us." She sipped from her wine again.

He sighed. "It's not, but . . . we're still here, and we can hope for brighter days." He lifted his glass.

She lifted her own in assent. "To brighter days. And to friends to support us through the bad ones."

Last updated on the July 21st 2025

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Some Losses Haunt Us