Back to Reality (2/2)

Writers: Avery, Yvonne
Date Posted: 16th March 2025

Characters: Riveenata, J'nus, Kapera
Description: N/a
Location: Barrier Lake Weyr
Date: month 2, day 9 of Turn 12
Notes: Mentioned: K'ran, F'lin, Aydhan, Jayzine, Zaverin, D'hol

Kapera

"She - dragons aren't supposed to - Why didn't I die?" Kapera sobbed, burying her face into J'nus' chest.

"I don't know. She loved you, she thought you were-- we all did. I'm so sorry, Kapera." J'nus held her tighter, trying to keep her there with him. "I'm here. I need you. I can't-- be without you."

J’nus’ tone scared her. She’d never heard him sound like this - desperate? Scared? In pain? Always in their time together he had been the rock. She had been sad, or been angry, or been nettled, or anxious, or been any kind of messy emotional state at all. No matter what disaster happened, he was calm through it. When the dragonet had died on the Sands of Dragonsfall, he’d grieved too, but he’d held onto her.

But now he didn’t sound calm at all.

If people thought she’d died… if he had thought so… what had happened to her, to make them think so? To make _Riyanth_ think she'd gone? The part of her brain that wasn’t engaged in screaming grieving for her other half needed to know why he was sounding like...like he'd seen the end of everything.

“What happened?” she asked again. Her voice was wavery still, but stronger. “I don’t remember.”

“You had a head injury as part of it, so you may not remember much. The other trauma can have made it worse. Several people would like to know what you remember. But before you think about it too much, or hear too much, let me tell you something. Healer to patient.” Riveenata interjected as she came in with the draught. She caught J’nus’ eye.

“I’m not letting senior leadership in here until you’re ready for them. You get to decide what you want to do. I will hold out the Weyrleader and Second if I have to until you tell me you’re ready to talk to anyone else. If you want immediate mercy, we’ll do that. If you want medicine for your nerves before you hear the details, we’ll do that. If you want to sleep first, we’ll do that. It’s all your choice.”

Kapera looked at the greenrider who was standing with a lifted chin and a fierce expression, and then at J’nus. The way she was talking about leadership waiting to hear what she remembered… when J’nus said she’d been hurt…

“I want J’nus to tell me what happened first. And… give me that.”

Riveenata handed over the cup to the bronzerider, figuring giving him the job would help. “No more than half of this will give you settled nerves, but no sleep.”

The bronzerider stared at the cup for a moment, then held it up to Kapera's lips. "I'll tell you, but please have some first." He could see fresh blood spotting through the bandages around her chest, or maybe it was from where he'd cut his chin earlier.

It was good J'nus was holding the cup, as it took some doing for her to drink it. The first mouthful dripped half down her face and neck. The second and third made it down.

He set the cup aside and took her back into his arms. "I... it was at the Completion Ceremony. That was two days ago."

Two days? Kapera couldn't fathom how she'd been out two days. That meant that she'd been without her lifemate - **Riyanth!, oh Riyanth,** - for two whole days and she hadn't _known_. She pressed a finger againt his lips to wordlessly silence him for a moment as she struggled with the news.

She remembered planning with Aydhan and K'ran and Jayzine very well. She remembered oiling Riyanth in the morning. She remembered...she'd commissioned new jewelry for it. But she didn't really remember the ceremony itself. Flashes came to mind. Speeches. Dancing. Drinking.

"I don't remember," Kapera admitted, moving her finger so he could keep talking.

"We didn't know if you'd wake up..." His voice broke and he pressed his hand against his eyes, then took a deep breath. "It was late. I was taking someone home... but then Riyanth called out, I think. Kopth took us to our ledge and when I came in there was a man... he had a knife. There was so much blood. He'd... attacked you, when you'd come in through the door."

Flashes came to mind. Speeches. Dancing. Drinking. A headache. But she couldn't remember her weyr at all. She couldn't remember anything he was saying. A knife? Blood? An attack? It sounded distant and far away. Like it happened to someone who wasn't her. In a story. It was just words of a tragedy that had happened elsewhere. She could say, 'oh no, how terrible', but not have to think more. Because it didn't affect her. If it affected her, she'd _remember_. She'd _feel_ something.

- but Kapera reached out to find her dragon, and found only nothing.

That was the cold shocking reminder. This wasn't a story. It had happened to her. But if so, why did she remember nothing? Why did everything feel so disconnected? Numb?

It was clear J'nus was struggling to keep going. Kapera imagined trying to hear about _him_ being injured in the same way. Physical injuries. Wanting to spare him, she looked over to the Healer.

"How hurt am I?" she asked.

Riveenata steeled herself to speak, drawing on her Healer training to deliver awful news with sensitivity to the patient while remaining detached and not getting swept up in the horror and revulsion she felt as a dragonrider thinking about losing her own dragon and a weyr resident thinking about the assault on her Weyrwoman.

"You have several knife wounds from the assault. You also took a serious blow to the head which knocked you unconscious. It was probably why Riyanth couldn't find you."

That was the key Kapera needed to understand. As a goldrider, Kapera had directed Riyanth to press down on panicked dragons who needed to be held steady when their riders were ill and unconscious. She remembered the way they'd helped hold Yumath during D'hol's surgery. When a bronze had required multiple golds in a planned surgery... a gold panicking when her rider couldn't be heard, if the other golds and bronzes hadn't been ready to try to hold her - and even if they had, Riyanth was - had been - the senior gold - could they have...

"And I've been out this whole time?"

"Yes. To make sure you were stitched up and treated, there was fellis dosing on the first day. Then we lightened it up to see if you'd wake on your own. If your body was able."

There could have been injuries to the brain from the blow to the head. The Healer knew that head hits killed people, sometimes immediately, sometimes after days. Sometimes people lost function after concussions or comas. And it could have been non-physical, though she didn't say that; everyone in the room knew that sometimes riders who lost their dragons just died in their sleep, will to live gone.

"Well, I'm awake now," Kapera said, trying to give a sarcastic little smile but it just came out as a grimace. "And...I hurt. My chest, my head..."

"I can get you painkillers for that," Riveenata said.

}:Kopth, as a Healer my rider does not want to say anything to influence her decision to stay or go. She is leaving words to you,:{ Savith told the bronze.

}:I will tell him,:{ Kopth said gravely.

J'nus pressed a kiss to his weyrmate's head. "I... I know you do, love. And... I know..." His throat closed up. Beneath the scent of redwort and sickness he could smell her skin, and her hair brushed his hands like silk. This might be the last time he would hold her like this, and if it was he wasn't sure that he would survive it. He didn't want to say what he needed to say. "If you ask me to, I'll... take you /between/. I will. But I don't want you to go.

"I love you. I know that you can't imagine a world or a life without Riyanth. I can't... I can't imagine what I would do without Kopth. But... I love you, and I want you to stay. I need you to stay with me." His voice broke. "I can't fix this, I can't fix what happened to Riyanth or what _he_ did to you. I don't know why this happened and I don't know what to do. But please stay with me a little longer. I need you."

The ache in her heart was crushing, drowning. But the way J'nus sounded...broken, aching. He was so much more sensitive than his strong exterior. The idea he was so weak that he was begging her... how would she feel if she'd seen him broken, without? "I'd want you to stay with me, too," she said, finally. She knew that much.

But staying forever? Could she do that? She didn't know.

"I can... a little longer. Talk to the other leaders, first. Find out what he did. Why. But...I'm tired."

Riveenata cleared her throat. "I can give you something for pain and sleep, and then people can talk to you after that."

J'nus kissed the top of her head. He had her for a little longer. Just a little while longer. "I will find out why. I promise you I will. You deserve the truth. For Riyanth."

Kapera said nothing, only burrowed her face against him and let herself take comfort from his big strong arms. Until finally, she felt the need for sleep, pulled back, and murmured, "Go speak to the leaders," and sent him away.

Then she took her dose of meds from the sympathetic Healer, nestled her face into the bedding where he'd been, and fell asleep breathing in his familiar, beloved scent, trying to make it enough to be worth staying for.

Last updated on the March 20th 2025

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