Not So Very Different

Writers: Dana, Devin
Date Posted: 1st May 2006

Characters: N'vanik, Traelyn
Description: Traelyn comes to visit N'vanik, and they come to realize that they really aren't so very different
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 11, day 14 of Turn 3

N'vanik

N'vanik filled a glass and took a drink. It was his first of the day, and usually by this time he was well into his second bottle. He'd only been back in the wing for a few days, but already it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off him. Flying in formation again, even with his mistake, felt so good. Since then, he'd spent more time outside of his weyr --
taking his time bathing Loseth, visiting a few of his favorite places in warmer climates.

And yet . . .

As a final blow to a long and miserable month, Trae had come to the Weyr and not even bothered to see him. No, she had gone to U'kaiah. He wouldn't have even known if Loseth hadn't mentioned seeing Nyith arrive. And what bothered him the most . . . was that it bothered him.

"Do you want to share that?"

Even before he turned, he knew it was Traelyn. **Did you finally get tired of U'kaiah?** "Not really, but you can have some. There's clean glasses in the cabinet."

A slender brow rose slightly, and she wondered at the phrasing of his reply. "All right." After walking over and grabbing an extra glass, Traelyn went around to the other side of the sofa and sat, pouring herself a splash of the white.

"So, what brings you here . . . Traelyn." He'd almost said 'Weyrwoman', but he knew that would probably start an argument.

Traelyn. Not Trae. _Traelyn_. The same brow arched again, and she turned her head to look at him. "The hides on my desk decided to spare me a little, so I just thought I'd come by." Then she frowned, the tip of her nail beginning to tap on the stem of the glass. "Is there a problem?"

"No. No problem." N'vanik took a drink. At least, there _shouldn't_ be a problem.

She leaned back into the sofa, her eyes staring straight ahead as she, too, took a drink. It didn't _feel_ like there wasn't a problem. Finally, she murmured, "That didn't sound very convincing."

He shrugged. "I've been cutting down on the drinking. Must be making me cranky."

Flicking him a glance, she took another drink. "You mean crankier?" It was a light tease, a searching probe.

That got a smile out of him. "Yeah, crankier." He decided it was time to change the subject. "So how are things at Dolphin Cove?"

"Mmmm." She lowered her gaze to the glass. "Things have been going well." Refusing to think about the sharding bastard of a brownrider, she moved, curling one knee up, propping her heel on the edge of the cushion. "Ikoladith rose a few days ago. Soon we'll have even more dragons filling our Wings."

He remembered the last few times he'd visited her, before he was grounded, and the mood she'd been in. "And whatever was bothering you before . . .
did that get better?"

A silence fell. Stretched just enough to hint at the internal battle going on inside of her. Then, finally, she murmured, "No." After a moment, Traelyn shrugged a shoulder, trying to shove everything down. "But I'm handling it."

He looked at her for a moment. "I know I'm the _last_ person that should ask you this, but what's going on?"

She shook her head, her eyes still focused on the wineglass.

N'vanik felt a sudden flash of anger. "Oh, but I bet you could tell _U'kaiah_ huh?"

Traelyn's eyes snapped up to his, and she could feel her own anger rising in response to the heat in his voice. "No."

"What else would you visit him for?" He asked, eyes narrowing. "He's the one you talk to, I'm the one you screw. Isn't that how it works?"

Snarling, she shoved herself off of the couch and away from him. She paced until the small table was between them, and her dark eyes were flashing by the time she whirled to face him. "Is this how it's always going to be?" she yelled at him, letting her temper take control and run with her. It was easier that way. "Are you always going to let your _scorching_ jealousies get in-between _everything_?"

"I don't know!" Yelling at her was a strange kind of relief.

"You don't _know_? What do you mean _you don't know_! Every single time U'kaiah's name comes up, you get that sharding look in your eye. And it's only gotten sharding _worse_ since the scorching 'tussle'! He's my friend, N'vanik!"

"I know he's your _friend_! But you couldn't even bother to tell me you were here?" Saying it made him even angrier.

Traelyn ground her teeth. How could she sharding tell him that the thought hadn't even occured to her? Guilt suddenly flooded her, blinding her for a moment, clearing her mind of the seething anger.

She couldn't tell him that.

N'vanik swallowed half his glass in one gulp. "I guess you weren't looking for a shouting match or sex that night. Since that's all I'm good for lately, you just went somewhere else."

The anger was back. "Stop it," she snarled. "You _know_ that's sharding not true. You _know_ that."

Sighing, he leaned back into the couch. "Sometimes, I really, really wish I didn't care."

"About what?" she snapped.

"You!" he snapped back.

Traelyn went very still. "What?" Even to her own ears, her voice seemed faint, far away.

"You heard me," N'vanik mumbled, taking another drink. Saying it was bad enough. Repeating it would be worse.

Another, heavy silence enveloped them. Traelyn stared at him for a long moment before looking down, running a hand through the loose hairs of her braid. "Well," she mumured quietly, "I care about you too." And she'd told him that before. But this was the first time he had ever told her. Of course, it had been implied - by a touch, a glance, and by the fact that they had kept in contact over the months since she became Dolphin Cove's Weyrwoman. But to hear him _say_ it...

N'vanik studied his drink, tilting it slightly from side to side. "Just not enough to talk to me."

Slowly she sank down into one of the chairs across from him, her hands pressed between her knees. "This has nothing to do with you. This... It isn't something I want to talk about, N'vanik."

"I used to think we were so different," he said with a half-smile.

Her lips twitched. "Not so very different."

"Well, at least now you know what I feel like when you try to get me to talk," he teased.

"Mmm." Her dark eyes glinted. "But you know I never force you."

"I'm not forcing you either. Come on." He patted the cushion beside him.
"You're sitting too far away."

As soon as she was seated next to him again, Traelyn brought her knees up, wrapping one arm around them as she settled herself comfortably. Then she tilted her face up to his. "Better?"

N'vanik put an arm around her shoulders. "Better."

Last updated on the May 3rd 2006

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Not So Very Different