Letters of Loss and Renewal

Writers: Miriah, Yvonne
Date Posted: 18th October 2019

Characters: Humari, Taril, Tumaril
Description: Humari finally reads Taril's letters
Location: Elsewhere on Pern
Date: month 13, day 17 of Turn 9

Humari

Humari picked up the new envelope that lay on her table, then sighed and put it back down before getting ready to bathe Tumaril for his own bed. As she tugged off his shirt, his dark eyes followed her face. "Mama? When we go home?"

Pain lanced though her chest. "Don't you like it here?"

Tumaril hesitated, then nodded. "Yeah. But I wan' Papa." His lower lip trembled. "Pease? See Papa?"

Her own lip trembled and she caught her breath. "Soon. I promise." Swallowing hard, she got him dressed and in his bed. When she was certain that he was asleep, Humari picked up the stack of letters and the newest she had recieved, sat down and opened the first. A small pepper came out and she frowned, nudging it aside as she began to read.

~*~

Dear Humari,

The sunrise this morning was incredible. It looked like the sky was on fire. I hope that you saw it. I hope that the waves went red over the Tide Rocks and the cothold showed you its name. I hope that you and Tumaril took a boat out there to pick shellfish off the ropes to the buoys, and that you could show him how to open them and eat them fresh and salty from the sea.

Instead of picking shellfish, this morning I left our home and went to my office, to finish hidework and meet with the Captain of the Eringal. You remember- they were bringing us crates of spicy dried peppers. Try the one that I sent in the envelope cautiously. I felt the heat of it for what seemed like candlemarks. It felt like how'd you kiss me, once.

I hope you and Tumaril are well. I hope that you are enjoying your stay at Red Tide Rocks. I hope that Tumaril learns to love it-- he will inherit the lands some day. I hope that he sees it through your eyes. You're wiser than I am.

All my love,

Taril.

~*~

She eyed the pepper and nudged it farther away. She had seen that sunrise and it had been beautiful. The thought that they'd been watching at the same time warmed her and she was surprised that he'd seen it. He rarely woke so early. Was he sleeping as poorly as she was? Worry knotted her belly even as she opened the next letter.

~*~

Dear Humari,

Today at the market I stopped to watch Belinjor demonstrate his toys. I liked the shipfish so I bought it for Tumaril. I hope that he likes it. Sometimes the shipfish come into the harbor at Red Tide Rocks to play in the shallows. I remember swimming out to meet them, before I couldn't swim anymore. They're impossibly fast in the water. When I was very young I wanted to be a dolphineer but instead I sailed with my father and became the man you know. I'm sorry for that. Maybe I should have been a dolphineer. It wouldn't have helped Red Tide Rocks, but maybe I'd be someone you could love. That would have been a good bargain.

All my love,

Taril.

~*~

A single tear leaked down her cheek. He thought she didn't love him. But that wasn't true. She loved him very much and the thought that he believed that she no longer did...it was painful. Humari wiped her eyes and opened the next.

~*~
Dear Humari,

The apartment is quiet without you and Tumaril here. I get up in the morning, I answer hides, I send messages, I go home to sleep. I don't know why. It seems pointless without you. You should stay at Red Tide Rocks. You will be safer there. The cothold can defend itself-- the sight of my mother on the walls would scare away any pirate worth his salt. Tell her that she should teach you how to stab a man. But selfishly I miss you. I understand why you don't write back but I look for Jib every day. Maybe you'll come back to me; maybe you won't. Either way, I don't deserve you. I'm half a person. The half of me that's still here is not good. You deserve better. But I miss you, my rotten heart loves you, and always will.

Yours,

Taril.
~*~

As she read the letter, tears began to flow down her cheeks in steady rivulets. Faranth, she'd never considered him half a man, nor was he rotten. She knew that despite his claims, he was a good man...

She stopped at the thought. He _was_ a good man and he'd made a mistake. A horrible mistake, but like Atalia had said, sometimes men were misguided. Maybe... she opened the newest letter.

~*~
Dear Humari,

Today a ship from the North came into port. The Redfruit Lady, bearing-- not redfruit, but wines and furniture and fabrics from the north. You would have loved the spectacle. Her sails were bright green and her masthead was half a woman and half a fish. Her face looked a bit like yours when you laugh, or when you beat me at dominos. I bought a hair clip from one of the sailors. I hope you like it. I almost bought a puppet for Tumaril as well but I think he'd break it within moments. Perhaps I should get him a fishing pole instead.

It's been sevendays and I still look for you on the docks. I will wait for you, for as long as you need. Turns. Write to me, anything. Tell me that you are all right. Tell me you hate me. You should. I thought I could protect you and Tumaril and I was wrong. I was selfish to think that I deserved any happiness, but with you I was as happy as I've ever been. More than I thought possible, and more than I realized until I lost you. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I thought if I told you what I did, what I was, you'd leave-- and I couldn't bear that. But now you've left, and nothing I say can change where we are or what happened. And I must bear it.

Be safe. Be happy. Know that whatever you decide, you carry my love with you, always.

Taril.

~*~

She was crying in earnest now, soft sobs that shook her shoulders with each breath. "Jib," she called out and the little bronze immediately woke and flew to her. As he perched on the table, she pulled out a small piece of hide and quickly scrawled a note. Rolling it, she handed it to Jib. "Take this to Taril right away. Taril." The bronze peeped, sent a mental image of Taril in confirmation, and with a blast of chill air, disappeared.

Within a few moments, the bronze appeared in their apartments, note clutched tightly in his claws as he landed on the table. He announced his arrival with a chitter.

Taril jolted awake and stared at the flit. **Jib.** For a moment he thought he was hallucinating, and then it took him another moment to realize that it _was_ Jib. The flit had grown since the last time he'd seen him. And he was holding something in his claws-- from Humari. It had to be from Humari.

Dodger cheeped a greeting as Taril patted down his pockets, eventually finding a scrap of dried fish that he could use to coax the bronze close enough to take his message. His hands shook as he unrolled the scrap of hide.

"I still love you. We're coming home."

Last updated on the October 26th 2019

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Letters of Loss and Renewal