What's Dead May Never Die

Writers: Heather
Date Posted: 27th March 2019

Characters: Zathris
Description: Zathris retreats back to his room with Benani after watching Crolarin die.
Location: Amber Hills Hold
Date: month 10, day 12 of Turn 9
Notes: Mentioned: Karhal, Benani, Barenziah
directly follows "AHH: When Wrong is Right"

Zathris

Once Karhal had left to discretely dispose of Crolarin's body, Zathris fled back to this quarters, even though the threat was gone. He needed to lay eyes on Benani, to touch her and reaffirm that she was still there. It was irrational, the panicky feeling in the pit of his stomach, but seeing Crolarin again had brought back the long days of agony that he'd lived through while Benani had been gone. It reminded him of how powerless he'd been, and it also reminded him of the mistakes he'd made with Barenziah, mistakes that he still had to push away from his memory from time to time.

Alik's eyebrows twitched as the door opened and Zathris entered. The canine's ears were alert, eyes bright, a menacing growl resonating deep in his throat. "It's me," Zathris murmured, causing the canine to immediately drop his ears and lay his muzzle between his paws. The Lord Holder picked a treat from the jar by his bedside table and offered it to the canine. Alik's eyes looked to Zathris' face for permission before he gently took the treat away and devoured it, his long tongue licking up any crumbs that dropped onto the bedspread.

"Good boy," Zathris murmured, scratching behind the hound's ebony ears.

Moving around to Benani's side of the bed, Zathris battled for control of his emotions as he looked down at her sleeping form. Should he tell her what had transpired? Assure her that she never had to look over her shoulder again? If he did, he would risk bringing up all of the emotions she had felt when Crolarin had kidnapped her. Or did he say nothing, as Karhal had said he would do with Loella? Should he shield Benani from the knowledge that the man had been close to her once again?

Zathris thought of their last argument. They didn't have many so it was easy to recall. When he'd found out that she'd known about Benamil and Arion and had helped keep it a secret. He'd been furious that she had not trusted him enough to tell him about the illicit relationship. Now wouldn't he be a hypocrite if he kept Crolarin's death from her?

Light from the circular window high above their bed let in a shaft of moonlight that made it easy to study his wife's peaceful, sleeping features. He studied the curve of her nose, the set of her eyebrows that could be tranquil one moment, and furrowed with annoyance the next. Secretly, if he were admitting things to himself, he liked it a little when they argued. He liked the fiery, wild, stubborn side of Benani that he had first experienced the day they'd met.

**Quit being a fool and go to bed,** he told himself. The danger had passed. There was no reason to fret and worry any longer. Moving around the room to his side of the bed, Zathris stripped out of his clothing, tossing them on the chair that he sometimes used when he was removing his boots.

Nudging his shoes aside with his feet, Zathris slipped in between the thick quilt and sheets beside of his wife. Rolling to his side, he curled his arm around her familiar figure and pulled her into the cradle of his arms. His eyes closed as he buried his nose into her hair and inhaled deeply. There was the familiar scent of the shampoo, but then there was the scent that belonged only to Benani.

**She's safe. It's done.** He thought as the adrenaline began to fade from his veins. In Zathris' mind there was nothing to agonize over when it came to ending Crolarin's life. It was a black and white case in his book, with no margin for gray. The things that Crolarin had done to Benani were unspeakable, and if he had the decision to make again, Zathris would choose justice each time.

As his eyes closed the monster's words echoed in his mind. **"I touched her
everywhere, had my mouth all over her. I fecked her again and again
and she moaned for more.... And I put a child inside of her. Kill me if you want to, but she'll always think of me inside her when you go to her bed."**

Bile rose in the back of his mouth. Was there any truth behind the words? **Don't do this, Zathris,** he told himself, tightening his hold around Benani as he clenched his eyes shut. If he allowed those words to become seeded in his brain, they would fester, and sprout doubts, doubts that he didn't need. The face of his youngest daughter, Nimilee, flashed before him. Was it true? Was there a possibility that Crolarin had fathered her?

**You're letting him win,** Zathris told his errant thoughts. Even from the grave Crolarin still had power over him. Sleep was far from him now, as his mind raced with the implications of Crolarin's words.

Pressing a kiss into her hair, Zathris gentle loosened his hold on Benani and then slipped from the bed again. He had to get up and do something, otherwise, his mind would continue to dredge up sour memories and outlandish possibilities.

Putting his clothes back on, for the second time that night, Zathris left Alik with Benani and departed for his office. He would look at ledgers all night if he had to, anything to keep his mind busy.

Last updated on the April 4th 2019

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What's Dead May Never Die