Not A Good Idea

Writers: Eimi, Paula
Date Posted: 3rd August 2018

Characters: Aileyan, J'nev, U'kaiah
Description: Aileyan decides to move on in the healthiest way possible (yeah, right...)
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 2, day 25 of Turn 9
Notes: Mentions: Tavia, Kaiafel
Notes: Refers to events in the post DFW: Graduation Day (6): You
Didn't Have to Do That (m1d14) and flashes back to the events
following the storyline DFW: A Full Day (m2d17)

Aileyan stood behind J'nev's door, chewing her lips, frozen with indecision.
What was she doing? Was this righ? - Those were the guestions she kept
asking from herself. In some deep level she felt that this was _not_
right. It was
unhealthy. She had no real feelings towards J'nev. She knew he was
attracted to her and he was ...convinient...when she was feeling
lonely. She could still develope feelings for him, or so she tried to
tell herself and drown that nagging voice that said: you belong to
U'kaiah and no one else. If she only gave those feelings a chance, him a chance.

Still, she hesitated and couldn't make herself knock.

Kjarliheth got tired of it and she didn't share her riders
trepidations. Besides, _she_ liked Ankioth and his rider.

So, she reached out to Ankioth. }: My rider is standing behind your's
door, not being able to make up her mind to knock, :{ she told the
bronze.

J'nev had been lounging on his sofa lazily looking over the new flight
formation he had been given to study when his bronze passed along the
information to him. **Aileyan?** he though, sitting bolt upright.
She had been blowing him off for sevendays. What was she doing
standing outside his door _now_?

}:Do you want me to tell Kjarliheth that she should come in?:{ The
bronze asked helpfully.

**No! No. Tell her I'm not here.** After the way she had been
treating him, she didn't deserve his acknowledgement, as much as he
was curious as to why she was there.

}:But,:{ Ankioth protested, }:You _are_ here.:{

**Yes, but don't tell her that. Maybe she'll go away.**

}:You don't want her to go away,:{ his bronze pointed out.

**Yes I do! I don't want anything to do with her! Not any more,**
J'nev pouted, leaning back against the cushions.

His lifemate was not buying it. }: You think about her a lot. You
always want to see her. I know that.:{

J'nev crossed his arms over his chest petulantly. There were
drawbacks to having a dragon for sure! **She hurt me, Ankioth. She
used me. She's trouble.**

}:_Not_ seeing her hurts you to.:{ The bronze had enough. He bespoke
Kjarliheth and made sure J'nev could hear him too. }:Mine will open
the door in just a moment.:{

**Traitor,** J'nev groaned as he got up from the sofa. It stung that
Ankioth went behind his back, but, as usual, he knew his lifemate was
right. Steeling himself for a fight, J'nev opened the door.
"Aileyan. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"J'nev!" she was nearly startled out of her skin. And she was loss for
words. She gave him a shaky smile before coming up with an opener.
"I came to apologize. I know I've been treating you horrible lately."

"You haven't treated me horribly. How could you when I haven't even
seen you?" he asked, his arms crossing once more over his chest,
though this time it was a gesture of self preservation.

"I hurt you," she said. "And giving someone a cold shoulder is
horrible treatment," she continued. "I never truly give you a chance,
do I? "

It was like she had read his thoughts. **Did you tell her?** J'nev
asked his lifemate accusingly.

}:No. I do not share your secret thoughts. Those are only for me to
know,:{ the bronze assured him.

J'nev was satisfied, if not surprised, that she seemed to come to this
conclusion on her own, but he certainly wasn't going to let her off
that easily. "I have done nothing to deserve that, Aileyan. When you
needed me, I was there, and you used me."

"I'm sorry. You're right, you don't deserve that," Aileyan said with a
sinking feeling. Was she doing it again?

~~FLASHBACK~~

After hugging Kaiafel and Ravyan, and whispering an unheard goodbye to
Kaiavin as he slept in his mother's arms, U'kaiah reluctantly left the
happy scene at the party to make his way to where Kalamath waited for
him. As he walked down the hall, he could still feel the tingling of
his lips from Tavia's farewell kiss, and it brought back memories of
their all to brief tumble in the furs. **And she still has my
jacket...** And he had Tavia's promise to return it to him. His lips
curled into a grin as his fingers traced the familiar stone walls as
he walked.

Aileyan had seen him leave and now she watched from the shadows.
Didn't he had a jacket before? The ugly monster of jelousy was rearing
it's head again. She tried to squish it down. She liked Tavia,
shardit.

U'kaiah was reflecting on how hard it was to leave. Kaiafel looked so
happy, and so grown up. He was still a boy, but his father could
start to see the potential for the man he would soon be. **And he
will be on the Sands soon...** That thought both filled him with
pride and terrified him. He had seen too many riders die to assume
that he son would never be one of them.

"U'kaiah," Aileyan stepped out of the shadows. "I hope you enjoyed the
party," she said with frosty voice.

The bronzerider jumped at her sudden appearance. He had noticed her
at the party but, as usual, she seemed to not want anything to do with
him and so he had given her space. Now though, so see her in front of
him and actually talking, his initial reaction was one of surprised
hope. The look on her face as the ice in her voice quickly squashed
it. "I did," he nodded, feeling suddenly on his guard.

"i hope she did too," Aileyan's voice took a even more frosty tone if possible.

Well, obviously what he and Tavia had done was no secret. He did find
it interesting that she suddenly cared. "What is bothering you, Aileyan?"

What was bothering her was, that he was seeing Tavia and not her, while
she was the one who was pushing him away. She couldn't just say that.
In fact, she couldn't find any words to speak. So, she just stared, a
mute appeal in her eyes.

Oh shards, those eyes... U'kaiah could see the need and longing in
them, and it elicited an immediate and conditioned response in him.
He had fallen in love with those eyes. One moment they could cut
through him, they could make him feel lower than a tunnelsnake, they
could break his heart, and yet those very same eyes could draw him
into her and make him helpless and yet strong. **Those sharding
eyes...** he thought as he leaned his hand against the stone wall and
reached out to tug the bottom hem of her tunic to invite her closer.

Her body betrayed her, going eagerly for his touch. Her need for him
was greater than the feelings of hurt and anger. She yearned for his
touch, his love.

Still holding onto the fabric, he leaned down until he could feel her
breath on his lips. He needed her, too. U'kaiah had missed her every
day and had been longing to find a way to bridge the gap. His eyes
fluttered closed as he pressed his mouth gently against hers, but in
that moment his breath stopped. He was almost afraid that a puff of
wind might make her disappear like a wisp of smoke. Like a dream.

Aileyan pressed her lips little tighter against his. She had nearly
forgotten how good it felt.

U'kaiah's fingers slipped into her hair like they had a hundred times
before, pulling her closer as he deepened the kiss. Her kiss was full
of beautiful memories he had tried so hard to hold on to, but suddenly
one was coming to the fore that he wanted to forget. His eyes opened
as he could hear her voice in his head. **I'm done waiting for you,**
she had said, her lips still swollen from J'nev's kiss, her face still
flushed from their lovemaking. **I've moved on.** The words in his
mind almost felt like a slap to the face as he suddenly pulled back.

She sensed the shift in mood and pulled back too. For a moment, she
didn't knew where she was and when.

He didn't pull away any further than that, but did ask softly, "What
about J'nev?"

"Who?"

U'kaiah's eyebrows lifted slightly in surprise. "The young
bronzerider you pulled into a closet to have sex with just to see the
look on my face. The one that you said you had moved on to be with."

Well, that brought her back to the reality and she was angry now.
Mostly to herself.

"I hate you," she said and stormed off.

U'kaiah resisted the urge to follow her. He didn't believe for a
moment that she hated him. She was angry at him, she was hurt by him,
but she had not kissed him like she felt nothing for him. She would
not have cared about Tavia if she were truly happy without him. He
wanted to stop her and remind her of that fact. With his long legs it
would have only taken a step or two. But he didn't. Even if she
could admit her feelings, what would it change? J'nev was there, and
U'kaiah was not. Sooner or later, they would be in the same spot all
over again. **I wish I knew how to let you go...** he thought as his
eyes followed her down the hall. They would both be happier if he
could.

~*~ end of flashback ~*~

And he had not even followed her or tried to stop her leaving. Did he
not care enough? It had left Aileyan even more angry, miserable and
lonely. Ergo, she found herself behind J'nev door, begging for another
chance.

"Don't I deserve a chance to give you a chance?"

J'nev looked at her suspiciously. "Another chance for _what_ exactly?"

"For us. To find out if there's more to us than occasionally sleeping
together. Perhaps we should give it a serious try. Diners, dates,
things like that," Aileyan said, her tone earnest.

J'nev crossed his arms over his chest as he thought about it. It was,
after all, what he had been hoping for after their revenge on U'kaiah.
And then she had ruined it by suddenly deciding to avoid him and treat
him like garbage. "So are you saying that you might have some kind of
feelings for me? Or is this just another game?"

Aileyan honestly didn't know what to answer without telling an outright lie.
"I don't know," there was frustration beneath her tone.

His eyes narrowed slightly. "You don't know if you have feelings for
me, or you don't know if you're just playing with me?"

"Both?" Aileyan's tone was hesitant. At least it was honest.

The bronzerider frowned. At least there was truth in her words. But
it certainly didn't bode well. She definitely needed to sell him a
little better on the idea. "Then why should I?"

"Do you have anybody else?" AIleyan asked. "Look, I totally understand
if you don't want to have anything to do with me. Say a word and I'll stop
bothering you," she turned to leave.

Well, J'nev was definitely not going to take that! "You're sharding
mad at me?" he asked as he followed her step for step. "You come to
me, asking me to trust you with my heart and my feelings after the way
you've treated me, you admitted that it's not because you have
feelings for me and may even just be playing with me, and yet you're
pissed at me for not jumping at the chance? Can you give me one good
reason, just one, why this is a good idea?"

"No, I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at myself for not being able to get
over _him_," Aileyan twirled around to face him. At least J'nev was
following her. "I don't think this is a good idea," she murmured and
then she stood up to her tip-toes to kiss him.

There was no doubt in J'nev's mind just who "he" was. **U'kaiah...**
his mind growled as their lips touched. She needed him to heal her
from the damage that sharding wherry's ass had caused. He was the one
she turned to to break U'kaiah's hold on her heart. Well, that was
one challenge J'nev not only appreciated, but enthusiastically
accepted as his arms wrapped around her to pull her in possessively.

She leaned against him and sighed. At least she knew what made him tick.

Last updated on the August 21st 2018

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Not A Good Idea