Telling a Story (2/3)

Writers: Avery
Date Posted: 19th November 2017

Characters: Kapera, Riveenata
Description: Kapera tells Riveenata about her past
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 2, day 13 of Turn 9

Kapera

"What did the mindhealer say?" she settled on asking. Hopefully that
would answer some of her curiosity about why Kapera had had to step down
as well.

"I got sick with a cold that turned into a fever that turned into an
extended lung infection. Dragonsfall winter was aggravating it, so I was
sent back to a tropical Weyr to recover and another, older goldrider was
transferred in to take it over," Kapera summerized. She had practice
keeping her tone flat and neutral when she said it, even though what had
happened still bothered her.

"The mindhealer had a lot to talk to me about regarding my feelings
about power, stepping down from it, and how fit to do any work I felt.
And I couldn't stand the first one," Kapera said. "I thought he was an
arrogant ass who had a lot of opinions on how I was supposed to be
behaving now that I was back under the authority of a Weyrwoman I never
liked after having briefly had power of my own."

"What happened with him?" Riveenata asked.

"After two months of yelling at each other, I went to the Weyrhealer and
said I wouldn't go to any more appointments unless she gave me someone
else. She did, I got along with that man, and then it was a Turn's worth
of regular appointments for me. I did have a lot to work through, but I
couldn't have done it without working with someone compatible. So I'm
glad Olwinna is working out for you."

"Do you still see one?" Riveenata asked. Normally she would have
considered that too personal to ask, but she figured if Kapera had
gotten this personal with her – and she still didn't quite understand
_why _ - she wasn't going to mind another question.

"I do, sometimes, when I feel like I need it. He actually transferred
here when I did," the goldrider said. "It isn't a shame to need one. I
rather thought we'd told all of the River Bluff riders to speak to one
when they got here."

"You did, Weyrwoman," the greenrider acknowledged, looking down at the
table again.

"Did you not go, or just not discuss your issues with anyone?" Kapera asked.

There wasn't as much condemnation in her tone as might have been
expected, given how harshly she'd come down on Riveenata right after the
Threadfall accident. Kapera knew what it was like to be ordered to see a
mindhealer, but to feel like you didn't actually need to see one. She
understood it wasn't a good feeling to be treated like you were broken.

But the greenrider had also been a Healer, and she should have known why
all of the River Bluff riders were sent to the mindhealers, and she
should have done her best to participate in the services they were
offeirng to help the refugees resettle into life at the weyr.

"I went for a single appointment," Riveenata said, because she hadn't
dared to defy the orders of her new Weyrleaders by not going at all, and
she didn't want Kapera thinking that that's what had happened.

"But I told them I didn't have any concerns. I mean, no one in my family
had died, I wasn't mourning a weyrmate or anything, so it didn't seem
like I needed to have more appointments."

"You didn't think you were in grief over it?"

"I knew I was in pain, but I figured it was a normal level of grief to
have after you lose your home. Why should they have wasted time on me
when other people were hurting more and needed those time slots?" the
greenrider asked with a shrug.

"So you were thinking about not taking away resources from others and
treating that as more important than what you needed." Kapera thought it
was an admirable reason for the greenrider to have been thinking of, but
it had also been short-sighted.

"Well, I didn't want to take away from others, and I thought that I
didn't really need very much because it hadn't been that bad for me,"
Riveenata said. "Olwinna is helping me to realize that I was wrong to
think that. Just because others hurt more, didn't mean I wasn't hurting.
And obviously, I didn't have the tools to just work through it on my own."

The greenrider bit her lip, and added, "And I'm _ allowed _ to be
hurting because I lost something. I don't have to just say that I'm not
hurt because I think I shouldn't be hurt, because others have it worse
and therefore I should be quiet. That was the hardest thing to learn."

"You're one who always seems to put others before herself."

"I'm a dragonrider, and a Healer. Isn't that what we do?" Riveenata asked.

"We have to acknowledge that being a dragonrider means risking our lives
for the sake of Pern. So in a broad sense, yes, we put the lives of
others before our own," Kapera said. It was part of the duty knowledge
drilled into all of them, even though as a queenrider, she was put in
the least amount of danger of any rider.

"But on a personal level, you should put your own wellbeing and that of
Savith before others. We need you both in good shape to fly Thread. Not
just physically, and mentally. If you had realized you were struggling
earlier, you should have stuck with those appointments to help yourself
work through it. Even if you thought others felt worse than you because
they lost more," Kapera told her.

"You wouldn't be taking valuable resources away if you were going to
keep yourself healthy, because those resources exist to keep you and
Savith in fighting fitness so you can do your duty. Will you remember
that next time?"

"Yes, Weyrwoman," Riveenata said meekly.

When Kapera put it like that, it made sense. At least, on a logical
level, one of facts. Emotionally, she hadn't felt the truth of that.
She'd thought she was doing well enough to plod along. But emotionally,
she had been all kinds of dysfunctional lately. If she'd had a better
handle on them she would have noticed her problems with attention, and
would possibly have been able to catch herself before it got bad enough
that someone else got injured.

Kapera watched and hoped her words were getting through. She knew that
she was selfish and put herself first, so the greenrider's compassion
and thoughts of others first was alien to the way she behaved. There was
much admirable in it, but it had also caused her pain, and lead to
self-doubt, and damaged her potential.

Even though they were so different, something about the younger woman
reminded her of herself. She'd seen potential in the greenrider when
she'd joined the wing. Maybe it was the girl's quick mind and in the
hints of ambition she saw sometimes. Riveenata had been keeping her head
down and was humble when spoken to. But she had the markings of someone
who would be a solid part of the wing and had the potential for
leadership, both marked in her transfer records and from how she acted.
That was why Kapera had been so frustrated as it declined during month
1, and then at that final mistake.

And because she felt a kinship with her, Kapera decided to answer the
question she suspected the greenrider was thinking, even if she wasn't
planning on bringing it up. To give a little more honesty than she was
used to giving.

Last updated on the December 10th 2017

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