Whispered Truths (PG-17)
Dragonsfall Weyr
Amber Hills Hold
Vintner Hall
Healer Hall
Hidden Meadows
Dolphin Cove Weyr
Dolphin Hall
Emerald Falls Hold
Harper Hall
Printer Hall
Green Valley Hold
Leeward Lagoon Hold
Barrier Lake Weyr
Sunstone Seahold
Citrus Bay Hold
Writers: Heather, Avery
Date Posted: 31st October 2017
Characters: Ranni, Zelah
Description: Xeladrie admits to Ranni why her pregnancy has left her despondent.
Location: Elsewhere on Pern
Date: month 13, day 4 of Turn 8
Notes: Mentioned: Bryvin
Notes: calling this PG-13. references to depression, suicide
Rating: PG-17
"I'm worried... have you seen her....so pregnant.... not careful she'll end up just like her sister...."
Ranni could just barely catch whispers, here and there, but all of them seemed to be about her Lady. The drudge had noticed that ever since they'd come to Turquoise Bay her mistress seemed to be in a different sort of mood. Despondent and withdrawn.
What did those whisperers mean about the Lady's sister?
"I am back, milady," Ranni said, carrying a tray of fresh fruit. She'd gone from just attending Xeladrie's hair, to basically caring for her every need while they were at Turquoise Bay.
Xeladrie had been born and raised at Turquoise Bay, and she knew the buildings and the land well enough she thought she could navigate it blindfolded. Though she'd come to learn her way around Sunstone Seahold in the two Turns she'd been living there, it wasn't a place she knew or loved in the same way. So when she'd first returned home to Turquoise Bay after Sunstone was affected by the tsunami and earthquake, she'd been glad to be back.
By the end of the first sevenday, she was miserable. She'd realized the problem with coming home again was that it hurt when she realized it _wasn't_ home. The two Turns away had changed the Hold just enough to seem unfamiliar to her now. Or maybe it was she that had changed - maybe Sunstone and Bryvin had changed her. Either way, Turquoise Bay didn't feel like home anymore, and being in a familiar place that felt no longer welcoming was verry jarring.
So like her sister before her, she'd stopped wandering the halls and remained in her room, counting the days until she could deliver this wretched babe. Maybe that would lift her mood.
She lifted her head when Ranni came in. "What did you bring?" she asked, but there was no real interest in her tone.
"Fresh fruit, milady. They will help you feel refreshed." Ranni said, bringing the tray over for her Lady's inspection.
There was one of the citrons she really liked, and she perked up slightly as she picked one up. "Thank you, Ranni. Did one of the cooks mentioned I liked these?"
"Yes, and...." Ranni, usually so blunt, hesitated, "they mentioned your sister, too."
Xeladrie realized she should not have been surprised. Since daughters were usually married out to men elsewhere, the Hold staff wasn't used to pregnant daughters of Xelfin wandering around. The last one would have been Elarie, and of course they all knew how it turned out.
"Elarie was my older sister. I suggest you don't ask about her anywhere where there's a non-servant around. You see, my father often claims he never _had_ an Elarie," she said.
"I never talk to anyone, but you." Ranni replied. She did a lot of listening, it was usually the best tool for a drudge. "What happened to her?"
She began to peel the fruit so she could focus on the motion of her hands as she talked. "When I was a younger girl, Elarie was fostered elsewhere. She met a man there and fell in love with him. Sent our father letters, saying she wanted to marry him. But my father didn't think he was appropriate for her, so he sent one of his understewards to recall her."
Should she tell Ranni who the man was? Xeladrie decided she'd hold that piece of news to herself for right now. She'd see how Ranni responded to the overall story first.
"Elarie hadn't just been stealing kisses from the man. She began to show her pregnancy within two months of coming back. Father was _furious_. He confined her to these rooms," she said, referring to the complex of rooms for all the Lord's relatives on the Hold's third floor that they were living in right now.
"Elarie became more and more withdrawn. She wouldn't eat, wouldn't leave her rooms. Father said he'd send the babe away as soon as it was born. He wouldn't keep a bastard in the Hold. And then..." Her hands tightened around the citron, piercing the flesh and causing some juice to leak out.
"In her last month of pregnancy, she threw herself off a balcony to the rocks below."
Ranni's eyes widened, there weren't many things that surprised her, she'd seen and heard a lot as a part of the help in the bowels of the Hold, but the daughter of a Lord killing herself, and so gruesomely....
"I'm sorry, milady," she ducked away some, "that must have been hard on you." And what a shame for the sister, who'd thought she'd had no hope and had been so sad as to take her life and that of the child.
"I loved Elarie. She was the nicest to me of all my family and I thought the moons rose and changed because of her. I was eight when she left, and eleven when she came back," Xeladrie said.
"And now I'm here, pregnant, and it must be on everyone's minds. At least I'm married."
Yes, and to the man who'd been personally responsible for destroying Elarie's reputation. How cruel.
Ranni sank down onto her knees near Xeladrie so that she could look up at her mistress, "You wouldn't... Think of hurting yourself, would you, milady?" It was probably impertinent of her to ask, but she'd seen how melancholy the Sunstone Lady had been as of late.
It was a _very_ personal question for Ranni to ask. Xeladrie was a bit offended. But she also knew that Ranni wasn't asking to offend her. Her husband might ask it to control her. Her father might want to know if he was going to be embarrassed again. But Ranni seemed to _care_.
"I want to not be pregnant anymore. I want to not be forced to have more children after this. And to have a son, so he won't grow up to be sold off like I was. Like Elarie would have been if she'd lived."
If she had a girl...
Ranni wavered before saying, "There are ways, things women do, that keeps them from having children ever again." She'd seen these things among drudges, drudges who didn't wish to raise a bastard child that had been sewn into their wombs without their consent. The methods were uncouth and sometimes left the women deathly ill, or worse, and Ranni did not wish to see her Lady go through such a hardship.
"The things the weyr woman use?" Xeladrie asked.
"Not quite, milady. More crude than teas." Ranni replied.
"I'd take it," Xeladrie said swiftly. Bryvin would be likely be upset if she didn't catch again, but she could live with that. Especially if they could make it seem natural like it was the result of a bad childhood...
Ranni was silent. She was worried about her Lady, but desired to please her by carrying out her wishing as well. "We can talk about it more after the baby is born?"
"Sure," Xeladrie said. It felt...strange, to have been so honest with Ranni, but also very freeing. She'd been carrying the pain of Elarie's death silently for so many Turns now. Now someone else knew.
Last updated on the November 2nd 2017