What Do I Do?

Writers: Miriah, Suzee
Date Posted: 14th August 2017

Characters: Lanniya, Pierka
Description: Lanniya desperately needs some advice.
Location: Dolphin Cove Weyr
Date: month 13, day 2 of Turn 8
Notes: Mentioned: F'lin, K'ale, Z'ku

Lanniya

Pierka

"Pierka! Pierka!" Lanniya hurried into her sister's weyr, nearly in
tears and twisting K'ales ring almost violently around her finger. How
could she have done that? She still tasted him on her mouth and her
body, Faranth, her body was still on the utter edge. K'ale was going
to be so _mad_ at her..."Pierka?"

"I'm right here," Pierka called from where she sat at her table
mending a worn buckle on Liddith's straps. Z'ku was out at the moment
and she was all alone.

Lanniya hurried over, her lower lip sucked into her mouth as she tried
desperately not to dissolve into tears. She was trying more and more
not to resort to those tears, but it was difficult, especially now.
"I've done something horrible. _I'm_ horrible." She twisted at K'ale's
ring and her lip trembled, but she sucked up the oncoming tears again.
"He's going to be so mad at me..."

Pierka took in the twisting ring and the panic in her voice but
remained calm. "I'm sure whatever you've done he'll understand. What
did you do that was so awful?"

Lanniya plopped disconsolately in the chair across from her sister and
held her head in her hands. "F'lin and I were arguing and then he got
sad and I hugged him. He was my friend at River Bluff. One of my best
friends, but we had a falling out because...well...we kinda argued
before I came here. But I was trying to make him feel better because
he was upset about something that happened in a meeting today and he
kissed me." She covered her eyes, not wanting to look at Pierka. "I
mean, he really _really_ kissed me like K'ale does. And...and I kissed
him back! And then...I could feel him get...you know..and it felt good
and then he asked me to come to his weyr tonight and I said yes, but
then I said no."

Lanniya swallowed hard. "But I wanted to, Pierka! I wanted him like I
want K'ale. And...I love K'ale, but I wanted to go to F'lin! My body
it..." She shifted and then lowered her hands to hug herself as she
flushed red. "Only K'ale's made me feel like that outside of Flights."

"Okay," she said in a calm voice. "Is he the only one you've been with
outside of flights?"

Glumly nodding, Lanniya stared at the table. "Yeah. The only one. He's
gonna be so upset at me. I feel awful. I shouldn't have kissed him
back...."

"You know I felt the same way with my first. I loved him and I didn't
think I'd ever love anyone else." She reached forward to touch her
sisters hands. "I really don't think K'ale has ever thought you would
be exclusive. We're dragonriders Lanniya. He's a brownrider so he wins
flights all the time. Do you love him?"

"Of course I do." She finally looked up at Pierka, her brow furrowed
in confusion. "But those are flights. They're different, are they? I
thought that if you loved someone you only wanted _them_." She rubbed
at her face. "I didn't think I would want that with someone else, that
someone else could make me feel that way..."

"Of course they're different," she smiled. "Just like there is a
difference between sleeping with someone, and sleeping with someone
you love." She shook her head. She took a deep breath realizing that
their mother wasn't here to help nor would she understand how things
were in the Weyr. Personally, she didn't like the idea of the
bronzerider putting the moves on her sister but that was Lanniya's
choice.

"When you sleep with someone you love, you give them your heart and
your body. Those feelings are better than anything you feel with
someone else. But just having sex works with any man. Your body knows
how to feel good when they do their thing." She smiled. "But, if you
don't want to, then don't. It changes you inside when you do. You
know how some woman will go with anyone? Well they wouldn't if it
didn't feel good right? You have to decide what's right for you."

"But I wanted to. " Lanniya's voice dropped to a whisper. "I really
wanted to. And I like F'lin. He was my first ever kiss. " Granted it
had just been a peck, but still. Her voice was soft and a little
pained. "Does me wanting him like that mean I don't really love
K'ale?"

"So he's a nice guy and you like him as a friend. You kissed him once.
But do you love him?"

"Not like I love K'ale. K'ale makes me happy and he relaxes me and he
makes me calm."

"But he made your body feel good. Guys know how to do that." She
smiled and shook her head. "I think you need to make a decision about
what you want in your life. But you can't really decide until you
know. Do you want to risk with you have with K'ale just because F'lin
felt good?"

"I need to tell K'ale what happened," Lanniya whispered. "I'm not
going to hide it. That would be worse." She looked up at her sister.
"Did you ever just sleep with someone because you knew it would feel
good?"

"Yes," she said honestly. "But even though it felt good and my body
liked it, my mind didn't like me much afterwards. I love Z'ku and even
though we both have flights and haven't made any promises about
exclusivity, I just enjoy it better with him. Does that make sense?"

"I really don't know the difference," She admitted. She shifted in her
seat a little and peeked at Pierka through her fingers just a bit.
"Does being curious make me a bad person?"

Pierka couldn't help a little chuckle. "No, curiosity is natural. Just
remember, there is a price for your freedom and sometimes its just a
little hard to pay." Her thoughts turned momentarily toward T'nom and
how their lives had changed over the turns. She hardly remembered the
persona she'd been back then.

"So what do I do about F'lin?" She chewed on her bottom lip again. "I
don't know how I can look at him again. He was all...." Lanniya
flushed. "..he was really really interested if you know what I mean.
And I felt it."

"What do you want to do?" Pierka knew she wasn't making it easy on her
sister but she'd have to learn about the pitfalls of men who would
desire her for one thing only.

Lanniya groaned and laid her head on the table, thumping it lightly
again and again.

Pierka chuckled. "Look, your body and your head are at war right now.
You can either follow your body or your head but you can't have both.
Which do you want more?"

Keeping her head on the table, Lanniya huffed. "Right now my body. I'm
so...edgy." She grumbled as she shifted on the chair. "I love K'ale. I
really do. But I still care about F'lin. He's my friend." She lifted
her head and rubbed at her face. "This just isn't fair."

"Well," said Pierka ruthlessly. "Sounds like you've made up your mind.
Go sleep with F'lin and then deal with the fallout when you next talk
to K'ale. But you should probably leave the ring here." There was no
sympathy in her voice. "Life isn't fair, Lanniya, it's choices."

Her jaw dropped at the tone and she stared at Pierka in shock. "I
didn't say that's what I wanted to do!" She pulled the hand that was
wearing her ring to her chest protectively.

Pierka dropped the harness as a cry came from the next room. "Be right
back," she said. She was back a moment later with Kazom. "You know
Z'ku isn't Kazom's father right?"

A little hurt by Pierka's previous tone, Lanniya stared at her sister
with a little resentment. "Yeah, you told me."

"Be careful, you do make choices but the teas don't always work. Kazom
was the payment for my choices Lanniya." Tears filled her eyes. "I
didn't have anyone here to talk to. No one on my side until Z'ku." She
dashed a tear away and looked at Lanniya seriously. "I wanted him, he
wanted me but he was in love with another woman, so he left me."

"But..." Lanniya swallowed. "...you and Z'ku...you're perfect for each
other and...you love Kazom and..." Her voice trailed off at the tears
she saw glimmering. "I'm sorry, " The last she said as a whisper.

"Yeah," Pierka waved off the apology. "Honey, you love K'ale right?
So, talk to him first. Honestly, it's not fair to F'lin to give him
the idea you could be his if you really can't."

She nodded and chewed on her lower lip. "Okay. I should do that. Thanks."

Last updated on the September 2nd 2017

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