Relieving News
Dragonsfall Weyr
Amber Hills Hold
Vintner Hall
Healer Hall
Hidden Meadows
Dolphin Cove Weyr
Dolphin Hall
Emerald Falls Hold
Harper Hall
Printer Hall
Green Valley Hold
Leeward Lagoon Hold
Barrier Lake Weyr
Sunstone Seahold
Citrus Bay Hold
Writers: Heather
Date Posted: 31st August 2016
Characters: Benamil
Description: Benamil decides it is time to do something about his "feelings" for Arion.
Location: Amber Hills Hold
Date: month 7, day 2 of Turn 8
Benamil felt as if he were living someone else's life as he went through the routines that had once been a part of his "normal" life. He rose every day, ate breakfast with some of his brothers as he always had, then retreated to the stables to work, and then returned in the evenings to clean up and have evening meal.
But everything felt as if he were just going through the motions. He felt empty. His mind could not stop circling the question of his sexuality and what he should do about it. That one, brief encounter with Saedriel had been enough to confirm his worst fears, that there was in fact something wrong with him, that he did, for whatever reasons, have feelings for another _man_.
**No wonder none of those blind dates ever worked out. Those women weren't the problem, I was. I'm not... normal.** Even though he'd come to that conclusion, he hadn't yet figured out what he could do to make his life feel normal again. If he told Arion about his desires and Arion felt the same... Then what? They'd never be able to have a public relationship. And then of course, if Arion reacted as Benamil suspected, horrified, then what? Would Arion tell others and expose his ugly secret?
Neither scenario returned Benamil to a life of normalcy.
"Your secret is safe with me. For now." Saedriel had said to him before she left him dumbfounded. What if she told other people? What would really keep her from gossiping? If Arion heard through the grapevine first.... Well, Benamil figured if he _was_ going to find out, it would be best coming from him rather than some Tavern lurker.
Finally deciding that he needed to talk to Arion face-to-face and get this worked out, before he drove himself crazy, Benamil saddled his runner and made the short tip to the Vintner Hall. Vtols danced like mad in his stomach as the building loomed closer, bringing him to inevitable doom, he was certain.
Slipping down from his runner's back, Benamil looped the reigns through the hitching post in the front and then ducked inside the main building. He'd been to Arion's quarters before, they'd been friends their whole lives after all, so the path he traced through the corridors was a familiar one, but it brought him little comfort today.
He braced himself, inhaling deeply as he came to a stop outside of the journeyman vintner's door, and then, before he could lose his nerve, he knocked thrice upon the polished wooden portal.
Silence.
Benamil's heart pounded a loud rhythm in his ears, making it difficult for him as he strained to hear movement on the other side.
"Hey," the voice made him jump.
"Oh," it was the door next to Arion's, a man's unruly red mop was stuck out of it and he was smiling at Benamil, "if you're here to see Arion he's gone on short trip to deliver some cases of wine. Won't be back till next sevenday at least."
Relief coursed through Benamil's body and he nearly sank against the wall, but managed to recover himself enough to nod at the crafter, "Thank you, I'll just come back then." Arion was gone on a trip? That was news to Benamil, normally he told him if he was going to be gone so he wouldn't expect him on dragonpoker night.
"Not a problem," the friendly redhead said before disappearing back into his own quarters.
**You are such a coward.** He told himself as he left the Vintner Hall.
**Hey, I tried to tell him, it's not my fault he wasn't there.** Benamil reasoned with the voice in his head. He would go about his normal life, as best he could, and then when Arion returned he would have the most important conversation of his life.
Last updated on the September 1st 2016