Thoughts of Her First Flight

Writers: Ames, Clancey
Date Posted: 1st April 2013

Characters: Cardella, J'darin
Description: After her most recent Flight, Cardella recalls her first Flight and all the came after it
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 12, day 24 of Turn 6

Cardella

J'darin

Alone with her thoughts, Cardella couldn't help but reflect back on
things that had happened. With another Flight under her belt, her
thoughts drifted back to that very first Flight and all that had
followed it. She recalled those memories fondly.

~~~ Begin Flashback to Month 6 ~~~~

It was evening at the Weyr, and he was settled on his couch with a
small carving he was making for a gift, though he didn't know for whom
he meant it.

His mind wandered a bit to the events of the last couple of sevendays.

There had been the talk with P'nal, then the date with Devyn, and then
sevendays of not drinking, but also training the new class of
Weyrlings.

He had seen Devyn some since their date, though nothing formal as that
evening had been.

But it wasn't _that_ greenrider that drew his mind this evening.

He could see himself growing to like Devyn quite alot, but just less
than 2 sevendays ago, all the work he'd done not drinking had nearly
come undone with _another_ greenrider.

He had tried to move on from her smiling face and intelligent eyes.
And, he really thought he had managed quite well.

But then her dragon had Risen. For the first time.

He had contemplated taking Hasaarth out of the Weyr but in the end,
his dragon's desire was too strong, and he could not deny him. So,
Hasaarth launched himself after Awenth, and J'darin found himself in a
circle around Cardella wanting her with a passion that might have
scared her. It had scared him, most definitely .

And as if his own passion for her had spurred him on, Hasaarth had
managed to win the Flight.

His carving lay untouched for a moment as he remembered that day.

**** Begin Flight Flashback (Month 5 Day 22) ***

The heavy, sated warmth flickered over his body like a live thing,
reminding him that his dragon had claimed a green prize this day, and
that he lay twined about a young greenrider. Her first flight. He
had secretly dreamed of this moment, this place, this young girl.
Despite her age, he had found her irresistible from the first day he'd
found her wandering the corridors. But she was so young, so very
sweet, and so trusting. She trusted him.

He didn't think he'd disappointed her trust in him. He'd gone as
slow as possible knowing it was her first Flight, but his own passion
for her had been compounded by the Flight until he had lost himself at
the end. He knew it. She had trusted him, and he'd failed her,
there at the end.

Or at least, in his own mind he had.

He traced a finger down her cheek, wondering if she were beginning to
stir. And what she thought of him now. Did she still trust him, or
had he destroyed that innocent belief in him with the thoughtless
driving need of lust backed by love and dragon's wings?

**** End Flight Flashback ****

Shaking off the memory of what had happened next, he decided to get
himself up from his couch and check on Cardella. She had flown
Thread yesterday and he wanted to see how she and Awenth were faring
as a full member of a Fighting Wing.

Or at least, thats what he told himself.

He doubted that was his _real_ reason for seeking out the greenrider,
whom he'd barely spoken to since her Flight.

**Wake up, Hasaarth, and see if Awenth's rider is free. Ask her if I
can come by her weyr for a talk. Make sure you say talk!**

Cardella, herself had been dwelling on the events of the past
sevendays as well. Time had flown by. What had seemed like just her
first days here at Dragonsfall seemed so long ago. She glanced over at
at Awenth, who was watching her in turn as well.

}:We did well yesterday. We will do well again.:{ Awenth was proud of
their fighting skills. She was still small and didn't last long in the
fall, but she had flown with a speed and agility that far exceeded
what many had expected from the little green.

**You were amazing love.** Cardella could hardly believe that they
were part of the fighting wings. They had truly fought Thread. She'd
feared she would freeze, become afraid and fearful, but what had
happened instead had astounded her. Instead of fear, she'd felt
exhilaration. Instead of uncertainty, she'd flown with confidence and
joy. It was almost as though she'd been born for this moment. It
seemed so unlike the person she thought she had been, yet it was the
person she had become. _So_ much had changed for her since that first
day at the Weyr. She smiled as she thought of that day, of meeting
J'darin....J'darin....her mind wandered to another moment, more vivid
and recent.

**** Begin Flight Flashback ****

The Flight had been intense. Cardella had been lost amid the thrill of
the moment and Awenth's joy at taking Flight. All the fear and nerves
had vanished the moment the green had leapt into the skies and bugled
her challenge to the waiting males.

Cardella had not minded the press of men around her. The feelings of
the moment had overtaken her. She had become one with Awenth and she
savored the feeling of desire she felt coming from those around her.
For once, she was _wanted_. She was desired. Cardella was shedding the
last of her holder inhibitions and worries. For so long she'd been the
one that couldn't compare to the beauty of her sisters, for so long
she'd felt undesirable. Yet her inner beauty truly had shown
outwardly. Now, though, she was wanted in a way she'd never been
wanted before.

As the Flight came to a close, she'd found herself in the arms of a
gentle, caring lover. One who'd shown her things she'd never truly
imagined. Being one with dragon and one with man was an experience
Cardella would never forget. Her only other experience did not compare
with the intensity of what filled her.

Her body stirred at the caress of a hand on her cheek. Opening her
eyes with a feeling of pleasure still coursing through her, she laid
eyes on the man who'd been there for her from the first moment she'd
arrived at the Weyr. She blinked, realizing the magnitude of what
seeing that face meant.

*** End Flight Flashback ***

}:Hasaarth's wishes to talk with you.:{

Cardella was jolted out of her memories, throwing her hands up to run
down over her hair. J'darin wanted to talk with her? They had hardly
spoken since that day.

**Tell him to come.** She said, smoothing down her clothes and taking
a deep breath.

Relieved that she was willing to see him, he ran a comb through his
hair and headed through the corridors to her weyr. Hasaarth could
take him, but he thought he needed the time to think, to compose his
thoughts, before facing her lovely face.

He wasn't sure why he'd avoided her a bit more than normal, but she
didn't deserve such treatment from him.

He took several deep breaths, remembering the sweet follow-up to the
first rush of the Flight. He had loved her well, not once, but
twice, even three times, taking the opportunity to teach her what it
should be like, what it ought to be like. When he had left her, he
had spent at least two days in deep thought, even as he went about his
duties, trying to realign himself to that kind of relationship with
her - teacher to student. He had found he wanted to be _friends_
though, not just her teacher. But yet, he'd been afraid to talk to
her. What if she rejected him as so many of his students did?

It had taken him this long to decide that he should speak to her again
and make sure, once and for all, that he understood their relationship
now, and that she did too.

That kep him busy until he got to her door, and he sighed softly,
before knocking a couple of times, not much harder than his sigh.

She'd been worrying at her hands as she waited. She'd wanted to talk
to J'darin, many times since that day, but had found herself uncertain
what to say. When she would see him, it had almost seemed as though
he'd hurry off in another direction. She'd begun to wonder if she'd
somehow done something wrong or if he thought of her poorly after
their encounter. She hadn't _thought_ that things had been unpleasant
for him. In fact, he seemed very pleased at the time with her. She
hoped, now, that he wasn't coming here to tell her bad news of some
sort. She wanted to be his friend, had considered him a friend almost
from the moment they'd met.

At first he'd seemed almost fatherly to her, but that relationship had
started to change in the latter months of her training. He'd become
less like a father and more like a peer, someone she knew and could
understand. After Rama....Cardella choked back a breath at the thought
of her friend. J'darin had understood, better than anyone. The times
they had talked then had been the only times she felt at peace with
what had happened to her friend. She didn't want to lose that
friendship, but did things change between people after a Flight? Would
things never be able to be the same between them?

She heard the knock and jumped up, smoothing down her tunic and
brushing her hands over her hair.

"Come in," she called out even as she hurried over to the door to invite him in.

Well, this was it. Time to redefine his relationship with Cardella.
He'd felt a bit like her guardian, her father. But once Hasaarth had
caught her Awenth, that relationship had been altered forever. But
he found he still wanted to be her guardian, he still wanted to help
her. He wanted to be _there_ for her in any way she might need -
except for romantically, clearly that was ridiculous - but he still
cared deeply for her. He wanted to help her, the way he'd helped her
from day one.

J'darin settled his thoughts once more and he stepped into her weyr,
smiling at her. He hesitated briefly, then his smile turned a bit
sheepish. "I'm sorry Cardella. I should have come days ago. I
apologize.... " He reached out to hug her, offering a simple hug to
break the 'ice' with her.

"Can we talk, do you think?" He added.

"J'darin," Cardella said simply stepping into his hug. "You've nothing
to apologize for, honestly." She had almost expected things to feel a
bit awkward for a bit after the Flight, but now she wanted things to
be more like they had been before. There would always be a special
connection between her and J'darin, and she hoped it would grow
stronger, but it wasn't the same feeling she had with others, closer
to her age.

"Come sit with me. We do need to talk." She took his hand and gently
led him to the small seating area in her weyr.

He held her tightly for a long moment, trying to let the romantic
feeling go, for once and for all. He had loved their friendship, and
he had hoped with all of heart that she would be one who would stay
his friend after graduating.

He had almost ruined that, and now, he hoped to fix it.

He followed her a bit meekly for someone twice her age, but he knew
they needed this talk, this time to get back to some sort of normal
relationship.

He sat with her and started off with the simple truth.

"Cardella... winning your Flight was both a dream and a tragedy for
me. I've been half in love with you for months and I wished for just
that kind of experience with you. Even though I'm twice your
age....But, on the other hand, I am so glad it _was_ me. It was
your first Flight and it should be special and wonderful and good and
all the things Flights can be if they are done well - and most of them
are. It should be a joy." He didn't know if she'd known that...
known how deeply he had felt for her, had longed for her.

What would she think of him now? It was too late to take it back, so
instead, he paused and offered her one of his cocky grins.

"I know it was a joy for _me_." His grin widened to bring her into
the pleasant memory a well-flown Flight could be.

"But it was emotional too... to share something so special with
you.... " He struggled a bit for words, and even though he was baring
his heart to a youngling girl, barely into a fighting wing, it didn't
feel odd. It never had, not with her.

"I had to figure out, on my own, that what we had...before... was the
most beautiful of relationships we could have, and the Flight was just
a sweet tangent. But our friendship came from what we had _before_...
a teacher, for sure, but also a true friend. Someone who is always
there, if you need them, for whatever you need them for - be it a
joyous first Flight, a lecture, or arms to hug you while you cry - I
trust you with my friendship ...and I hope you can trust me again,
with your friendship."

Cardella sat, still and quiet for a moment, taking in all that he
said. She hadn't known how deeply his feelings for her had been,
hadn't even really suspected, but now, suddenly, all the pieces seemed
to fit into place. All the times he'd avoided her during training and
she'd wondered what she'd done. Now, she realized, all along, he'd
been dealing with his own struggles, struggles that involved her in
many ways.

She reached for his hand, taking in in hers and holding it gently as
she looked him in the eyes. "You have _nothing_ to apologize for. I
may not have known all that, but J'darin, I care deeply for you as
well. I've _always_ felt safe and comfortable with you since the
moment I first arrived here, wide-eyed and innocent." She paused,
smiling at him to let him know she wasn't upset or angry in anyway.

"I was worried about what would be expected of me after a Flight,
about what the other would demand. Things I'm not ready to give.
Friendship, however, is something I want more than anything. I cherish
the times we talk. You bring peace and joy to me when we are together,
but I don't want things clouded by romance that I can't give." She
hoped he understood her fumbling words as she tried to explain her own
thoughts.

"Though," she added with a bit of a smirk, "I can't say I minded what
happened during the Flight, at all!" Cardella actually blushed a bit
at that thought. J'darin had been _very_ good to her and made her feel
things she'd never felt in her limited experience with J'nev. "It was
a pleasure, for sure." She added, her cheeks rather red at discussing
such things so openly, yet it didn't feel awkward or uncomfortable
like it would have before or like it might have with any other. No,
with J'darin, things had always been different. He was a true
confidante. A soul-mate of a different kind, one she could always lean
to for trust and support, and now one she hoped she could do the same
for in return.

He watched her face with the pleasure he remembered from their time
together showing brightly in his eyes.

Her blush made him grin, though, and he thought how sweet she still
was, even in the midst of all the growing up she was doing.

Someone had better take good care of her. He made himself a promise
to make sure no one hurt her. No one.

He reached out to touch her cheek, gently, but his fingers were warm
against her skin. "I definitely enjoyed showing you the joys of a
good Flight, lovely girl. And romance did sneak up on me a few
times.... but I've met someone, and that helped clear my mind, too.
Friends we will be, Cardella. But my door... and my arms... are
always open if you need them. However you need them... and I will
keep you safe, always. You will always be safe with me." His voice
trailed off at the end, remembering again. He gazed at her a moment,
feeling at peace with his feelings at last.

Or maybe a better word was _understanding_.

She smiled at him and gave his hand a squeeze. "I trust you more than
anything J'darin. I'm glad this has not ruined our friendship, but
rather changed it for the good. Thank you for always being here for
me. While I may not have the same years of experience, I, too, can
return that favor. I am here for you if you ever need a friend to talk
to."

~~~~~ End Flashback ~~~~~

True to their words that day, their friendship had only grown
stronger. Cardella could not imagine life in the Weyr without J'darin
there. She didn't regret a moment that they shared, just as she didn't
regret the outcome of this current Flight as well. Friends really were
the best lovers it seemed. She smiled to herself at that thought.

Last updated on the May 30th 2013

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Thoughts of Her First Flight