The Things We Fear (2/2)

Writers: Clancey, Anaria
Date Posted: 17th April 2011

Characters: J'nor, J'darin
Description: J'darin notices J'nor's inattentiveness in class and asks him about it.
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 1, day 24 of Turn 6
Notes: Mentioned: O'ryn, G'wen, Cardella, Weyrwoman (not by name)

J'darin

"I guess I shouldn't focus so much on what the other weyrlings are
saying. I guess they're just spooked because of how fast things are
changing for all of us," J'nor mused. "Honestly, I didn't really
believe it until everyone started acting like I was daft for not
feeling similarly. I just don't feel like I should have to walk on
eggshells around the green weyrlings all the time, and I don't
understand why they're treating me like I'm the crazy one because I'm
not terrified. Yeah, I'm not thrilled about the concept, but I can't
imagine it to be too bad if every rider goes through it at some
point," J'nor said. He sighed deeply, pulling his knees up to his
chest, and resting his chin on them. "I just feel like I am arguing
with everyone recently, and I don't even understand why. Everyone is
so sensitive."

J'darin laughed out loud at his last comment. Sensitive, indeed.
This was by far the most sensitive group of weyrlings he'd ever
trained. But, it was alright. It was good to be needed, and he
enjoyed helping them understand things better. "Sensitive is one way
to put it, yes." Still chuckling a little, he continued, but tried to
be a little more serious.

"Well, you're right. They are afraid because they don't know. And
there was a recent event of someone winding up in the infirmary after
a Flight, so perhaps that is coloring their thoughts on the matter.
But as I said, that was only the second one I'd ever heard about,
though granted, I don't hear about _every_ single one." Seeing the
boy sigh and withdraw a little, he laid a comforting arm on his
shoulders for a moment.

And if D'cal had seen that, he would have thought J'darin (or himself)
was sunstruck.

"After you all become Senior weyrlings, there will be alot more talks
about mating Flights and the responsibilities of the participants.
While I can't promise they won't still be scared and think you're daft
for not feeling the same, I can promise that they will be as
instructed as they can be without actually experiencing a Flight.
Unfortunately, that is a feeling training cannot duplicate. And you
do not need to walk on eggshells around the others." He paused,
considering how to phrase this kindly.

"J'nor, you are all going through some crazy changes -
emotionally, physically, mentally, and in your life. All of a sudden
you have this "other person" in your head _all_ the time. It leads to
some crazy things, sometimes. Its normal to have arguments, even
heated discussions, and have some crazy feelings about what is
happening to you and to your friends. Its normal to suddenly realize
you might wake up next to your clutchmate a few turns down the road,
and _that_ does some sharding silly things to your emotions. But
don't worry, okay? If you're friends - and I know you all are - the
arguments will smooth out. Especially once everyone graduates to
Senior Weyrling status. Then you have an ... ahh.... outlet for all
that emotion!"

J'nor had to laugh at that. Though he would have never brought it up
to J'darin, he had to admit that he had thought that several of his
classmates would benefit from a good tumble. "Well that's certainly
good to hear. I was beginning to get afraid that everyone was going to
keep yelling at me for no apparent reason for the rest of my time
here," he said, shaking his head. He thought a bit more about what
J'darin had said. How would be feel if he woke up next to one of his
clutchmates? What if Zoranaith flew Neath or Awenth? He didn't have
anything against either of them, but he imagined that it would feel
quite awkward. He shuddered a bit despite himself. But he supposed he
would prefer one of them over waking up next to E'naer! That would be
tremendously awkward. Or one of the elderly greenriders at the Weyr.
That wouldn't be fun either.

"I guess I should be glad I don't ride bronze, so at least I don't
have to worry about waking up next to the Weyrwoman," J'nor said
finally. "I can't imagine the pressure on gold and bronze Weyrlings,
having to go through all of this and then having to deal with the fact
that one day they could be leading the Weyr."

J'darin considered J'nor's words for a long moment. They were very
thought-provoking and insightful for a young man. A young bluerider,
even. J'nor was edging around a very solid truth. "Well, to be
honest, J'nor, gold dragons and bronze dragons normally choose people
who _would_ be comfortable doing just that, though it is scary. The
dragons will do know who their best match is, and their best match
usually fits right in with the duties and tendencies of whatever color
their lifemate happens to be. Thats not to say that there aren't
plenty of blue and brown riders who, of themselves, would be
comfortable leading the Weyr, but there is something in each of us
that aligns us perfectly with our lifemates, and generally we all wind
up in the best possible place, doing the best job, because we are
playing to our personal strengths."

"But I will share something with you that I don't often share. The
pressure you feel when leading a Weyr is more of a responsibility than
a 'pressure'. You feel completely and totally responsible for the
young riders and dragons you are sending up in the sky, and into
harm. Some of them die. Many, if not most, of them get hurt and
scarred, like I did. Responsibility for others is a terrible and
wonderful emotional burden. But you can do it because you believe
what I just told you.... your dragon chose you and they know. It
gives you a belief in yourself that maybe otherwise you would not
have, the first time you hear the dragons keening because of a
decision you made."

He smiled over at the lad, adding, "But the secret is, that isn't true
for just bronzeriders. If you are ever scared or worried or nervous
about your job and your life as a dragonrider, remember this...
Zoranaith chose _you_ and he knows."

J'nor smiled. "I will keep that in mind. Thanks for taking the time to
talk me through everything, I really appreciate your help," he said.

"I'm happy to help, lad. That's why I am here. Just make sure you
keep your focus, hmm?" He smiled warmly at the boy and stood up to
let him go to the dining hall.

Last updated on the April 29th 2011

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The Things We Fear (2/2)