The Things We Fear (1/2)

Writers: Clancey, Anaria
Date Posted: 17th April 2011

Characters: J'nor, J'darin
Description: J'darin notices J'nor's inattentiveness in class and asks him about it.
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 1, day 24 of Turn 6
Notes: Mentioned: O'ryn, G'wen, Cardella, Weyrwoman (not by name)

J'darin

Lyriath was going to rise any day now, that was something J'nor was
certain of. And the thought consumed nearly every conscious moment
that he was awake, to the point where even the Weyrlingmaster had
noticed his inattentiveness. So while the rest of his clutchmates
headed out for their noon meal, J'nor stayed behind, cringing as he
anticipated the punishment that was surely imminent. Once Zoranaith
was distracted by hunting with his peers, J'nor walked up to J'darin's
desk meekly. "You... you asked to see me, Weyrlingmaster?"
After dismissing the class, J'darin nodded to the young bluerider,
beckoning him over to a handy spot to sit in the weyrbowl. "Yes,
please join me for a moment, J'nor. I wanted to speak to you about
class the last few days. You've been paying far less attention than
I expect, and I want to know why." His voice was even, not angry,
but more disappointed. They were getting closer to being Senior
Weyrlings and they needed to start paying more attention, not less.

J'nor sat down, stretching his long legs out in front of him, as he
considered what to say about his behavior. For a moment, he considered
just lying, but none of his lies seemed plausible. "Well, it's sort of
hard to explain. You see, there's a boy I like. Nothing has happened
between us obviously, since Zoranaith is still so young. But his
dragon is going to rise soon, and I'm holdbred. Despite all the
classes, it still hurts knowing Zoranaith is too young to chase," he
explained, his face flushing brightly.

J'darin, so help him, almost laughed at the poor lad's discomfort and
blushing. He was having alot of these talks lately, and he found he
didn't mind at all. It was nice having weyrlings who weren't
grousing about him behind his back and accusing him of prejudice and
all sorts of other things that the younger, un-scarred version of
J'darin had done and been through in previous turns. Although,
granted, G'wen didn't seem to think much of him.

He held it back with great difficulty; he did not want J'nor to think
he was laughing at him.

Finally, he nodded and said, "Its a struggle for all of us who come
from Holds, lad. But I have to tell you that it is much better to
grow accustomed to it sooner rather than later. Your heart will be
in for a wild ride, otherwise. Zoranaith will not always be too
young, and there will always be more Flights. I know its difficult,
especially this first time. But you have to trust that if your ..ahh..
friend feels the same for you, that, given time, things will work
themselves out. If he does, then one Flight will not change that.
It doesn't, usually, in the Weyr. But thats a tough thing to
experience... it doesn't help the feelings, any. I know, J'nor." He
paused a moment before going on, his voice turning serious.

"But neither is it an excuse for not paying attention in classes. How
do you propose we get your focus back? " He left it there, giving the
young man a chance to talk a little more.

"Well, the way Lyriath looks, she'll be going up any instant," J'nor
said, sadly. "So I don't think I'll have to worry about it for that
much longer. But I understand what you mean, we're getting into harder
and harder things in class, and I need to focus or I will be putting
Zoranaith in danger. I guess I will just think about it this way - if
we fail and don't make Senior Weyrling, I've got even longer to worry
about things." He had managed to get back onto good terms with O'ryn,
and he knew that if the greenrider found out he was held back for
obsessing over the mating flight, he'd not appreciate it.

J'darin nodded, pleased with the weyrling's answer. "Very wise,
J'nor. Your lifemate's safety must come first, before all else.
Even a lover or a friend. As much as I hate to give this sort of
advice, you must harden your heart to the experience of a mating
Flight. It is far too common an occurrence here in the Weyr for you
to let your feelings get tied up in knots each time Lyriath Rises to
mate. Your ... friend.... will be very much more at ease if he knows
you understand. You can, also, once you are a senior weyrling, see
if he will come to you after the first round of the Flight. Some of
the couples I know do that, though many, of course, do not. But, in
the end, trusting him will gain you far more than an angry word, or a
broken heart. I know ...." He sighed a little, his mind full of his
own memories. One good effect of loving goldriders was that golds
rose so much less frequently than greens. It made it a little easier
on the bronze boys who loved them. But greenriders made his heart
race, sometimes, and it was worth it, almost always.

"Now, you will focus, yes?" He finished, glancing down at the boy.

"Yes, Weyrlingmaster, you won't have to worry about me losing focus
again," J'nor said quickly, somewhat relieved that it looked like the
Weyrlingmaster wasn't going to go too hard on him. "Is the first time
as bad for us as it is for some of the greenriders? I keep hearing
horror stories from people about ending up in the Infirmary and such.
Are they exaggerating?"

J'darin was shocked. First, G'wen and Cardella, and now J'nor, were
asking about getting beat up in a Flight. Faranth! Who were they
talking to? Most Flights did _not_ end that way, shards. He frowned
seriously for a moment, then said gruffly, "Who have you been talking
to, J'nor? Its not the _norm_ for riders, even in First flights, to
end up in the infirmary. You might get some bruises, sure. You're
almost always a little sore. Occasionally, even often, things get a
little ..ahh... rough. But its a good kind of rough and sore, not a
put you in the infirmary kind of rough and sore. Its like you had a
_very_ good workout, because trust me, you did. I told this to your
clutchmates, too, but I've been a rider for 17 turns, at 2 different
Weyrs, and I've heard of exactly _two_ cases serious enough where
someone wound up in the Infirmary. Exactly _two_, though one quite
recently. Its quite possible there were a few others that I didn't
hear of, of course, but Flights are enjoyable most all the time."

He paused another moment, shaking his head. If he found out who was
filling these younglings heads with these stories, he was going to do
something that would get him demoted for sure, hurt at least. Perhaps
it was because what had happened when Genith Rose, with U'kaiah, that
the younglings thought flights were horrible, and not the wonderful
thing they truly were.

"First flights are challenging and difficult because you're not used
to being completely one with your dragon and your feelings completely
overtaking your body and your mind. You do lose yourself, and you
have no choice at all in your partner. Your dragon chooses. That
is why we warn you all to get experience before your first flights so
that at least the sex part is not scary or new, and you're not a
virgin to feel pain at your first time. It can be scary to feel how
out of control you become, and it results in a fast, very intense
response to the mating of your dragons, and if you were a virgin, that
would mean quite a bit of pain, unexpectedly, never mind knowing it
isn't _your_ choice of first lovers. But, you should never be hurt
intentionally, and it should be enjoyable for you and the rider of the
dragon your dragon catches."

"Its alright to be a little nervous, really it is. Its alright to
worry, but don't be afraid of getting hurt. Do you understand what I
mean, J'nor?" He asked finally, still amazed that so many of this
group of weyrlings were worried about _that_ sort of ending to their
flights. It was natural to be nervous, even a little scared, and it
was even more natural to know _You_ wouldn't be choosing your partner
and find that disturbing, but to fear being put in the infirmary was
strange to him.

Last updated on the April 29th 2011

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The Things We Fear (1/2)