Don't Go

Writers: Dana, Eimi
Date Posted: 10th February 2009

Characters: Nialyn, K'lar
Description: Nia tells K'lar of her decision
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 1, day 5 of Turn 5

The message had been vague, leaving the brownrider to ponder it's meaning
all afternoon. "I want to see you tonight" could mean so many things. It
could mean that Nia had something important she had wanted to talk about
which was rarely good, or it could be she just really wanted to be with
him that evening. He had decided to think optimistically and had arranged
for a quiet dinner for the two of them after she got off work, complete
with candle light.

It seemed he had guessed wrong.

"You're what?" he asked, completely dumbfounded by the words that had come
out of her perfect lips.

"I'm leaving."

He couldn't believe it. Leaving the Weyr? "But... Where would you go?"

She looked down. "Amber Hills. I spent my girlhood there." But he
already knew that. "It's...familiar to me."

"But why would you want to leave?" He knew she had a hard time of it with
the father of her little girl, but surely things weren't so bad as that!

Shards, what a loaded question. Nialyn was silent for a moment, trying to
think of how to put it into words. "For a lot of reasons," she finally
said. "I've lived here for four Turns and I've never been truly happy.
Not like I was at Amber Hills."

He reached for her hands, trying to hold onto her any way he could. "You
could _be_ happy... You've had a rough time lately, I know, but that
doesn't mean that you can't find happiness here."

Fighting the burning behind her eyes, she shook her head. "I don't think
I could, K'lar."

"You have as much chance for happiness here as you have there. I mean...
your mother is here, your job, your friends..." He was grasping at
straws, feeling desperation rising. "What could there be there that you
don't have here?"

Nialyn knew she was hurting him, and it hurt her to know it. He deserved
honesty from her, as painful as it was for her to say it. "I can't do
it." She looked up at him, a pleading expression in her eyes, willing him
to understand. "I can't live here. I can't come home to a weyr filled
with memories I want to forget but can't. I can't go to work every day
with the creeping sensation of dread deep down inside me, wondering if I'm
going to have to face him that day. I can't do it, K'lar. I can't raise
Lyndi as the girl I am right now. Not in the way she should be raised. I
can't."

"You're doing a great job with Lyndi. No one could be a better mother,
Nia. She's going to grow up to be a beautiful, strong woman just like her
mother. And if her father's the problem then let me talk to him. Maybe I
can reason with him, make him leave you alone..."

She shook her head. "It isn't just him." Though he was a major part of
it. "It's this place, too. They don't believe in the same things I
do--the things that really matter. And I won't conform." He was Holdbred
too, even though he was now a dragonrider. He had to understand what she
meant on some level.

"You don't have to," he murmured softly, holding her gaze. "I don't want
you to."

Tears filled her eyes. Faranth, he wasn't making this easy for her.

K'lar stood to his feet and walked a few paces away, covering his forehead
with his hand. He wasn't getting through to her, and he so desperately
needed to. These past months his feelings for her had only deepened. She
was right, he did understand her. Deep down, he was just a Holdboy too.
He had learned to adjust to Weyr life, but accepting it had been another
matter entirely. All the things he had been taught he should want in his
young life - a wife, children, a family of his own, the love of one woman
- he couldn't let those dreams go as much as he tried. And here was Nia,
sharing his same hopes and dreams. It was almost as if she had stepped
out of a dream. To lose her now, the very thought was almost unbareable.
He loved her. He wanted to provide for her, protect her. How could he
just let her go without telling her how he felt? Would it make a
differece? Wasn't it worth a try?

Turning back to her he knelt in front of her, taking her hands in his once
more. "Please, Nia, don't leave me. I love you. I have loved you since
the moment I saw you. I can't imagine my life here without you anymore.
You're all I think about, you're all I want. If this weyr is so full of
painful memories that you would run away from it, then come to mine and be
my weyrmate and I swear will spend my life turning all those sad memories
into happy ones."

"W-Weyrmate?" she breathed, hardly able to believe what she had just heard.

"I would take care of you, Nia. I would love Lyndi as if she were my
own." He would protect her from that bastard Birigundi and never let him
walk into the home and fill it with his bitterness.

And Lyndi would finally have a father the way she should have one--a man
who would always be around, not just show up when it was convenient for
him to do so. And Nialyn, too, would finally be safe. K'lar would
protect her from prying gossips, and from Birigundi. And by staying with
him, she wouldn't have to leave the Weyr to face the unknown to start her
life over again. She gazed silently down at the brownrider. She was
tempted. Faranth, she was so tempted to accept him.

Her silence was a little unnerving to the brownrider. "So... What do you
think?"

To accept him would to accept what she already knew was the wrong choice.
No matter how she rationalized it to herself if she _did_ accept, it would
all boil down to the fact that she would be using him as a means for
security. She would be using him as a shield. Shards, it wouldn't be
right. Her fingers tightened around his and her throat tightened. Why
did it have to hurt so much? "I...wish it could be that simple for me,
K'lar," she whispered. "I wish it so much, because I care for you. But
it's not that simple."

It did hurt K'lar as he saw the gentle rejection in her eyes. He could
beg and plead, but if she couldn't say 'yes' without convincing, it would
be a hollow victory to plague her with reasons until she changed her mind.
Perhaps it had just been too soon. It would be rushing it, but he could
not just let her go! "Stay, Nia. Please stay."

Slowly she shook her head, rising to her feet. She couldn't stay here a
moment longer, staring into his desperate face, his sad eyes. She'd come
undone. "I...I should probably go," she said softly, trying to hide the
tremor in her voice--and failing miserably.

It was all the brownrider could do not to rush after her and hold her
back, to wrap her in his arms and beg her to stay. But she had made her
choice and in the end, the only resistence he would allow himself was a
whispered protest as she closed the door behind her. "Don't go..."

Last updated on the February 17th 2009

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Don't Go