Walk Away

Writers: Dana, Eimi
Date Posted: 29th November 2008

Characters: Birigundi, Nialyn, K'lar
Description: Biri comes over for Nia's birthday, but things don't turn out the way he wanted....
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 12, day 11 of Turn 4

Birigundi

Biri tied the last ribbon, carefully crafting a bow. It wasn't perfect,
but it was his best attempt so far. Nia would like it. It showed he took
the time for a the little details. She seemed to like that.

He took a deep breath as he looked down at the present he had bought her.
It had cost him most the marks he had saved up, but it was worth it.
Maybe now she'd know just how much she meant to him. Maybe she could see
that he had changed. Her last birthingday he had forgotten completely
until a drudge he had slept with casually asked what he had bought her - a
day after the fact. But he not only remembered, he had thought about her
enough to buy her something. She'd understand that.

But would she know just how long and hard he'd been thinking about her?
Would she understand that not a day passed when he didn't miss her, think
of her, look for her? Would she finally let down her guard and give him
another chance? He knew she wanted to. When they were dancing at the
Hatching feast, she had leaned into him, her fingers curling into his
tunic as their bodies brushed against each other. And then for some
reason she pretended that she hadn't felt it, but he knew it was a lie.
As he leaned down to kiss her, he could see a brief moment of hesitation
before she pulled away. There had been something there, and Biri was not
going to let this chance to prove himself to her pass him by.

Putting on his best tunic, he paused at his mirror one more time to comb
his fingers through his hair and practice once more. "Happy Birthday,
Nia. This is for you... Here you go, Nia, this is for you. Happy
Birthday... I knew it was your birthday so I just got you a little
something..." Shards, his palms were sweating. He wiped them on his
trousers as he turned back to retrieve the present. It was time to get
this over with.

~~~

"Biri?" Nialyn couldn't quite hide the shock she felt in seeing him
standing outside her door.

All the suave words he had practiced seemed to slip his mind as he looked
at her. Shards she looked really good. "Hey."

"Hey." Quickly she slipped outside into the corridor, doing her best to
gather her scattered wits. She took a deep breath in, then let it out
slowly before meeting his eyes. "What, uh... What are you doing here?"

Birigundi suddenly felt shy and unsure of himself as he looked down at the
floor between them. It was unusual for him. "I... well, you know. It's
your birthday. I just wanted to wish you a happy one is all."

She blinked in surprise. Last Turn, he had completely forgotten, and
considering the way things had ended between them last sevenday, she'd
been sure he would forget this time too, but purposefully. The fact that
he hadn't forgotten made something deep down inside of her thrum with
pleasure. A slow smile curved her lips. "Thanks, Biri."

"And I... I got you a little something." He held out the carefully
wrapped present almost hesitantly, second-guessing that she might like it.

"Oh...." Her fingers wrapped around the edges of the gift and she looked
down, taking in the wrappings and the small, lopsided bow in the center.
Despite her sudden unease, she couldn't help but smile. It was very
obvious that he'd wrapped it himself, and to know that he put his own time
and effort into wrapping it.... Shards. She glanced up at him. "You
didn't have to do this," she said softly.

"I wanted to do it," he murmured as his eyes met hers at last.

Was this his way of signaling that he wanted to try again? To erase what
had happened on the dance floor and start as...well, as friends? As she
searched his face, she knew by his expression that the gift wasn't that
kind of a gesture. The thought that the gift was meant to be _more_ than
a gesture of friendship thrilled her--and she felt a pang of guilt that it
did.

"Open it," he whispered with a nod.

Carefully she peeled the wrappings away to reveal an intricately designed,
wooden jewelry box--and it wasn't just any jewelry box. Nearly a Turn ago
she had pointed this very one out to him in passing, commenting on how
beautiful it was, and how perfect it would be for the fine things she had
in her possession. Of course, it had been out of her price range then,
and his too. Nialyn looked up at him, a soft smile in her eyes. He had
remembered.

"I found the same woodcrafter and asked him to make one for you. The
originally had been sold, so..." Biri couldn't help the hopeful smile
that spread across his face. She remembered it, like he knew she would.

She blinked. He'd had one _made_ for her? Shards.... Knowing that she
was treading the very edge, she carefully leaned closer to give him a hug.
He deserved a bit more than just words of gratitude. "Thank you, Biri."

He wrapped his arms loosely around her but turned his head to give her a
soft kiss on the cheek. "Happy birthday, Nia," he whispered, his breath
tickling her skin.

A shiver ran down her spine, and she gently pulled away before she could
do anything stupid--like give him a kiss back. "Thanks," she whispered
again. It was dangerous territory for them to be alone like this, to be
so close like this, and the last thing she wanted was for either of them
to get hurt again.

"Do you... want to have dinner tonight? You, me and Lyndi? _Just_
dinner," he assured her, though he hoped dinner would lead to dessert,
which would lead to tucking Lyndi in to sleep, which would leave them both
alone...

She felt her cheeks flush. "Oh, Biri...."

"We could go to the dining hall..." he quickly assured her.

"It's not.... I mean, it's sweet of you to offer, really." She gave him
a hesitant smile, wishing there was a gentler way to let him down,
especially since he'd gone through such an effort for her. "But...I sort
of have plans for the evening."

Birigundi's face fell. Plans? With her brownrider? Faranth he hoped he
was wrong. It could be her mother, after all... "Well... Can I join you?
Or is it..."

Shards and shells, _why_ did she have to feel so guilty? Genuine regret
filled her eyes as she shook her head. "I'm...sorry, Biri." But maybe it
was just as well. Maybe it was for the best.

He reached for her hand. For Faranth's sake, why was she doing this? He
knew there was something there! "Nia..."

"I really am sorry," she whispered, finding the knob of the door with her
other hand. Faranth, this was harder than she'd expected it would be.

Birigundi dropped her hand, his eyes showing more than just
disappointment. It didn't matter that he was trying to change for her,
that he was trying to be understanding, that he had forgiven her for the
cruel way she had left him just when he needed her most. She couldn't
even say it, could she. She couldn't say that she was screwing someone
else now, so she didn't need him any more and it didn't matter how much he
tried for her. He had been replaced and that was that.

That the wounded look on his face could make her feel so guilty irritated
her. Why couldn't it just be enough that she accepted his gift and
appreciated it for what it was? Why did he have to keep pushing
her--asking more of her than she could give? When he pushed, it just lead
to hurt and anger. Why couldn't he have just left it alone? He hadn't
_had_ to ask her to dinner. And what made him assume that she wouldn't
have plans already? Did he just expect her to drop everything for him?
Gently she began pushing the door open, knowing it was so incredibly rude
to escape this way--and so abruptly--but she didn't know what else to do.
"I'd like to see you tomorrow, if it works," she told him softly. "Maybe
the three of us can get lunch...."

But Birigundi wasn't listening. His eyes had narrowed as they bore into
someone he could focus his hurt and anger on. He slammed his hand into
the door, forcing it open with a protesting squeak of the hinges. "What
on the Red Star do you think you are _doing_?! You keep your hands off
her!!"

K'lar looked up from the little giggling girl he had been bouncing on his
knee. "Me?"

Before she could stop him or even make a protest, Birigundi had brushed
past Nia and barged into the room. "I said get your hands off my
daughter!" He pulled the confused toddler off of the brownrider's lap
with one arm and planted a hand firmly on K'lar's chest with the other,
pushing him back into the sofa cushions. "She's _my_ daughter! Do you
get that? And you are not to touch her!"

Lyndi could feel the sudden tension in the room and reacted with a
confused and frightened wail. Releasing the man, Birigundi cuddled her
close, shushing her soothingly. "It's ok baby girl, it's ok. Papa's here
now. It's ok."

K'lar pushed himself off the couch and to his feet. "Now wait a minute!"

"Birigundi!" Hurt and fury clashed in Nialyn's eyes as she rushed over to
the two men. "What is your sharding problem?!"

"I don't give a tunnel snake's turd who you are screwing, none of your men
get to lay a finger on Lyndi, do you got that?" he growled, turning angry
eyes in her direction.

"Don't you _dare_ tell me what to do!" she snarled, face flushing with hot
embarrassment and anger. "What gives you the right to barge on into my
weyr and direct my life? _Nothing_! You gave up a right to have any say
months and months ago! Lyndi is my daughter too, and she can be with
K'lar if I say she can be!"

"I never gave up on anything!" Birigundi roared back. "I never gave up on
us. You were the one who gave up on _me_! Lyndi will always be _my_
daughter, and I say you keep your men in the bedroom where they belong and
keep their hands off my little girl!" He turned hateful eyes on the
brownrider. "Faranth knows where their hands have been."

"You're out of line, boy!" K'lar said with an angry finger pointed at
Birigundi's face. "This is not your weyr and you are certainly not
welcome right now. Get out of here before I call the guards on you and
recommend that you be permanently banned from it."

Birigundi gripped a screaming Lyndi tighter to him. She was his child,
and no brownrider, guard or Weyr was going to take her from him. "Don't
you threaten me, _wherryrider_!"

Nialyn stalked forward, and with a blind fury she had never felt before in
her life she clasped his arm tightly with both of her hands, trying to get
to her wailing daughter. "Give her to me, Birigundi. You're hurting
her!"

"And you're scaring her!" Birigundi growled as he yanked his arm away.

K'lar could see this whole situation was turning really ugly very fast.
"Both of you just _stop_!" he barked.

Birigundi was so surprised he nearly jumped at the sound of his voice. It
snapped him back to the realization that it wasn't some piece of
decoration he and Nia were fighting over but his daughter and she was
almost hysterical with fear. She could have been hurt the way they were
practically wrestling for the girl and that thought filled him with more
fear than the thought of another man taking his place. He set her on the
ground, smoothing her hair back with his fingers and kissing her cheek.
"I'm sorry baby. I'm sorry. It's all right. Everything's all right.
You don't have to be afraid. See, everything's all right."

Nialyn fell to her knees and swept her baby into her arms away from him,
cradling her gently and glaring fiercely up at Birigundi.

His eyes welled with tears as he looked down at them. He had lost the
battle, for both of them. "She's _my_ daughter," he said, his voice
cracking.

The brownrider walked behind Nia, standing protectively over the pair. "I
think it's time you go. Now."

Birigundi hesitated, wanting to reach out for his little girl, afraid that
if he walked out the door Lyndi would forget him. There was a cold fear
inside of him at the realization that he was being replaced not only in
Nia's life, but in Lyndi's as well. What would he do without her? How
could he be just the other man in his baby's life? But what could he do?
He had lost, and even if he reached out to touch her again, Nia would just
pull her further away. If he went now, maybe he could beg for a part of
his daughter's life. But he shouldn't have to beg, she was his. Wasn't
she? But for how long?

Utterly defeated, tears streaming down his face, he did as he was told and
walked away.

Last updated on the December 1st 2008

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Walk Away