Fear and Regret (1/2)

Writers: Dana, Eimi
Date Posted: 6th November 2008

Characters: Birigundi, Nialyn
Description: Birigundi finds a surprising way to end another fight with Nia.
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 12, day 5 of Turn 4

Birigundi

"There's my girl!" Birigundi said with a broad smile as he reached for the
child resting on Nia's hip. Little Lyndi stretched her arms in response
towards her papa and was rewarded with loud kisses on her chubby cheeks
that made her giggle in delight as he took her in his arms.

Nialyn felt a smile pull at her lips as she watched them. The last time
he had stood for a Hatching, she had purposefully not shown up with Lyndi.
She and Birigundi had barely been on speaking terms then, and she'd still
been so furious with him that she had punished him by not being there.
Oh, she'd saved up her excuses just in case he would demand a reason for
why she hadn't been there. But he had never made any demand. She hoped
that her being here this Hatching would erase her past actions. Perhaps
it was naive of her to think he would forget it, but at least she'd come
this time--and had brought Lyndi too.

Of course, her little darling hadn't quite known what had been going
on--why she had to be in the terribly hot cave, held tightly in her
mother's arms, and squeezed even tighter every time the spectators cried
out in enthusiasm. Enthusiasm, Nialyn thought dryly. Shards, she had
been anything but enthusiastic. She wouldn't deny that watching a
Hatching gave her some kind of thrill, but it was more a thrill of awe
mingled with anxiety than an thrill of excitement. Adult dragons already
unnerved her enough, but the hatchlings unnerved her even more. They were
wobbly on their feet, even violent, desperately hungry and needing to find
the human right for them--and would do anything to get to that particular
human. Nialyn had seen Candidates get hurt out on the Sands before, blood
dripping from the arms and legs of those who didn't move out of a
hatchling's way fast enough.

Luckily Biri hadn't been hurt. And he hadn't Impressed. The relief that
had surged through her as soon as the last hatchling had Impressed had
made her so light-headed she'd had to stay seated for a while longer. One
of spectators seated beside her, concern in his eyes, had even asked after
her well-being, and she had replied--rather breathlessly--that she was
fine. The older man had just smiled and patted her arm in understanding.
"Hatchings can be quite emotionally draining," he'd said. Shells, he had
no idea.

It had been more than just anxiety she had felt when a few of the bronze
and brown hatchlings had staggered towards Birigundi. Silently,
fervently, she'd kept up a silent chant, pleading that he wouldn't Impress
this time. If he did, he'd be gone forever--not physically, but
emotionally. Oh, he'd still see Lyndi, she had no doubt about that. But
his first priority would be his dragon, and that dragon would take him
away from her--them. It was beyond selfish for her to still think like
this, especially since she and Biri weren't together anymore, but she
couldn't help that. The fear was too deeply ingrained.

Shaking herself from those thoughts, Nialyn placed a hand on Lyndi's
chubby arm. "She's happy to see you."

"Well, I should hope so," he chuckled lightly, poking her belly to induce
more happy giggles. "I don't think I could take rejection from her too
today."

Shards. Now she had to acknowledge it...and give him the proper response
even though it would be a lie. "I'm sorry, Biri."

"Eh, you know," he said with a nonchalant shrug. "Next time, right?" The
'next times' seemed to be running out quickly... Though he did find Nia's
pity rather... gratifying.

"Sure," she smiled, though it didn't quite reach her eyes.

And this was the point in the meeting when things inevitably became
awkward. He and Nia had to find something to talk about that was safe,
wouldn't lead to an argument and wouldn't remind themselves that there
were
things that really _should_ be said but just weren't to be talked about.
Their daughter was really the only topic they could both agree on, and so
predictably they retreated behind her. "Well then... Did Lyndi watch the
Hatching at all? Or was she bored with the whole thing?"

"To be honest, I don't think she quite understood what it was all about."
Nialyn shrugged a shoulder, an amused expression on her face as she looked
down at her daughter. "But she did find the gold trimming on the jacket
of the man sitting next to me intriguing."

"Oh well, that's ok. She was there and that's really what matters." And
Faranth knew that secretly Biri had spent more time looking at the Stands
than he had at the Eggs in front of him. "I appreciate you bringing her."

Especially since they didn't show up at all last time... "I know it's
important to you."

**That sure didn't seem to matter before...** His eyes said it, but he
couldn't bring himself to say it aloud as he turned to bump noses with
Lyndi rather than look at her. It would only lead to a fight, and he
didn't
want that. Not in front of his daughter.

Her own eyes narrowed slightly as she watched him. She had seen the
expression on his face before he'd hurriedly looked away to Lyndi--she'd
seen it, and since she knew how his thoughts tended to turn, she knew
exactly what he was remembering. Shards. Guilt washed over her, swiftly
followed by a feeling of defensiveness. He had hurt her so deeply...how
could he have honestly expected her to just show up with Lyndi as if
nothing had happened? The silence that was beginning to stretch between
them was a strained one--she had to break it. In his silence he was
accusing her, and she had to defend herself. Nialyn cleared her throat.
"I...would have been there the last time, but...well...seeing how things
were between us, and Lyndi was so much younger--the harsh lights and noise
would have hurt her..."

"Of course," he muttered, choosing not to call attention to the obvious
lie. She had done it to punish him. He had known it at the time, and to
tell the truth it had surprised him that she could be that cruel. Nothing
he had done to her could possibly have deserved that. But he was trying
to be civil for all their sakes.

Her jaw tightened at his dismissal. Shells, she knew he wouldn't really
buy into that, but she didn't want to tell him the _real_ reason she
hadn't shown up with Lyndi. It would once again dredge up the same old
sharding arguments and she didn't want to get rolling. And now things
were stiff and awkward between them. The accusing silence was beginning
to stretch again--shards! "Will we ever get through one day without
having to face this, Biri?" she asked quietly, unable to hide the
frustration in her voice.

"I didn't say anything, Nia," he replied, trying to keep his voice light
so as not to upset Lyndi. She didn't need to witness her parents fighting
yet again. Children, it seemed, were excellent readers of their parents
moods and Lyndi often became upset when arguments erupted.

"You don't have to."

"Well, good, 'cause I'm not." He tried to smile despite the fact that
Lyndi already seemed to be picking up on their mood. Instead of laughing
and pointing at things like she had a moment before, she had stuffed her
fist in her mouth and turned to look at her mother. "Why don't you just
drop it?"

Temper flared. "Now wait a minute, I didn't--"

"Would you care to dance?" Biri blinked a couple times, surprised himself
at the words that seemed to instinctively flow from his mouth. He had
wanted to shut her up, but shards, that was what he came up with?

She stared mutely at him for a moment, just as shocked as he apparently
was. "Dance?"

Well, he couldn't take it back now or he'd look either the fool or the
ass, and he hated to look either one, especially in front of Nia. "Yes,
this is a party after all. I'm sure your mother's here. Maybe she can
take Lyndi for a dance?"

"Oh. Umm..." Nialyn glanced around, trying to gather her scattered wits.
"Yeah, I'm sure she's around." Well, she couldn't _not_ dance with
him--even if his offer was an excuse to interrupt her, to keep them from
breaking out into yet another fight. It would be the civil thing to do.

Last updated on the November 14th 2008

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Fear and Regret (1/2)