Torn

Writers: Dana, Eimi
Date Posted: 16th July 2008

Characters: Birigundi, Nialyn
Description: Biri comes to Nialyn's weyr to drop off Lyndi for the night, and things get awkward
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 11, day 4 of Turn 4

Birigundi

When she heard the knock on her weyr door, Nialyn's heart jumped into her mouth. She'd been dreading it all evening--and yet, on some perverse level, had been looking forward to it too. It sharding didn't make sense, but to sooth the insecurity she felt whenever Birigundi was around or came to call briefly, she had put on clothes that accentuated her slender figure. Tonight she wore a full length skirt that billowed out around her ankles and a sleeveless tunic that exposed her pale arms and throat. It had taken a long time for Nialyn to reach her ultimate goal of fitness since the birth of Lyndi, but she had finally reached it. It was annoying--she felt more secure about herself and her situation since reaching her goal, and yet whenever Biri was around.....

Swallowing a shuddering sigh of nerves, Nialyn mentally braced herself and opened the door.

He stood in front of her bouncing a giggling Lyndi on his arm and a bag slung over his shoulder. His eyes lifted briefly to Nia's but quickly turned back to his daughter. Looking at her was safer, somehow. "Look baby girl, here's your Mama. Maybe she can open the door so I can put this bag down cause its getting heavy."

Nialyn stood back, allowing him inside. "Were you a good girl, Lyndi?" Just like he didn't directly talk to her, she didn't directly ask him the question. It was easier for them both, she thought, to avoid speaking to one another for as long as civilly possible.

"She was perfect, weren't you," he smiled, giving the baby's cheeks a loud kiss, bringing a huge grin to the child's face. Biri glanced at Nia, his eyes not missing the way the fabric clung to her body. She looked beautiful. Shards, he hated that. "Shall we tell Mama what we did? We took a bath in the big bathing pool, didn't we. And you loooooved the water, didn't you." He tickled her tummy with a finger and was rewarded with a full throated laugh. Her big blue eyes sparkled just like her mother's.

She couldn't help but grin at Lyndi's reactions to her Papa. Shards did her daughter have a set of lungs on her. "She does love to have fun." Reaching out, Nialyn ran the tip of her finger down Lyndi's arm.

"Yeah she does," Biri agreed, but didn't know what more to say. That's the way it always seemed to go. He and Nia could talk about Lyndi, but once everything had been said, an awkward silence inevitably followed. He set her down on the floor and slipped the bag off his shoulders. The little girl sat at his feet for a moment, looked around and quickly decided that was not where she wanted to be. She looked up at her papa with pleading eyes and held her arms out to him once more.

"Now now, Lyndi love...." Nialyn crooned, bending down to scoop her up in her arms. "He's been holding you all day. Give him a break, hmm?" She glanced at Biri, trying to ignore the pang of regret. She pressed her lips to her daughter's silken hair. "Will you be seeing her in a couple days?"

"Definitely," Biri nodded, reaching out to touch his daughters tummy. She leaned towards him and reached for him once more, this time whimpering. "It's ok, baby girl, I'll see you soon."

It hurt to see Lyndi's face crumple. It hurt more than she thought it would--after all, she thought she'd be used to this by now. It happened most times he dropped her off here. Something in her reached out to her daughter....and she heard herself asking, "Do you...do you want to stay a little while?" The instant the words were out of her mouth she regretted them, and flushing, she looked down. He never stayed longer than he had to, but Lyndi wanted him to be here.

He held the tiny hands in his own, torn between wanting to stay and not wanting to stay any longer than he had to. It was always hard saying goodbye, and not just to Lyndi. He missed the nights when he stayed, playing with his little girl, tucking her into bed and signing her to sleep. But he missed Nia too. He missed touching her, looking at her, talking to her, kissing her... Staying just reminded him of everything he missed. "I wish I could but... I'm supposed to meet a friend later."

Jealousy pierced her. A "friend"....well, she knew perfectly well it was another woman. A sex partner. "Friend" was just a nice way of putting it. Images rose unbidden in her head--images of him touching another girl with those hands that had so tenderly held Lyndi, those hands that had touched _her_ so tenderly, and even playfully rough, in the night. Shards and shells. _This_ was why she had to keep her distance from him. Every time she tried with him she always got burned. She hadn't just wanted him to stay for Lyndi. She had wanted him to stay for her too. "Oh." Nialyn shrugged a shoulder, trying to feign indifference. "Well, that's fine. Maybe some other time." **Yeah, right.**

It kind of stung just how easily she shrugged it off. "Yeah, she's waiting for me right now, actually. But yeah, maybe next time."

The way he threw the word "she" in there just made her angrier. Keeping a tight leash on her temper and tone, Nialyn looked up at him. "If you want, you could see her tomorrow....even take her the whole night. I have plans with K'lar and, to be honest, I could use some alone time."

Birigundi's face registered his surprise. "K'lar?" That name didn't sound familiar... Just what kind of plans?

"He's a brownrider," she smiled, perversely enjoying the shock on his face. Well, if he was going to rub it in on her, she certainly wasn't just going to stand there and take it! Not anymore. "He's asked me to dinner."

He felt a tight knot in the pit of his stomach. If it were just dinner, why would she say he should keep Lyndi all night? Who was this K'lar anyway? But much as he wanted to ask, his pride wouldn't let him. So she was seeing another man. So what? It didn't matter anymore, he reminded himself. Not anymore. "Well, that's great! Sure, I can keep her as long as you need me to. I'm sure you'll need time to get ready and all. I'll come by and get Lyndi a little early. Not _too_ early, though, cause...
Well, I might need a little time in the morning and all." He couldn't help the dig. It might not matter to her anymore, but he had to reinforce the fact that he too had been meeting new people.

Well, shards. "You don't need to come until about the seventeenth candlemark." Sharding man. She knew exactly what he was doing. "I'll pick her up in the morning. Thanks, Birigundi."

"You don't have to hurry or anything," he assured her quickly, though he really hoped she would show up early. Biri shoved the idea that she might be spending a leisurely morning in another man's arms was almost enough to make him sick, but he refused to allow himself to think about it. At least not yet. He was sure as soon as he walked out that door the image would haunt him, but he couldn't show it to her. "But speaking of hurrying, I'd better get going."

He sure didn't seem to be jealous--and that irked her. Shards and shells.
"Bye." As soon as he was gone, she hugged her sniffling daughter tighter to her chest, hoping to Faranth K'lar wasn't busy tomorrow night.

Last updated on the July 16th 2008

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Torn