Don't forget me
Dragonsfall Weyr
Amber Hills Hold
Vintner Hall
Healer Hall
Hidden Meadows
Dolphin Cove Weyr
Dolphin Hall
Emerald Falls Hold
Harper Hall
Printer Hall
Green Valley Hold
Leeward Lagoon Hold
Barrier Lake Weyr
Sunstone Seahold
Citrus Bay Hold
Writers: Eimi, Paula
Date Posted: 13th February 2008
Characters: Birigundi, Rigella
Description: Birigundi comes to see off Rigella, who is moved to the healer hall.
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 8, day 25 of Turn 4
Birigundi carefully opened the door, unsure of what he would find on the other side. Rigella seemed to be calmly sitting on the edge of the bed, but he had learned that sometimes looks could be deceiving. Which Rigella would he be meeting today? The one in denial? The one lost in grief? The one that seemed almost like her old self. He never knew, but he felt it was his duty to visit her. After all, the reason she cracked her shell was as much his fault as hers. "Good morning, Rigella."
Rigella turned to look at him, but her eyes were dazed and empty.
The blank look sent a slight shiver down his spine. "How are you today?"
Naerella slipped into the room behind Birigundi. Her heart ached when she saw her daughter. "I think she's sedated," she told the young man.
Birigundi nodded quickly in agreement. At least, shards, he hoped that was not her natural state. Carefully he sat down next to her on the edge of the bed. "Do you think she knows?"
"Knows what? That's she is leaving today, to the healer hall?"
Naerella asked. She took Rigella's hand into hers and stroked it.
"Rige-love, I brought your things. I packed up everything from your weyr," she had to swallow back tears.
"I can help you carry it all down," Birigundi offered gently, knowing she probably couldn't carry anything for herself. She probably wasn't really listening to him anyway. He swallowed hard as he looked into her blank eyes, guilt welling up inside him once more. Birigundi couldn't help but feel responsible for her current condition.
Naerella took up a brush and started to brush her daughter's hair. It had been turns since she had last done it. "Let's make you look pretty."
Birigundi felt rather useless as he sat watching her mother run the brush through her hair. **Shards, what am I even doing here? She doesn't even recognize me.**
The familiarity of the brushing from her childhood somehow brought Rigella back from whatever abyss she had been. "Mom, do I have to go?" she asked with tiny voice.
"Yes, you have to. It's the best thing for you," Naerella said with heart broken voice and wiped a tear from her cheek.
"Biri, " Rigella continued, "I'm sorry this happened to us."
"Don't say that," he said, reaching out lay a hand on her knee. His throat suddenly felt very tight, and his chest ached as if his heart were about to break. "You did nothing wrong," he whispered, not able to manage more than that.
"But I did. I tried to kill him before he was born," Rigella said.
"Let's not get into that again," Naerella said sternly. She started to braid Rigella's hair.
"I'm not sorry for anything, I don't want you to be either." It was a lie. He was sorry for a lot. Biri was sorry that he hadn't told Nia from the start. He was sorry he couldn't keep Rigella's shell from cracking. He was sorry she had to go to the Healer Hall now. But most of all, he was sorry, and ashamed, for that fact that deep down he wished his son had never been born. Everyone's lives would have been so much easier if he had never been conceived in the first place, and that admission made him feel like the lower than a tunnel snake. What kind of father wishes something like that? What kind of _human_ can wish that? "I just want you to be happy now, Rigella. You deserve to be happy." **But not me...**
"I'm going to miss you, Biri," Rigella murmured.
He sniffed and pursed his lips to hide the way they were quivering in a most unmanly way. "I'll miss you too," he whispered looking away so she couldn't see his tears. Shards, he was supposed to be the strong one.
"Shards," Naerella murmured. She was crying. It was all so tragic and sad. Young love shattered by circumstances. She wondered if either of the young ones realized their own feelings or depth of them.
How had they come to this, Birigundi wondered. Guilt flooded him as he remembered the first night they had shared a bed - the night they had conceived their tiny son. She had wanted to forget her loneliness after the death of her father, and he had made her a promise. He had promised her that grief only got better over time. And yet he had just piled grief upon grief, for both of them. They had both lost too much.
A healer's head peeked in. "It's time. The dragonrider is ready to take her to the hall," he said.
Naerella pulled her daughter closed and held her in tight embrace for a long time.
Birigundi felt rather out of place as he watched her mother hold her.
He wanted to reach out to her too. They may not have been consistant lovers, but they had grown close towards the end. And he did genuinely care about her, despite how deep his feelings for Nia had been. Instead he just reached out to cover her hands with his own. He didn't even care that the tears he had been trying to keep in check were falling down his cheeks like rivelets.
Naerella finally released her and picked up Rigella's things. Rigella looked at Birigundi and her heart was on her eyes. "Goodbye, Biri.
Don't forget me," she asked.
Oh shards, did she have to look at him like that? "How could I _ever_
forget you?" he asked, reaching out to pull her close.
"The dragonrider is waiting," Naerella gently reminded. She hated to interrupt a tender moment.
Birigundi nodded and reluctantly let go of her. "I'll write to you," he promised, knowing Leaf could find her in an instant.
Rigella nodded but the the veil covered her eyes again. Naerella took her hand and escorted her out. Out where a dragonrider waited to take her away.
Last updated on the February 14th 2008