Two Loyalties

Writers: Eimi
Date Posted: 6th December 2007

Characters: L'rew, Finilia, Dorlaz
Description: A mother has to find the strength to let her son fly
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 7, day 1 of Turn 4

"Don't you walk away from me, boy! I'm your _father_! Did you hear what I said? I said you're not going!"

"I don't care what you said. That dragonman said I could go to the Weyr and _no_ one can stop me." "I don't care what some dragonrider says! You're _my_ son, not his!"

"You never let me do what I want to do! You didn't let me foster! You didn't let me craft! Well, you can't stop me this time! This time I'm _leaving_ and you can fall /between/ for all I care!"

"How dare you talk to me like that! I have done _everything_ for you!"

"Except let me live _my_ life! I am not going to waste it being some stupid, smelly old herder forever!"

"Just like that? You'd abandon you're family just like _that_? When you _know_ how much we need you here? Have you no sense of responsibility?!"

"You don't need me! A dimglow could watch a flock!"

"Managing a herd is not that simple, boy! You have to know their cycles, their feeding habits, their..."

"Blah blah blah! I've heard this lecture a thousand times before! Now if you'll excuse me, I have a dragon waiting for me."

"Hey, I'm not through talking to you!"

"Yeah, well I'm through _listening_ to you!"

"Just what do you think put food on our table? The clothes on your back? Herding ovine was good enough for me and my father and my father's father!"

"Yeah? Well, it's not good enough for me! And neither are you! Or your father or your father's father!"

Finilia winced, knowing just how straight that loosed arrow would fly into her husband, Dorlaz's heart. The fighting between the pair of them had only gotten worse over the last few turns. They were both just too much alike to ever see eye to eye. It was obvious her son was not happy here. A change had to be made. But he had no right to belittle a good man or his life's work that way. And so here she was, standing outside her door staring blankly at the bluerider as his lifemate, torn between two loyalties and not sure how she should feel. **How can I make him stay? How can I let him go?**

She tore her eyes away from the waiting pair at the sound of footsteps coming down the front stairs. Her son brushed passed her, too angry even to notice his mother standing there. "Lazarew?" she called after him.

He stopped in his tracks and turned slowly to face her. With a flick of his head he tossed the hair out of his round blue eyes, angry and guarded. "Its my right to go."

"I'm not stopping you," she assured him. Who was this young man, so full of rebellion and defiance? Where was the little boy who used to be filled with such joy and wonder? The one who used to throw his arms around her and his father with such loving abandon? Who wake up at dawn just so he could follow his father out to the waiting herd and would bring her flowers back from the fields? Was he still in there somewhere? Could he find he way out through all the bitterness and hurt?

And just what sent him into hiding anyhow? Was it something she had done? Had she failed him somehow? Did she not protect him enough? Had she protected him too much? Should she have stood up to her husband more? Maybe if she had explained their reasons a bit better, or championed her son's dreams a bit more... Was it too late? Could he and Dorlaz ever forgive each other after a parting like this?

She closed the distance between them, holding out a scarf, almost like a peace offering. "You'll need this to protect you from the cold. And you'll need to button your jacket. They say /between/ is even colder than winter."

When he didn't make a move to turn away she reached up and wrapped the knit cloth around his neck, like she used to do when he was a little boy, anxious to run out into the first fall of snow... calling to his father to hurry up and get his boots on so they could build a snowhold together.

"I'm better than this..." Lazarew muttered defensively, almost as though he felt he would have to fight her next.

But Finilia knew the battle was already lost. "I have a couple marks...
Just don't spend them needlessly. Who knows when you'll need them..." She pressed the coins into his hand, hoping he would understand that she was letting him go without a fight. When he was gone she have all the time in the world to hate herself for letting him slip away...

He looked down at marks in his hand, knowing how she must have been saving them up for a long time. "You know, you're too good for him," he murmured softly.

She knew he had meant them as a compliment, but his words were like a knife cutting at her heart. "Your father is a good man. He has always worked hard, always taken care of us, never raised his hand in anger to us... He has been more than good enough for me."

Her sons eyes flashed with the sting of betrayal. Of course she would take _his_ side. "In that case, you deserve each other." Without another look back he strode purposefully towards the dragonrider. "Can we just get out of here, please?"

Finilia felt her knees weaken as she took a few tentative steps after him. "Lazarew! Lazarew, please!"

He ignored her pleas as the bluerider helped to swing up and settle in between the dragon's neckridges. The boy looked anywhere but at her or the home he had grown up in as the safety straps were buckled around him.

"Lazarew, I only want you to be happy!" His mother watched in fearful desperation as the rider swung his leg over the great neck.
**Lazarew... Will I ever see you again?**

"Ma'am, you're going to need to take a couple steps back while we take off," the rider said almost apologetically.

"Lazarew... I love you..." Finilia whispered, watching her son through a veil of tears as she slowly stepped away. She could not see him clearly, but she was his mother. She knew his body language like she knew her own. He was crying. Shards how she ached to hold him. To wrap him up in her arms like she did when he was small. The tears fell from her eyes unchecked as she watched the blue launch itself into the air, flying higher and higher until it was just a speck in the sky. And then he was gone.

Last updated on the December 8th 2007

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Two Loyalties