Time to Go

Writers: Dana, Eimi
Date Posted: 31st July 2007

Characters: Traelyn, U'kaiah
Description: After the mess the night before, Trae and U'kaiah have to find a way to say good-bye
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 4, day 8 of Turn 4
Notes: This occurs while Trae, Nyith and the eggs are still at DFW before the Hatching

Traelyn shoved her fingers through her hair, holding it out of her eyes as the wind from a bronze's wings swept against her. Squinting past the whirling debris, she kept her eyes focused on Nyith, who sat back on her haunches in the Hatching Grounds, golden neck swinging from side to side in agitation. Once again the Weyrwoman sent her love and encouragement through their rapport, but the queen would not be soothed completely. This was, after all, the second time the males of her Weyr had to touch her brood and carry it halfway across the world. It tried the queen's patience as well as her mothering instincts bred into her generation after generation to allow them this, even though she knew it had to be done.

**That's right, dear heart. It must be done. Oh, now, love...please don't hiss.**

Nyith spread her large wings in reproach, but obeyed--reluctantly, of course. But not before she snapped at a bronze who landed too close to her. **Nyith!** Shards, Traelyn couldn't wait for this mental ordeal to be over. Keeping a tight leash on her dragon's emotions was affecting her, making her nerves dance nervously on the very edge. Suddenly she felt the air stir behind her, and she stiffened slightly. Mentally commanding her queen to behavior and obedience was a very big part of the cause for her being so uneasy, but it wasn't the only reason. The other reason was standing very close behind her, but not touching. He didn't dare, not after what had happened last night.

U'kaiah watched as the gold's eyes whirled in agitation. He knew by the knots in her shoulders, by the way her jaw tightened, by the very way she stood still and unmoving that this was hard on Trae. She was what was standing between this being a smooth operation an a disaster. A queen lost to their instincts could do a lot of damage in a rage. He was there as a Dragonsfall Wingleader if help was needed, and as Trae's friend if comfort was wanted. It seemed he was not proving useful in either capacity. The Dolphin Cove riders were efficient and experienced and Trae... well things had pretty much unraveled there. Sevendays of tender moments and heartfelt confessions all ruined in an instant. **Shards, I thought it was the men who were supposed to balk at talk of love...** He had misread that one. Perhaps he had misread the whole situation. He wasn't sure anymore.

And yet U'kaiah _was_ here, in the Stands. A part of her was shocked--no, more than shocked--that he'd come, and even more so since he wasn't standing far away, but very close to her instead. After the way she'd treated him the night before...shards, she didn't deserve it. It was humiliating to have him here, showing his support, willing to lend her comfort or strength. Traelyn ground her teeth in frustration, mentally cursing herself for her pride. She should turn around, or at least give some inclination that she knew he was there. But she couldn't. Or wouldn't. Maybe they were both one and the same.

The bronzerider was feeling like a sharding fool, just standing there. Perhaps he should go find a way to be useful. Or at least move away so he didn't look like Trae's little pet. But he was giving her a chance. She knew he was there. If she wanted him... all she had to do was turn and look at him. Just that little acknowledgment would be a start at least.

Shells, she was such a coward. Had she treated any other man the way she had treated U'kaiah the night before, she knew she wouldn't feel as half as confused as she felt right now. Or scared. Shards, Traelyn hated to admit that. She didn't want to admit that! With an effort she slowly released the clenched muscles of her jaw, watching as Nyith swept her tapering wings up in annoyance as a bronze once again got too close.
**Pride is your weakness, Trae,** a part of her berated. **If you ignore what's happening, the situation won't go away. You know that.** She did, but how could she make things right again? Especially since she didn't know what she wanted anymore?

They remained locked in an awkward silence until finally the last egg was lifted off the Sands and disappeared between. U'kaiah sighed. It was over. Time for her to go. "Well..." He didn't know what to say.

Steeling herself, she slowly turned around to face him at last--and knew she should have done so before now. She could see it in his eyes that she should have. The guilt she felt was terrible as they looked at each other. "I don't..." Her voice faded as she looked down.

There were so many ways she could end that sentence. 'I don't know what to say.' 'I don't know what happened last night.' 'I don't want to go.' 'I don't want things to end this way.' The answer to them all was the same, so he decided it really didn't matter which she had intended. "I know. Me too," he softly whispered, looking down at the piece of cold stone floor that separated them.

Slowly her boot filled that empty space as she came closer, hesitantly brushing her fingers against his arm. It had been an unconscious move on her part, but now that she had touched him she didn't want to let go. Not yet.

He reached out for her and gently pulled her close, his hand coming up to cradle her head against him. The bronzerider rested his cheek against the top of her head, wishing there was some way they could regain the loving tenderness they had shown each other for the past sevendays, the easy affection they had shared for even longer. They had taken a gamble. It seemed only time would tell if they won or lost.

She squeezed her eyes tightly shut. "I screwed things up."

"Naw," he said, trying to sound more positive than he felt. "We can fix this."

Her grip tightened slightly. "I hurt you," she whispered. Last night, today... Shards, she was an awful hypocrite. And she hated herself for it.

He shrugged slightly, his arms pulling her even closer. "We can start again."

**I'm sorry.** The words stuck in her throat, but the pressure of her fingers against him increased. Shards, what could be said now? Traelyn opened her mouth, but what she was about to tell him was cut off by a sharp bugle. Nyith had risen impatiently on all fours, long tail lashing as she threw back her head to look up at her rider. That split second of time was lost, and it was time to leave.

U'kaiah's grip on her slackened, even as her fingers dug into him, almost painfully. "You have to go." He could tell by the swirling of the great gold's eyes that she would not stand being separated from her Clutch any longer. But shards, there was still so much they needed to say. There were still so many questions and answers. They had spent sevendays together, and yet now it seemed they had too little time. "What happens now, Trae?"

"We'll see each other." Her low voice was almost fierce, and she made it more of a statement than a question. She couldn't question that. Her eyes flickered to his. She couldn't.

He had assumed as much. If nothing else he had believed they would always be friends. But that was not what he was asking, and he was sure she knew that. "What will happen to _us_?"

"Do you still...want..." She bit her lip against the rest of the question, silently berating herself for her cowardice.

"Of course I do," he quickly assured her. "I... My feelings for you haven't changed."

Meaning he loved her. She went very still, and her dark eyes were wide as they met his. And as she stared up at him, she felt that familiar sensation of insecure anxiety, and yes, even fear at the knowledge, zing through her--a painful reminder of why she had run from him last night. Traelyn knew she had to say something to him in reply--anything. And she had to do it now. But how could she speak when she felt so trapped? She forced her lips to part, wetting them nervously--and suddenly Nyith's trilling bark rang throughout the Hatching Grounds, making her rider start in U'kaiah's arms. The Weyrwoman both cursed and blessed the queen's timing. Tearing her hands away from his arms, she dared to glance up into his eyes again as her dragon continued to shrill impatiently. "U'kaiah, I--I have to go."

The bronzerider's hands slipped to her arms but he held her tight, ignoring the queen's angry call. He had to hear her answer. "Trae, do _you_ still want to?"

She stiffened. **I don't know!** Her heart pounded as she lifted her chin. "I have to go. I have to...I have to think. I have to go." Traelyn knew it sounded awful, and immature, but she couldn't respond in any other way. Shards, she felt so cornered... She tugged against his grip. "I have to go."

It was good as a resounding 'no' to the bronzerider's ears and his hands dropped. His face registered the hurt and shock as he took a step back from her. She didn't want him. She didn't love him. This had all been a very dangerous mistake. "Yes. You better go."

And for the second time in the span of candlemarks, she fled from him. Even the cold of /between/ couldn't ease the burning in her eyes...and it couldn't numb the awful pain inside of her.

Last updated on the August 2nd 2007

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