An Awful Hypocrite

Writers: Dana, Eimi
Date Posted: 26th July 2007

Characters: Traelyn, U'kaiah
Description: Trae decides she wants U'kaiah in her usual self-destructive way
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 4, day 7 of Turn 4
Notes: Notes: Follows "Indecision"
Notes2: This occurs while Trae, Nyith and the eggs are still at DFW before
the Hatching

Loud splashes of water slapping up against stone greeted Traelyn's ears as she curled up on a chair, and she knew U'kaiah had finally slipped into the bath. Wrapping her arms tighter around her legs, she rested her chin on her knees and glared out at nothing in particular.

She had used U'kaiah. Grimacing, she clenched her hands together. Of course, this really wasn't the first time she had used him to get an emotional release, but this was the first time she had used him physically. And it sickened her to realize that she had used him to forget B'ram. A wry smile suddenly lifted the corners of her lips. It was rather ironic that during the many nights before the hurricane, she had used B'ram to forget U'kaiah.

The faint smile died as his green eyes flashed in her mind. Sharding B'ram. Damn him for coming here. Damn him for making her feel this way.
She didn't want to want him. A slight tremor ran down her spine as her thoughts provoked memories of the night before to surface. She wanted to forget the intense expression on his face when he'd rolled to hold her above him; the way his hands had roamed her body, both tender and urging; the way he'd countered her snarls of anger by kissing her; the way she'd felt when she had stopped fighting him; the way she had finally given in to release.

Shaking her head, she closed her eyes. After, when they had laid there entwined between the furs, she'd realized how much she had missed him.

Damn him.

Traelyn's temper flared as the admission was made once again. Shards, she didn't want to miss him. Didn't want to want him. Didn't want to need him. She wanted U'kaiah. She wanted to want him more than she wanted B'ram. It was the way it should be.

But now...

Dark fire gleamed in her eyes as they fluttered open. No. Shard it--she would _not_ fall into that warped trap with B'ram again! She would not! Not when she knew U'kaiah was waiting for her at the end of a different road. Slowly she uncurled her legs and rose from the chair, turning to look in the direction of the bathing room. She could hear him moving around in the water, and then she heard him sigh. Something inside of her tightened at the sound.

There was only one way she could prove it to herself--and sharding B'ram--that she wasn't going to fall back into that twisted relationship again. When she went back to Dolphin Cove tomorrow, things were going to change. Lifting her chin, she untied the laces of her tunic and pulled it over her head, revealing a tight, slip of material beneath. Yes, she thought as she made her way to the bathing room, things were going to change.

~~~

U'kaiah's head rolled comfortably into the little stone niche that had been worn into the stone over turns and turns, his eyes closed. He cracked an eye open when he heard the rustling of the curtain. "Come to scrub my back for me?" he asked, a smile curving the corner of his lip. It was not unusual for her them to chit chat while one or the other was relaxing in the bathing pool. They even resisted the urge to peek, most of the time. He had never seen her looking at him quite this way though. His eyes opened slowly and his head turned to towards her as he watched her slide into the room. It wasn't the fact that she was only half dressed that caught his attention so completely. It was the naked desire in her eyes.

The look in them was almost feral. Then they caught and held his, gleaming as she saw just how much he was focused on her--and why. This was the side of U'kaiah she wanted to bring out. "If you want," was her low reply. Slowly her hands dropped to the hem of the top, tracing the edge.

His eyes traveled down her body to the hem her fingers teased so lightly. They moved slowly up to meet hers once more as all the flirty replies he could think of died on his lips. There was nothing coy in the way her lips were parted, the way her eyes smoldered. The bronzerider's body pushed off the stone and leaned forward, unconsciously drawn towards her.

Yes, she thought triumphantly, seeing the emotion she wanted him to feel darken his eyes. Interest would soon turn to arousal, and then they'd be on the same page. And she knew how to get him there. Sucking in a deep breath, she peeled the tight shirt off, exposing gilded skin. Her braid fell over her shoulder as she let the slip of material fall to the floor, and she watched as his eyes followed the plaited line. A knowing smile twitched at her lips as her fingers went to the button on her pants.

His breath caught in his chest as she slowly peeled the layers away. She was teasing him, toying with him. Faranth, but it was the sexiest thing he had ever seen. When his eyes slowly raised to hers he could tell by the heat of her gaze that she knew it and liked it. The days of taking it slow were most definitely over.

As the last layer slid from her body, she carefully slipped one lean leg into the steaming water, followed by the next. There was no hesitation in her expression as she waded to him. Her chin was lifted, almost in defiance, as she paused in the middle of the pool. He would have to come to her. Meet her halfway. He had to prove to her he wanted her just as much as she sharding wanted him. The look she gave him was inviting, and yet at the same time, challenging.

Considering the way his body was already reacting to her, it would have been hard to hide how much he wanted her - strong and rebellious, confident and sexy... shards, how could he _not_ want her! Rising to his feet, he closed the distance, reaching out to wrap his fingers around her waist and pulled her closer.

Her slender body folded into his, hands reaching out to mirror his own. His skin warmed to her touch as she kissed him. And it wasn't a tender, sweet kiss. Rather it was a deep kiss that hid nothing and expressed everything. She could feel his pulse start to pound faster, like the beating of a bronze's wings as he flew in answer to a queen's lusty challenge. Heat flushed her cheeks as their kisses grew more passionate--and she couldn't help but be reminded of the night, nearly a Turn before, when the same kind of heat had grown between them. But then they had ignored it, had pushed it back to easy affection. Now neither were hesitating to explore. _This_ was what she wanted--needed. It was _this_ fire burning through her she craved, not the flare B'ram brought out in her when he touched her.

....B'ram. Growling quietly against his lips, she shoved herself against him, pushing him back towards the wall.

The movement took U'kaiah by surprise and he reached back to brace himself against the stone edge, even as he pulled her closer into another kiss. Her lips seemed almost fierce in their determination. Every first time with a lover was a new experience. He always had to learn how they liked to be kissed, touched, aroused. Even so, he thought he had known her better. All of their kisses and touches until now had been filled with passion, longing, a shared depth of feeling and profound respect. But they way she kissed him now was none of those things. It was passionate and vigorous, but it was angry, demanding, more akin to a fight than to making love. He did his best to match her intensity, but it confused him at the same time.

A faint warning went off in the back of Traelyn's mind as one of her legs wrapped around his, but she didn't heed it, intent on driving away her thoughts of B'ram. She could sense him in the back of her mind. It was like catching glimpses of him out of the corner of her eye, but being unable to truly focus on him. Damn him for doing this to her, she thought, nails pricking U'kaiah's flesh. Damn him. She didn't _want_
B'ram to be there with her. She didn't want to need him anymore. She sharding wanted something with a man that wasn't warped by Turns of hate and months of being addicted to confusion and lies. But B'ram kept hovering there, just out of reach, mocking her attempts.

Frustrated, she slid her hands from U'kaiah's chest, down his arms to find his hands. Pressing her lips to the side of his neck, she linked her fingers with his, drawing his palms up her sides, placing them where B'ram had touched her. Shards, she wanted him to erase the lingering feeling of that sharding brownrider.

It wasn't that U'kaiah didn't want to touch her. Shards, he wanted to touch all of her, to learn every inch of her skin. But the way she pushing him, the way she wouldn't even look him in the face, it was almost as if it didn't matter who he was, just the fact that he was a warm body was enough. He'd slept with plenty of women he barely knew, but none of them made him feel like such a prime cut of meat. Maybe this was what Trae was like with the men she spent a one-night stand with, but U'kaiah certainly didn't want to be one of them. He thought they would be more than that!

His fingers slid along her skin until they were cradling her face. Pulling back, he lifted her face towards his. He wanted her to look at him. He had to see some recognition in her eyes. "Trae," he whispered, caressing her cheek softly, searching her eyes, "I love you." **And I don't understand this. I know you love me too...**

Guilt flooded her suddenly and forcefully, fueling the frustration that burned inside of her--and the anger. Her dark eyes flashed with temper--and clarity--as she gazed up at him, realizing just how awful a hypocrite she really was.

Love. He loved her. She should say it back. She wanted to say it back. But she couldn't. How could she, when she'd been using him? Something inside of her twisted painfully, and she closed her eyes, unable to bear the weight of his stare. She'd been using him like she'd used every other man she'd ever been with. Thoughtlessly. Selfishly. "No," she rasped. "No you don't."

It was certainly not the response he had expected. "But... of course I love you, Trae." It wasn't the first time he had said those words to her.
Why was she acting like it was such a shock?

Pain filled her and she shook her head. She hadn't wanted to use him, but that was exactly what she'd done! And more was at stake now than there ever had been. She shouldn't have used him--she should have found another way to deal with all of the sharding baggage instead of taking it out on him. It is what she always did with men. What she did with B'ram. All she ever did was take, take, take...use, use, use. How could he love her like a lover loves when he didn't really know her?

Traelyn's eyes snapped open as it hit her then how much he truly didn't know. "No," she snarled, pushing his hands away.

U'kaiah stood holding his hands up in stunned silence for a moment. This was not how this was supposed to happen. This was not how they were supposed to be spending their first night together. "What in Faranth's name is going on in your head, Trae? It's like I don't even know you..."

She bared her teeth in a bitter smile. "I don't even know myself sometimes, U'kaiah."

"Well, who does?" U'kaiah rubbed his face hard, frustrated in oh so many ways. "Should I have not said it? Is that it?"

"No, maybe not." The instant the words were out of her mouth she regretted them. But it was too late to take them back--just like it was too late to sharding take back everything she'd done--to herself, to B'ram, to him. Furious with herself, and torn with indecision, she pushed herself away from him.

It hurt. Shards, it was like a slap to the face! "Well, what did you think this was, Trae? Another one night stand? I'm sorry, I thought we were heading for more than that." It was cheap and cruel, but it was hard to think diplomatically when his body wanted one thing and his heart another.

**So did I.** She heaved herself from the bathing pool, water running down her body as she grabbed the nearest piece of cloth she saw--whether it was a towel or clothes, she didn't know. And didn't care. As she turned, she made the mistake of looking down at him--he hadn't moved. Shards, it hurt to see the pain and anger in his eyes as he looked back at her. Pain and anger that _she_ had caused. **What do I sharding want?** She swallowed thickly. **What am I doing?** Her lips parted slightly, but the words she wanted to say stuck in her throat. Shaking her head, she looked away like the scorched coward she was and fled.

Last updated on the July 29th 2007

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An Awful Hypocrite