Indecision

Writers: Dana, Eimi
Date Posted: 26th July 2007

Characters: Traelyn, U'kaiah
Description: U'kaiah is thinking of their last night together, but Trae's mind is somewhere else
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 4, day 7 of Turn 4
Notes: This occurs while Trae, Nyith and the eggs are still at DFW before the Hatching

U'kaiah glanced over in her direction. She was doing it again. Looking like her mind was a thousand dragonlengths deep into /between/, and he could see the muscles in her jaw tense, a telltale sign that something serious was on her mind. Trae had been like that all day. He wanted to give her space, but at the same time, he hated knowing that precious moments were slipping by so fast. Tomorrow she'd be gone... And then what?

As much as he hated to think it, these last days when they were together every day, holding each other every night... If he was truly honest with himself, he'd know that this was probably the one and only chance they would ever have until the day they either died or retired in which they would have that much time. From tomorrow half a continent would separate them, and as much as they told each other they were only a dragon thought away, they knew better. They had Threadfall, time differences, duties that would restrict their time together to only one day out of a sevenday.
Only one day... A sense of hopelessness would drift over him when he thought such things, but it was a reality they must face. But not today.
**Please Trae, not today...**

He gently took her hand, calling her back to him. They had to believe they could work through this. They _had_ to, or else these last days would be for nothing, and he just could not accept that. He kissed her jaw softly. "Don't clench your teeth, Trae. Everything will be all right."

She started. "What?" Then she glanced up at him, expression embarrassed, eyes guilty. "I was clenching my jaw?"

"Yes. It seemed your mind was as far away as the Red Star." He pulled her closer. "What were you thinking about, eh?"

Traelyn shrugged a smooth shoulder, trying to evade the question. What she'd been thinking about she did not want to tell him. Closing her eyes, she allowed her body to rest against his, but there was a stiffness in the way she held herself that betrayed her unease. She just couldn't get truly comfortable with him--not after the angry way she'd treated B'ram...how she'd given in to him...how she had enjoyed it. And she shouldn't have.

He wrapped his arms around her and held her silently for a few moments. "Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?"

"I'm fine," she murmured, turning her head to brush her lips against his in a kiss to prove it to him. But of course it was a lie. Shards, she didn't want him to press her. She didn't even want to think about B'ram--but how could she not? Their lovemaking last night had been reminiscent of the angry, guilty times...times when sex had been a play for dominance, a way to channel their frustration with their situation and with themselves. But at the same time, it hadn't been. There had been more to his kisses, her caresses...and that something more had caused a sharding ache inside of her. And she shouldn't have felt it. She didn't _want_ to desire him that way anymore. She was starting to build something new and strong with U'kaiah.

And so she deepened the kiss, hoping to lose herself in sensation so she wouldn't have to think.

Trae had never been good at opening up, even with him. He knew better than to push it. Instead he kissed her back, savoring their closeness. There wasn't much time left.

Scorching shells. Why did B'ram have to come to Dragonsfall? Traelyn turned in U'kaiah's arms, shifting to sit in a more comfortable position, lips drifting from his to press kisses to his jawline. Shards, B'ram could have waited to give her the box. **But, remember, he even admitted that bringing you the box wasn't his only reason for coming....**

She used U'kaiah's roaming hands as an excuse to softly snarl her frustration. Let him think that it was arousal. It was better than him knowing what the real reason was.

Traelyn squeezed her eyes shut again, feeling even more guilty for deceiving U'kaiah like this. He didn't deserve to be used to appallingly.
Sharding B'ram! Scorch him for making her feel this way. He could have waited. He knew she'd be back home in a few more days. But she knew his impatience, his fear. She knew it, and understood it.

Lifting her lips back to U'kaiah's, she let her hand fist in his dark curls.

"Shards, Trae, I'm going to miss you," U'kaiah murmured between kisses, his fingers tracing the skin along the small of her back. Faranth, he didn't want to let her go back to Dolphin Cove. Why couldn't they have met Turns ago when life was so much more simple? When Thread didn't fall and being a Wingleader meant little more than making schedules and drilling every once in a while? "I don't want you to go."

"And I don't want to leave," she whispered against his flesh. Shards, she was a selfish woman. A part of her didn't want to go back. When she saw B'ram on the Hatching Grounds, that feeling had intensified a tenfold. She didn't want to go back to him and their warped relationship. She'd been free here at Dragonsfall from all of that sharding emotional baggage surrounding their relationship. She hadn't understood how much she had taken advantage of that freedom until he had handed her the box, reminding her about him and what they shared...and their past.

Damn him for doing that to her. Damn him for slamming her back into reality.

Traelyn slid a hand beneath his tunic, but forced herself to keep it still on his stomach. She could feel the muscles tighten expectantly beneath her fingers. How could she and U'kaiah keep what they had started? Tomorrow she'd be back at Dolphin Cove...and B'ram would be waiting.
Pulling back a little, she stared down at the buttons on the bronzerider's shirt. He'd be waiting, and she wouldn't resist him. She'd had her chance, and had shot it to the Red Star. Shards, she hated herself for her weakness.

"It's all right, Trae," U'kaiah whispered, mistaking her pulling back for trepidation. He gently cupped her face and kissed her softly. "We don't have to rush anything."

"I..." **...want you.** Slowly her fingers curled and, steeling herself, she looked up into his eyes. The heated, tender expression in them very nearly snapped something inside of her. But she just couldn't say it. Saying it would be like writing it in stone. If B'ram had never showed his face here, Traelyn wouldn't have hesitated taking U'kaiah further. But now... She didn't know what to do.

"It's not our last night, Trae," he assured her in a low, loving murmur. "We will have many more nights after this, you'll see." The bronzerider gave her one more tender, longing kiss before pulling back. "I was thinking I could use a soak in the bathing pool anyway."

"Good idea," she teased, hoping it would cover just how self-conscious she was feeling.

"Are you suggesting I don't bathe enough?" U'kaiah asked with a smile as he brushed his nose against hers. He was glad they were back to teasing.

Closing her eyes, she brushed her nose back. How could she even entertain the thought of giving this up? Giving _him_ up? **I won't.** A small smile flickered at the corners of her lips. "And if I am?"

He gently pushed her to her feet. "Then I guess I'll just have take my time in the bath, if my lady wants it so."

Last updated on the July 29th 2007

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Indecision