Complicated...

Writers: Dana, Eimi
Date Posted: 21st June 2007

Characters: U'kaiah, Traelyn
Description: U'kaiah and Traelyn talk it out
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 3, day 27 of Turn 4

}:You don't usually think this much,:{ Kalamath murmured, turning a
worried eye on his lifemate. }:Your thoughts are loud.:{

**Too loud,** U'kaiah agreed. **And too confusing.** He was calming
down. The cold air was helping. Shards, why did he stop her? He
hadn't wanted a woman so much in so long...

The bronze was trying to be helpful. }:Nyith likes how you make her
feel. You bring her happiness. She makes you happy too.:{

**It's more complicated than that,** U'kaiah sighed, wishing it could be
just that simple.

Kalamath snorted. }:You would have been happy if you had kept going.
You wanted to, you know.:{

U'kaiah couldn't help but smile wryly. Just like his lifemate to try to
tell him what he was thinking, as if he didn't already know. **Well, we
just need to talk. We can't rush into anything. It's...
complicated...**

}:So you keep saying.:{ Kalamath breathed heavily. }:And now Nyith is
annoyed.:{

**I'm sure,** his rider sighed, turning back into the weyr. Trae was
sitting on the sofa, legs tucked up under her. He pulled the table that
was usually in front of the sofa out slightly so he could pull a chair
across from her. It was better to have this conversation face to face.

"Nyith's annoyed," she murmured softly as she looked up at him, a
faintly wry smile touching her lips. "With both of us."

"So Kalamath informed me," he nodded, sinking into the chair. U'kaiah
leaned forward and took her hands and cradled them in his, lightly
tracing their backs with his thumbs. "It's not that I didn't
want to... Shards, I wanted to... But I just can't stop thinking..."
Sighing once more he lifted her eyes to meet hers. "How long have you
felt this way, Trae?"

She shifting uncomfortably, and the only thing that kept her from
averting her eyes from his to help preserve what was left of her
shattered pride
was the way he held her hands. But that soft affection didn't keep her
from
squaring her shoulders, or from raising her chin. "If you're pitying
me, U'kaiah, I want you to let go of my hands...and let me leave now."
Shards, if she'd been mistaken about him, she couldn't bear to stay here
and endure his pity.

"No, love," he whispered softly, reaching up to caress her cheek with
the tips of his fingers. "I don't pity you. I _need_ you. On so many
levels its almost frightening. But what scares me the most is the
thought that if we act too rashly, I could lose you."

Now she did look away. "I don't want to lose you either."

"And you won't," he assured her, turning her face back towards his.
"But I need to know what you're thinking. You have to talk to me,
Trae."

One hand reached up, fingers almost hesitantly curling around his wrist.
"What do you want me to say?"

**I need you to tell me this can work...** "That first night was a
surprise
to me. Was it a surprise to you?"

"A little," she admitted quietly. "But...."

"But?" he asked, softly encouraging.

Again, she shifted uncomfortably. It wasn't that she didn't want to
talk to him--she did--but it had always been difficult for her to really
talk to a man about their relationship. And it was even more difficult
now, because it was U'kaiah.... "But that wasn't the first time I'd
wanted
to do that."

"It wasn't the first time I wanted to do that either," he admitted with
a sigh. "But I always thought you didn't... Well, I guess something
must have changed."

**Something has,** she thought, fingers tightening slightly. "I don't
want us to stop."

He felt like his entire insides flipped and he had to take a moment to
breathe. Shards, somehow, simple as it was, that was probably the
hottest thing any woman had ever
said to him. Leaning his forehead against hers, he closed his eyes. "I
don't want us to stop either, Trae. But this is something we really
need to think about clearly before we jump in." **Before someone gets
hurt...**

Tenderly she brushed the tip of her nose against his. "Isn't the woman
supposed to be promoting the thinking?" she teased gently, her tone more
normal than it had been, but still.... There was something in it that
hadn't been there before. Her expression sobered after a moment, and
she sighed a little. "You're right, of course. But shards, U'kaiah..."

"I know," he whispered, his fingers curling around her knees. "This has
been on my mind the last few days. It's just... shards, it's so
complicated. You and I have always been more than just friends, and I
know we can't be just lovers."

Personally, she agreed with him. Faranth, how many restless nights had
she tossed and turned though, trying to reconcile her desires with her
rational thoughts? U'kaiah had been right to pull away from her
tonight. She'd
been acting far too rashly, and she wouldn't have stopped to consider
what the consequences of those rash actions would be. But shards, she
had always had that problem, hadn't she?--act first, think later. But
now
that they were here together, talking... They could be both. They
could be
sure they'd be both. Her hands caressed up his bare arms, dark eyes
flickering to his. "We can start out slow. Very slow."

He nodded. It was a start, but not a complete solution. There were
other problems that they had even less control over. "I'm just... I'm
so afraid that you'd go back to Dolphin Cove and realize that with the
distance and time difference and all... What if one of us realized it
just wouldn't work? I don't think we could go back from that, you
know?"

"We couldn't. Not with everything that's between us. And what will
be...." She took in a deep breath. "But I want to try, love."

U'kaiah leaned forward to gently press his lips to hers. "So do I."

Last updated on the July 1st 2007

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