Pretending

Writers: Dana, Eimi
Date Posted: 15th June 2007

Characters: Traelyn, U'kaiah
Description: Trae and U'kaiah try to pretend nothing has changed
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 3, day 26 of Turn 4
Notes: Refers to converstations from "I Wouldn't Change a Thing" (m13d5),
"Lingering" (Turns End)

Things had been awkward between he and Trae, even though they both were
putting on a brave face, trying to convince the each other that it was
already forgotten. Of course they knew better, but it was better than the
alternative. And so U'kaiah was more than willing to pretend that nothing
had changed, even though he could feel the change every time they looked
at each other, every time they touched. Had she always looked at him like
that? Had her lips always curled so intriguingly and her hips swayed so
beautifully? Had her voice always sounded so soft and sweet when she said
his name? Had he just never noticed, or had he just pushed it to the back
of his mind for so long that it suddenly came as a surprise?

The bronzerider stood in the doorway of the Stands, half hidden in shadow.
Trae sat, watching her lifemate with that far off look in her eye that
told him they were having some conversation that only they were privy to.
When she suddenly smiled at some hidden joke, he didn't know what was so
amusing, but U'kaiah realized he was smiling right along with her. He
watched as she reached for a tendril of long, white-blonde hair, twirling
it around a finger absently, grinning at some secret thought. He wondered
what made her smile so. The bronzerider was half tempted to get his
lifemate to ask Nyith, but it was none of his business. What happened
between joined pairs belonged to them alone. He couldn't intrude on that.

But he had to take a deep breath as he could still remember how soft those
smiling lips were when she looked up at him with those smoldering grey
eyes, watching his face as she wrapped them around the knuckle of his
hand. Involuntarily he flexed the hand, imagining that cold heat still
burning his skin where her lips touched. But she hadn't just kissed his
hand... Shards. How could he forget that look in her eyes? And until he
did, how could he keep up pretending that nothing was different...?

Suddenly she shifted, probably to find a more comfortable spot on the hard
bench, and turned her head. Despite the distance between them, their eyes
met, and her own widened slightly in surprise to find him standing there.
Slowly her grin faded into a quieter expression as she slid her finger
from her hair. Traelyn raised a hand, fingers curling to beckon him
inside, and she spared a quick glance at her dragon queen to see if she
minded. Nyith rolled a glistening eye upwards to look at her lifemate,
and huffed contentedly. No, she didn't mind, just as Traelyn thought she
wouldn't.

U'kaiah had flinched inwardly when she looked up at him. He felt like a
kid again, getting caught watching through a peep hole in a Flight Room.
But he couldn't show it. Plastering a smile to his face he strode into
the Stands, giving a quick nod to the gold. "Sorry, I thought maybe you
two were having a private moment. I'm not disturbing, am I?"

"Oh no. I think she's done teasing me." Traelyn spared a fond glance at
Nyith before looking back up into his face. "For now, anyway." As she
patted the spot beside her--an invitation for him to sit--she wondered if
he could sense her nervousness. Shards, she hoped he couldn't. For Turns
Traelyn had been able to perfect a mask of bland indifference. She used
to be able to wear it with ease. Only when she was with him did she feel
it slipping, exposing her little by little. It was irritating.
Frightening.

"What is she teasing you about? Or is it too embarrassing to share?" He
slid into the seat she offered and stretched his long legs out, leaning
back against the stand behind them, arms crossed over his chest in what he
hoped to appear like a carefree posture.

"Oh, you know..." She shrugged a shoulder self-consciously, looking back
out towards her queen. It was easier than looking at him. "She was just
trotting out old stories of my youth just to get a rise out of me. She
can be quite frank sometimes, U'kaiah. It's almost appalling!"

"I want to hear some stories of your youth. Come on, tell me." He nudged
her with his knee, staring out across the Sands at the Eggs hardening.
**You can't start anything anyway,** he silently reminded himself.
**She'll be gone before too long. Don't forget that.**

A grin quirked at the corners of her lips as she pressed her hands against
her thighs. "I don't know if they're very appropriate. I was a wild
child..." She laughed suddenly. "But then again, look who I'm talking
to! Maybe you would find them very appropriate indeed."

U'kaiah snorted. "Oh come on, I was raised in a Weyr too. I think very
little would shock me. Shards, I could probably find a story to beat it."

"Probably," she agreed with a snort of her own. "All right... I'll tell
you one." Her expression turned impish when she glanced up at him. "If
you really want to hear it."

He shrugged a shoulder lazily. "Only if you want to tell it."

He wanted to throw the waterball back at her, did he? Well! She
certainly would catch it--and wouldn't disappoint him. Ignoring that
whisper of caution about how, considering their current situation, it
wouldn't be the wisest thing to do, she began her tale. "I was nineteen.
Already paired with Nyith, who'd flown her first mating flight a sevenday
before. I remember because I had this really sore love bite on my
neck..." She rubbed the tender place slowly. "It hurt like a sharding
Threadscore."

"Had many Threadscores to compare it to, have you?" he asked teasingly.

She wrinkled her nose at him, grinning. "It was the Turn's End
celebration. A few boys had come up from the Hold--in secret, no doubt.
But as you can imagine, their secret didn't stay a secret for long in the
Weyr." Her dark eyes flashed with mirth. "One of them had been the Lord
Holder's youngest son. He, of course, was in over his head with us
dragonriders, but his pride wouldn't let him admit it, or let him back
down from the challenge I gave him."

"A challenge?" U'kaiah asked almost absently. His mind was flashing back
on a Turn's End challenge too... **'Kiss for luck?'** And a green dress
with a gold embroidered dragon shining in the moonlight, the sound of
waves crashing on the beach... **'You're not scared are you?'** And her
nose brushed against his, like it had just a couple nights ago. **'You're
very intimidating, Weyrwoman. I'm a shy boy'**... Shards, she looked
beautiful in the moonlight...

"Mmmhmm. He wanted more than just kisses, but was too shy, or too
inhibited by those sharding Holdbred morals of his, to initiate. So _I_
initiated. _I_ challenged. A woman challenging him? There was no way he
could live peacefully with himself if he let me have the upper hand
completely. He was a Holdbred male, after all. I'd pricked his pride.
So he followed me into one of the many deserted corridors of the Weyr
without argument."

U'kaiah could imagine following a beautiful young woman in that sharding
gorgeous green dress. And he could remember the first time he had seen
her in it too. He could just picture her in a quiet bedroom, smiling,
running her hands down the sides of her dress to her hips, his jaw almost
dropping... **'So I get a man's approval then?'** And then looking over
her shoulder at him. **'Lace me up?'**

"And there I showed him how a real young woman could be. I didn't simper,
and I wasn't modest. His fingers fumbled so clumsily with the laces of my
bodice that I had to unlace it for him, bit by bit, exposing all of the
skin here." She ran her fingers across the slight swell of flesh, a
small, knowing smile touching her lips as she glanced at him. "When the
dress started sliding off my shoulders, I knew I had his complete
attention, and he didn't waste much time." Her voice was low, intimate.
"But I made him slow down, made him work for it, made him _want_ to work
for it."

His eyes watched her fingers slide across fabric, but his mind was still
in the past. **'Unlace me? I don't think I'd be able to do it myself.'**
And he brushed that soft, long blonde hair over her shoulder. It tickled
his arms, he remembered. **'I'm more experienced in _un_lacing
dresses.'**

Shards, and how she wished she could make U'kaiah see how much she wanted
him to want her, like that Holdbred boy had so long ago. She wanted him
to fumble with her laces, wanted him to caress her cheek and kiss her...
She wished she could make him see that she wanted something more from
him...wanted to _be_ someone more to him. **It wasn't just a moment of
drunken lust, U'kaiah,** she thought, watching him watch her. It hurt to
pretend that it was.

His eyes flickered up to hers as words echoed in his ears. **'Do you ever
wonder, Trae, what might have happened between us if...' 'What, if we had
become lovers?'** They had never talked about it before that day. It was
so strange for them to have said it out loud. **'You were right, you
know. To push me away. To end it before it could ever happen.'** he had
said, and she agreed, **'You're right. We wouldn't be here today, I
think'.** What would her answer be if he asked that question now? Now
that they knew what they knew, and had felt what they had felt... Would
her answer be the same? Would his? He opened his mouth, the question on
the tip of his tongue, not sure what answer he really wanted to hear. But
fear stopped his mouth. Fear of losing her. Fear of change. Fear that
they already had gone too far...

Finally he broke the uncomfortable silence growing between them. "I'm
sure it was a Turn's End he never forgot."

She forced a grin, but it was completely at odds with the meaningful
expression in her dark eyes. "I hope he wouldn't want to forget it. I
have my share of pride, too, you know."

"I'm sure he wouldn't," he said, managing a smile and then quickly looking
back out over the eggs, afraid she'd see his thoughts in his eyes. **I
know I won't...**

Last updated on the June 19th 2007

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Pretending