Something More

Writers: Dana
Date Posted: 2nd June 2007

Characters: Traelyn
Description: Traelyn reflects on N'vanik and B'ram, and comes to the decision that she might be ready for something more with someone else....
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 3, day 21 of Turn 4
Notes: Follows "Drifting"

The cold bite of the stone stung the palms of her hands as Traelyn pressed
them flat against the wall. It was dark in U'kaiah's weyr, very dark.
And silent, the stillness only broken by his deep, rhythmic breathing
coming from the direction of his bedroom. It sounded like he'd been
asleep for a while, and shards...she wished she was too. With a sigh,
Traelyn leaned back against the wall, resigned to the fact that it would
be a while before she'd be able to lose herself in sleep as easily as he
had. Her thoughts were far from quieting down. Those sharding,
tumultuous thoughts that had been whirling about in her mind ever since
she'd risen from N'vanik's bed to make her escape.

And it had been an escape, as much as here pride hated to admit it. She'd
needed to escape from the nearly tangible awkwardness that had stretched
between them as she hid her body beneath clothing. It was her way of
distancing herself from the situation so she could block out the hurt.
And she shouldn't have felt rejected by him leaving--shards, they had both
known that they had drifted past a point of no return. Even when they'd
rolled between the sheets she could sense his distance, and her own. But
still...after having such a conversation with him, she'd thought that he
would've wanted to stick around for just a little while longer so he
wouldn't have completely come off as an insensitive arse. A wry smile
curved her lips, and she turned her head to the side, pressing her cheek
against the chilled stone. But it was N'vanik. She should have known
better than to expect any subtlety.

But more than wounded pride, maybe it was the look on his face when he'd
mentioned Talryne that had made her so uncomfortable, that had prompted
her to draw away from him, both physically and emotionally, so quickly.
It had been unnerving to see that particular look in a man's eye again.
The last time she'd seen that expression, she'd seen it reflected in
L'kub's youthful face when they'd been no more than weyrlings, just coming
into adulthood. And all those Turns ago, that look at been directed at
her. It had just been...well, it had just been rather surreal to see it
again.

Shards. With a sigh, Traelyn straightened and kicked off her boots.
Leaving them in a heap by the door, she made her way silently to U'kaiah's
bedroom, and she paused before sitting down to look at him. Just look at
him. And she couldn't help it as a slow, genuine smile spread across her
lips. It didn't seem possible that a grown man could seem so innocent
when sleeping, but this bronzerider was able to pull it off very well
indeed. He lay sprawled over the bed, face half-buried in the pillow he
clutched to himself. One leg was thrown over the edge, pant pushed up to
his knee to expose his calf. He had very nice calves, Traelyn thought
absently. And suddenly she felt the urge to run her hand lightly over his
skin, slide it up over his knee to his thigh. She wanted to cuddle up
next to him. She wanted to sharding bury her face in the side of his neck
and kiss him there. She wanted to feel his pulse beating beneath her
lips.

Shaken, Traelyn sat down. This wasn't the first time she'd felt the pull
of desire for him, but shards... She crossed her arms over her stomach.
She just hadn't been expecting to feel it, especially now. But seeing
that look on N'vanik's face... It had woken something inside of her.
Something she'd been trying to push down for so long now that it was a
reflex to brush it aside--to deny that she wanted it. Needed it.

She wanted a man to look at her like that again.

**B'ram had looked at you like that. Well, almost like that. More than
once.** Traelyn shook her head, brow creasing. But he'd been looking
down at a memory, seeing her as Atreyn. When they made love now, his
expression was different because he was looking at _her_, seeing her as
who she was, and accepting her. Not Atreyn. Not anymore. And even
though there was comfort to be found in that...it just didn't cut it.
Traelyn realized that now. It just wasn't enough.

Tilting her head, she looked down at U'kaiah again, a strange expression
crossing her face. For Turns now she had kept a part of herself aloof
from most men. She had sheltered and protected that vulnerable part of
herself. It would be a struggle to stop hiding. But if she was ready...
Softly she reached out, touching her fingertips to U'kaiah's arm. Could
she really be ready for more? To have a man look at her with that
expression on his face...she would have to be willing to open herself up,
to have a man know her as intimately as B'ram did, but without all of that
sharding pain and guilt smothering her, infecting the relationship.

If she wanted U''kaiah to look at her with that expression, she'd have to
be ready for something more. **And I can't screw it up. Not with him.**
He meant too much to her.

Shifting, Traelyn slid out of her pants and crawled over to him. Then she
eased down, moving until she was pressed snugly up against his chest.
Glancing up into his sleeping face, she reached out and settled her hand
on his skin, fingers softly rubbing. There was her usual affection in the
touch, but there was also something more. Closing her eyes, she leaned
forward and brushed her lips against him.

Something more...

Last updated on the June 2nd 2007

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