What If She Couldn't?

Writers: Dana, Eimi
Date Posted: 8th January 2007

Characters: Birigundi, Nialyn
Description: A playful evening turns serious
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 1, day 18 of Turn 4

Birigundi

"You know, it sure doesn't _feel_ like your breasts are full of milk,"
Birigundi chuckled as he nuzzled Nia's neck.

Laughing, she turned her head to look at him out of the corner of her eye.
"What, they don't feel heavier to you?" she teased, blushing.

"Oh no, they do." He nipped teasingly at her ear. "And bigger too. But they don't slosh around at all."

"Breasts aren't supposed to _slosh_, Biri," she snorted, her blush spreading down her neck. "Does that disappoint you?"

"It intrigues me more than disappoints me. I think I shall have to continue my experimentation until I can find a word that properly describes it."

Her laugh died, fading into a sigh as she leaned her head back against him, letting his hands continue to roam over her as they would. "Any words come to mind yet?" she asked, her voice a little breathless.

"Besides wonderful? No," he murmured in her ear, his voice tinged with a hint of growing desire.

Nialyn noticed the sudden rough edge in his tone, and she closed her eyes.
She didn't want him to stop--it felt so sharding good--but she didn't want him to be too far gone. Shards. "Biri..."

"I know, I know." And yet his hands didn't stop wandering. "But you know, it doesn't _always_ bring labor on. I mean, I'm sure it would take a couple tries to have much effect..." He knew they had agreed not to make love, just in case it really _could_ bring on labor as some people said. But that was a sevenday ago, after the false alarm when he started spending every night in her weyr to be there just in case her labor really started in the middle of the night. And Shards it was hard to just lie there next to her every night and _not_ touch her!

"You think so?" she asked, moaning a little as his fingers found a particularly sensitive spot. "I don't--I don't know...." The fact that he still wanted her--even now, when she was so heavily pregnant--helped ease some of her uncertainty about how he felt about her, and how he would feel about her once the baby was born. Added to the fact that he was staying with her each and every night to take care of her helped ease her fears, and sometimes--like right now--she wondered _why_ she feared so much. But it was always easy to forget her reasons when the lights were turned down low and when his body was pressed so deliciously against hers.

"We could be creative..." Just in case it was the pressure of his body that would cause the labor to start.

"Shards, Biri." She didn't want to stop either. Not tonight. She caught one of his hands in hers, fingers linking with his. "Just as long as we're careful."

---**---

His body felt so languid and relaxed. Birigundi just lay on his back, not quite asleep, not quite awake, just enjoying the feelings their lovemaking had created in his body. A soft sound filtered into his fuzzy consciousness. He quickly tried to push it away, too comfortable to be curious. But the sound continued and realization unclouded his brain. It was crying. She was crying. "Nia?"

The sniffling stopped abruptly, and she tried to hold back a shaking sob--but it came out as a hiccup instead. **Damn it.** Squeezing her eyes shut, she pulled the extra pillow tighter against her chest. She hadn't wanted him to see her cry. Sharding hormones... Sharding fears.

He rolled over and gently wrapped an arm around her. "What is it? You don't... feel any pain, do you?" Could it really have started her labor? A small chill filled him. Maybe they shouldn't have done it!

She shook her head, wishing with everything she had that he could be asleep.

He closed his eyes and thanked the Egg it wasn't that. "Then what is it?"
he asked softly.

Nialyn shook her head. "It's stupid," she whispered.

"Whatever it is, you can tell me," he assured her, pulling her close to him. "What's wrong?"

She hesitated. "I don't...want things to change."

Well, it was a little too late to do anything about that. Birigundi sighed and kissed her ear softly. "But a baby, that's a _good_ change, isn't it? I mean, I know your life will be different, but you're going to be a wonderful mother..."

"No. It's not...it's not that, Biri." Shards, she knew she should have kept her mouth shut.

"Then just tell me what it is." If there was one thing Birigundi hated when it came to dealing with women it was guessing games.

Nialyn closed her eyes, wiping her cheeks. "I've liked you being here with me. Staying with me during the nights. I didn't know how much I hated being alone until now." The words came tumbling out of her, and she wished she could have just kept them inside of her, unspoken! She didn't want to sound weak. She didn't want to sound needy. But Nialyn couldn't help the way she felt. She just couldn't.

Shards. What could he say to that. "Well, I might not be here every night, but I'll stay with you sometimes. I _want_ to stay with you after the baby's born. I just can't do it every night. I... like sleeping with someone too."

It was the answer she knew he'd give her. So why did it still sharding hurt? Swallowing past the lump in her throat, she nodded, not trusting herself to say anything more.

"Come on, Nia. Don't cry. Everything will be fine, you'll see." He squeezed her gently, nuzzling her hair, trying to think of what he could say or do to reassure her. But what could he do? Promise that he'd be there every night? How could he promise that? What about his other friends? His other lovers? And then there was Rigella... But he _would_
come to her, every chance he got. Nia was undeniably special to him. She wasn't just a lover, she was his friend. And the mother of his child. "I promise I will come to you, Nia." That's all he could promise...

**Just not every night.** Silently she leaned back against him, knowing that she had to accept it. She would never be content until she did.

But what if she couldn't?

Last updated on the January 9th 2007

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What If She Couldn't?