Too Soon

Writers: Eimi, Bree
Date Posted: 2nd November 2006

Characters: D'cal, Renner, Zanie
Description: Zanie has a rather unsettling question for Renner.
Location: Elsewhere on Pern
Date: month 13, day 25 of Turn 3

The bluerider reached up to help his passenger down. "Just remember, I have to be back to the Weyr in a couple candlemarks," D'cal said as he helped Zanie out of her riding jacket.

"I know." Zanie leaned in to kiss D'cal's cheek gently. "Thank you for bringing me again."

"It's all right," he said with a small smile. "I'm sure he's happy to have a visitor. I know I'd like to know I wasn't forgotten." Though D'cal wondered if anything would have been different if Zanie _had_ been able to forget Renner.

"If you want to leave and come back, I don't mind." Zanie pulled back and smiled at him. "You don't have to sit around and get bored."

D'cal shrugged. Dyaera didn't expect him until dinner anyway. "Well, I'll just go for a swim down on the beach with Aosorath. Come find us when you're ready."

Zanie waited long enough to wave at D'cal as he climbed back onto Aosorath's back, and was on her way up the steps and into the building before the blue even had time to take off.

She found Renner in his room, and peeked her head around the doorway without knocking. "Care for a visitor?"

"Zanie!" he cried, an actual grin spreading across Renner's face. "Come in!" Zanie nearly tripped over her own feet hurrying across the room to throw her arms around Renner. "I told you I'd come back soon!"

"Yes, you did." His arms wrapped around her and held her tightly. "I didn't know you'd come _this_ soon. I'm glad you've come."

The little knot of tension in her shoulders eased as she relaxed against him. "I'm glad I got a chance to. I miss you a lot, Renner."

"And I miss you..." He reveled in the moment briefly before pulling back enough to look down into her face. "How are you? How is everything?"

Zanie shrugged, not wanting to admit that her performance in some of her advanced studies had slipped. "Things are moving along. I've been teaching more of the apprentice classes... I'm pretty good with the young students."

"I could see that about you," he smiled fondly as he pulled them both down to sit on the edge of his bed. "And the pod? How are they?"

"The same. I haven't been swimming as much in the mornings anymore, though..." She hadn't been swimming much at all, lately, but she didn't want to admit that. "I don't like doing it alone."

"They don't let me swim much here." In fact, he had never been allowed to swim. "I miss it."

"Well, when you get back, we'll swim every morning again. And you can keep an eye on me and make sure I don't do anything stupid." Zanie slid an arm around Renner's waist and leaned into his side. "I meant what I said before, you know. I'll be there for you. With you. All the time."

"I'd like that. I think I'd need you to be there to keep me from doing anything else insanely stupid," he sighed, wrapping his arms tightly around her. "I'm so very sorry for all I've put you through."

"Renner?" Zanie shifted enough so that she could meet his eyes. "Can I ask you a very, very inappropriate question?"

"You know you can ask me anything," he replied, his eyes growing just a little bit wary despite his words.

Zanie cleared her throat and then blurted out the words before she could think too much about them. "What would you say if I asked you to marry me?"

Renner stiffened slightly. "I'd say that, as flattered as I would be that you would ask me, it really is not a good idea. I... would not be able to make you happy, Zanie."

"You already do." Zanie shifted a little uncomfortably. "Yes, there is usually a little more to it than that... but that's not--I mean, that's not the most important thing. Not right now. I just want to be with you without the Hall being upset with us."

"That's not a reason to be married to someone, Zanie. Especially not someone with as many problems as I have," he reminded her gently. "Its not to say that I wouldn't be lucky to have someone like you, I just mean... You need to have a _real_ husband. One who would be good for you."

"And who gets to decide _that_?" she demanded a bit testily. "Who gets to decide what's _good_ for me?"

He pulled back slightly. "Well, I would hope you would trust me when I say that I would not make a good husband."

"Why?" Zanie insisted. "Do you know what I want in a husband?"

"Not really," he conceded.

"Exactly." She turned to look away from him, looking terribly uncomfortable now. "But if the idea is _that_ terrible, then we might as well stop talking about it."

He shook his head emphatically. She was taking this the wrong way. "It's not that the thought of marrying you is a _terrible_ idea, Zanie. It's just... I'm just not ready to talk about it yet."

"To talk about what? About marrying me?" she asked, still not looking at him. "About the future. I just can't think that far ahead yet." And there were things he just wasn't ready to reveal...

"I understand." An awkward silence stretched out between them as Zanie tried to think of something else to say to erase some of the humiliation she felt. She'd blurted out something absurd in a moment of weakness, and now she felt like a fool.

"So how is your bluerider friend?" R'mer asked, half to break the silence and half to find out if they were still seeing each other even now.

Zanie shrugged. "He's fine, I guess. He's joined the fighting wings, now, so he doesn't always have time to visit. But he brought me to see you today, which was nice."

"Are you..." He couldn't believe he was about to say this... "You know, you looked really happy with him. When he came to visit you, and when you were visiting him."

The irony made Zanie want to laugh. All the time she'd spent worrying that Renner didn't care for D'cal... All she'd had to do was make Renner worried that she might be interested in _him_. "It didn't really work out," was all she said out loud.

"But why?" he asked, rubbing her shoulder in a comforting gesture. "You both seemed to really enjoy each other." Way too much...

Zanie cast him an annoyed look. "I don't _know_, Renner. It just didn't work. And I don't want to talk about it."

"I'm sorry, Zanie," he said, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close. "You you'll find someone, Zanie, who can make you happy. The way _he_ made you happy."

"I hope not," she retorted. "I'd rather find someone who makes me happy the way _you_ do."

"Yes, I'm sure I've made you very happy." Renner let he go and walked over to the window. Shards, how could he explain it to her. He leaned his hands against the window sill. "I'm sure I made you so happy when I got angry at you for no reason, when I tried to kill myself. I obviously made you deliriously happy when I got sent away from the Hall. I seem to be incredibly talented at making you happy."

"All of that, and I'm still here," she replied quietly. "But I said I'd stop talking about it, and I will. I'm tired of hearing you make excuses, anyway."

"It's just too soon, Zanie. We will talk about it." **I will explain...** "But its just too soon."

"I understand," she lied. And with that she would have to be satisfied. At least, for now.

Last updated on the November 5th 2006

Welcome to Triad Weyrs!

Too Soon