Where Do I Fit In?

Writers: Eimi, Paula
Date Posted: 31st October 2006

Characters: Birigundi, Rigella
Description: Birigundi decides he and Rigella should have a talk
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 13, day 22 of Turn 3

Birigundi

Birigundi knew he had to talk to Rigella. They had to decide what to do. More precisely, _he_ had to decide what to do. He had already decided that he could not tell Nia about the baby, at least not until after she had _her_ baby first. But just what would his role be in the pregnancy and the life of his child with Rigella? What did Rigella expect from him? And just how much was he willing to give, when he felt he was already giving his all to Nialyn?

"Now you are all shiny and green," Rigella told her flit and lifted the just oiled firelizard against her face. She licked her nosetip and Rigella giggled.

"Rigella?" Birigundi asked as he peeked his head through the door.
Apparently she hadn't heard his knock.

"Oh, Birigundi, hi. I didn't hear you, was oiling Fellis Leaf, get in,"
Rigella said and gestured him inside. She realeased the flit who flew to perch on her bookself.

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to bother you," he said apologetically as he closed the door behind him. "Do you have time to talk?"

"Yes I have," Rigella replied. "Toss me that towel please?"

He found the towel drapped over the back of a chair and brought it to her. "How are you feeling?"

"Pretty well considering, " Rigella replied and wiped her hands into the towel. "How about you, have you gotten past the shock?"

Birigundi decided to ignore the question. There was no truthful and safe way to answer it. "We have a lot to talk about."

"Yes, we have," Rigella agreed and put the towel away. She steeled herself. This wouldn't nessessary be a pleasant talk.

She could remember how her family had taken the news. Her mother had been all quiet and thoughtful while her siblings had been shocked.

"I don't want Nia to know. At least not until after she has her baby.
This isn't her fault, and it's... well, its going to hurt her." Of course she would have to find out eventually, just... not yet...

"Well, she won't hear it from me if that's what you mean. But the word spreads and people gossip. There's no guarantee that she doesn't hear it from someone else," Rigella replied. She could actually understand his reguest. As she could unstand the reactions from her siblings when she had told who the baby's father was:

~*~ Flashback ~*~

"Birigundi!" Naerigga cried. "You say you've been involved with HIM!
Faranth, he's screwed!"

"No, sis, you're wrong. He's the one doing the screwing, Rige's the screwed one," Naemor corrected her almost smugly.

"Stop right there, I will not listen such language at my diner table,"
their mother interrupted.

"But she started it!" Naemor whined.

"And you just had to continue it?"

~*~

"At least until the baby comes, that's all I'm hoping for," Birigundi sighed. He knew there was no hiding it forever. "The baby will come next month, I think I can hide it from her until then."

"Well, that shouldn't be impossible. I don't show much belly yet and I've gotten off lightly with the morning sickness," Rigella said.

"You mean, you've been pregnant for a while?" Nia didn't start the morning sickness until her second month. "So then, it was from our _first_ night?"

"Yes, it had to be, otherwise the math don't match," Rigella said with crooked smile. "It only takes one time."

First nights seem to be dangerous for Birigundi. "So what do we do now?"

"I don't know. _I_ go on with my life normally, or as normally as the 'little accident' allows me," Rigella said and patted her belly.

"And where do I fit in?" That was really the part he was wondering.
Just what did she want him to do in all this? With Nia it had been easy. It had been cut and dry. Her eyes had practically begged him to help her, to stand by her. Rigella was unreadable.

"I don't know," Rigella admitted with a sigh. "It's up to you, really, where do YOU want to fit in?" Her own feelings were confused. Part of her wanted him close, wanted HIM, the other part wanted to prove she could do it all alone.

He shrugged slightly. None of it felt real yet. "I really don't know either, Rigella. I mean, I know the baby is mine, but I don't know what... what _we_ are."

"I don't know that either," Rigella said and stared her hands.

"You know I honestly can't say that there _is_ an us. At least, not in a monogamous way. I mean, I have Nia. Not that I have her in a monogamous relationship either," he quickly corrected, "but I can't commit to only one of you, you know. I mean, if that's what you were hoping for..."

Well, that was exactly what Rigella hoped for but she was not going to say it out loud. Her fingers clenched around her knees.
"I was looking for a moment of forgetfulness in your arms, and I got that and the little accident too. I can't held you responsible for what was my choice. You have been a wonderful, supportive friend during my time of sorrow and I'm eternally grateful for you of that. I don't expect any commitment from you. You are welcome to have a part in my life and in the baby's life, but if you don't want it, I don't cling to you. You're free to go."

She had tears in her eyes, shards, those words hurt. But she remember something her mother had said: "Sometimes the greatest act of love is to let go." Did she love him? Perhaps, or maybe it was just physical desire. She didn't know.

Her tears didn't go unnoticed and he felt a stab of guilt. He didn't mean to suggest he wanted to be released from their relationship, he just wanted it to be clarified! "Well, I didn't say I didn't want to be in the life of the child, or in your life. I mean, this doesn't mean we're not friends anymore just because you'll have a baby. I'll still be here for you. I just need you to understand that I need to be there for Nia and our baby too."

"Thank you," Rigella said and managed a shaky smile. "I would like the baby to have a father. And I don't really have too many friends to lose a one. But I do understand that she needs you more than I."

"Well, right now, yes," Birigundi nodded. "The first few months, there's really nothing that I can do except be a easy target for your hormones. Nia's needs are a bit more immediate. But that doesn't mean I won't be there for you when you need me to be. We just... need to be a little careful until Nia has her baby."

Rigella nodded.

"Come here," he said gently, putting an arm around her. Birigundi wasn't sure why all this was happening, or just what was going to happen, it was obvious Rigella still needed him. She was still his friend, and just as important, the baby, whether he had planned on it or not, was still his. "I'm still here for you, Rigella. I promise."

"Thank you, Biri," Rigella said thru the lump in her thoat. "You really are a wonderful person and I regret I missed two turns not noticing it."

"Yeah, well," he said, feeling a bit surprised by the compliment, "you know, you turned out not to be so bad yourself."

Last updated on the November 1st 2006

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Where Do I Fit In?