I Know You...

Writers: Dana, Emma
Date Posted: 23rd September 2006

Characters: U'kaiah, Traelyn
Description: U'kaiah remembers a time when he thought Trae truly knew him...
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr, Elsewhere on Pern
Date: month 13, day 15 of Turn 3

U'kaiah sat with his legs dangling over his ledge, cup of klah in hand
as the morning rays peaked over the distant mountains. He was watching
the swath of sunlight travel down the cliffside, drawing a distint line
between dawn and morning.

}:You're up early,:{ Kalamath said as he stretched his long neck, muzzle
settling alongside his rider. }:It's cold out here.:{

**It's refreshing. Go back to sleep. You'll feel warmer curled up in
your weyr,** U'kaiah said, scratching his bronze's eyeridge
affectionately.

}:I can't think. Your thoughts make me too sad to sleep,:{ the bronze
snorted.

**I'm sorry boy,** U'kaiah frowned apologectically. **I'll try not to
think about it so much.**

}:But you hurt. You can't stop thinking about something when it
hurts.:{

**Yeah,** his rider sighed as he scooted back enough to lean against his
lifemate's neck. **Yeah, it hurts. I just... Thought she knew me
better...**

~*~

"What do you think?" Traelyn asked with a grin, gesturing to the great
expanse of golden sand and sea before them. "It's gorgeous here, huh?
And it's not too hot yet...we won't fry like a wherry over a spit!"

"Beautiful," U'kaiah smiled as he looked up and down the coastline.
Straight sand and surf as far as the eyes could see. "This is Far
Island territory?"

She nodded, unlacing the ties to her blouse. "This cove isn't very
close to the Weyr though...and I like to think that I'm the only one who
knows about it."

"Ah ha, one of _those_ spots," he grinned knowingly as he pulled his
tunic over his head. "The sun does feel nice."

"Yes, one of _those_ spots," came her dry reply as she pulled her shirt
up and over her head to expose paler flesh to the sun. "But I didn't
always come here to entice friendly, dragonridin' men, you know. It's a
nice, secluded spot to just come to to relax and think..."

"And ravage unsuspecting men," he teased as his pants fell to around his
ankles.

She wrinkled her nose at him. "Or to get an all-over tan." Her
expression turned teasingly impish as she gave him a brief once-over
before turning around to grab the large blanket she'd brought with her.
It wasn't a fur--she'd never be able to get all the sand out of the
sharding thing--but it was made of a lighter material, and it would be
cool on their skin...certainly a nice contrast to the heat of the day.

"And Faranth knows I could use one of those," he said as he took two
corners of the blanket to help her spread it out. "I certainly haven't
been out in the sun much lately."

"I know."

He looked up at her, surprised and a little confused by her tone of
voice, but chose to pretend he didn't hear it. "So where's a good spot
then?"

"How about we move just a little further down the beach... If we start
to bake like bubblies, we won't have so far to walk to cool off in the
water." Traelyn shook her hair back, wishing she'd brought something to
tie it all up with. "And I don't know if you've purposefully gone to
get an all-over tan before, U'kaiah, but lying in the sun for as long as
we will be will make us feel pretty sharding lethargic. We won't want
to move _anywhere_."

"I like that idea," the bronzerider said as he followed her further down
the beach.

"What, being close to the water? Or being so lazy we won't want to
move?" Her tone teased him as she settled the corners of the blanket
down on the smooth sand, moving to kneel on her side.

"Both, actually," he shrugged as he crawled onto his side. "Back or
front first?"

"Back." She watched him settle down on his stomach, propping his chin
on his arms. It was the careless shrug that had warned her. Normally
he would have shot a clever remark right back at her, but not this time.
Frowning a little, she stretched out beside him and rested her chin
against her hand.

U'kaiah breathed a deep sigh. He didn't know if it was the sun, the
company, or the fact that he was far away from the Weyr that made him
feel so relaxed in that moment. Perhaps it was all three. The
bronzerider willed his mind to be still a moment, to forget all that had
been troubling him, and allowed the silence to grow between them as he
enjoyed the feeling of just _being_ there.

Perhaps she shouldn't say anything. She knew what it was like to want
to let things lie--she knew all too well. Stretching out her arms, the
line in her brow deepened as she dug her fingers into the sand. Was it
the brawl with J'klin? Or was it something she didn't know about?
Something he hadn't mentioned the last time she'd come to visit him?

As he listened to the sound of the rolling waves he could almost feel
them extracting tensions as the ebbed and flowed. Jaela, his wing, his
lack of confidence in himself, his uncertainty about the future... He
wished the waves could wash all those away as easily as they washed away
grains of sand. The bronzerider rubbed his forehead against his skin,
hiding in the shadows the craddle of his arms had created. He hadn't
realized just how much it had all been pressing on him until he was
away. For the first time, he felt like it all was standing still.

"You're awfully quiet, U'kaiah," she murmured, finally breaking the
silence that had been stretching between them.

"I'm just... relaxing," he said, his voice muffled by the blanket.
"It's nice out here."

Traelyn moved a little closer, looking at him. **Is that really all of
it? I know you.** Then she reached out and gently brushed the backs of
her fingers against his shoulder. "It is." But as their eyes met, hers
asked another question.

"I... I don't know," the bronzerider replied, turning his head back to
the shadows. How could he tell her what was bothering him, since that
was obviously what she wanted to know. It was everything, and yet it
was nothing. How could he explain it to someone when he couldn't
understand it himself. Shards, why did she have to know him so well?

"You don't know?" Concerned, she brushed her fingers against him again,
wishing he'd look at her.

"I don't know what's bothering me," he clarified. "It's just a lot of
things I guess."

"What kinds of things?"

"Oh, I don't know," he sighed, rubbing his forehead against his arm once
again. For some reason, looking into the dark at the fabric of the
blanket seemed so much safer than looking at her. It was easier to talk
to the dark sometimes. "My wing... my life... Jaela..."

Moving closer, Traelyn continued to run her fingers against his skin.
She wasn't sure if her touch was welcomed, but she didn't know how else
to tell him she was listening. He wouldn't look at her. "Your life....
That encompasses a lot, U'kaiah."

U'kaiah snorted sarcastically. "You would think so, wouldn't you. Not
mine. Not lately."

She took her hand away, not liking the sudden change in his tone. Not
one bit. "I won't know what to think if you won't talk to me."

"Shards, I don't know, Trae." He couldn't help the exhasperation in his
voice. She had touched right at the heart of it. "I don't know what I
think anymore. I think I should be like I always was, but I don't know
how to be that person, or even if I _should_ be him again. I don't know
if I can lead my wing, and I don't know if I can laugh when it feels
like every sharding minute my heart is breaking. I just don't know what
to think anymore."

"You _need_ to know," she replied quietly, knowing exactly what he was
talking about--and knowing that it all came to an abrupt and terrible
dead end. "It'll feel like your heart is splitting in two, that it
hurts to even sharding _breathe_ somtimes...and you'd rather drown
yourself in a bottle of ale instead of laughing along with your friends,
but you know what you do? You laugh anyway. You force it out. The
more you do that, the easier it gets to breathe...and the pain... It
subsides."

"I laugh. You've heard me laugh. I just... Can't stand settling for
merely existing."

"Then don't exist." She rested her cheek against her arm. "Don't
fade..."

"It's not so easy, Trae," he muttered shaking his head. "Jaela changed
me. Shards, you _both_ did."

"I don't understand."

U'kaiah chuckled ruefully. "Neither do I." And it was so hard to
explain how before he had been happy to be seen as nothing more than the
epitomy of the handsome, flirtateous bronzerider. But now, after Jaela
with her accusations, and Trae with her insistance that he was much
more... how could he go back to that life again? But if he was not that
man, who was he now?

~*~

Shards, he had thought she knew him so well! How did Trae totally
misunderstand him? How could she tell him to make the leap back into
living his life one day, and then when he finally took wing to burn him
out of the sky like falling Thread. Faranth's shell, it hurt to know
that the one person he could always count on to understand him just
didn't anymore...

Last updated on the September 27th 2006

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I Know You...