I Want You Like a Hole in my Head

Writers: Halyonix
Date Posted: 28th October 2026

Characters: E'rian
Description: E'rian and Inarayth have another fight about hidden things
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 3, day 25 of Turn 13
Notes: Notes: Part 3 of the "What You Want" series; lots of cursing

How many afternoons had he sat at his mother's side, watching her do this? Or helping his father in the evening? The feel of the leather, the scent of the oil, the cold buckles and rivets. His father's voice telling him how the cuts should be made, his mother's hands showing him how to find cracks and weakness. It all came flowing back to him, one memory after another, as he sat there cutting their first set.

Their first set of riding straps. E'rian's heart clenched. The contentedness of the memories vanished. His mother could have helped him make these if...if...

Like a tunnel snake waiting to strike, Inarayth grabbed on to that thought. }: Her, :{ she hissed. }: Mother. This 'mother' person. Who is she? Why does she matter so much to you? :{

Exasperated, E'rian nearly dropped the leather as he shot back, "Do you ever quit? Just let it the fuck go, Inarayth."

}: No. She blocks me out of spaces in your heart that are _mine_. I am _your_ dragon. She is a _memory_. :{

Suddenly pissed off, E'rian threw the straps, nearly hitting Inarayth in the process. "She was my mother, you callous bitch! Don't you dare talk about her like that!"

Inarayth did not back down. }: She is not here. I am! You keep thinking about her like she's here and she isn't! :{

E'rian leapt to his feet, screaming, "I KNOW THAT! She's dead, Inarayth, and by Faranth, quit hounding me about her! Let me have my mind sometimes! You don't have to be possessive about everything little searing thing!"

She wasn't half the size she'd be when she was fully grown but Inarayth drew herself up to a nonetheless impressive height, mantling her wings menacingly. }: I don't hide anything from you. Why do you hide things from me? Are you afraid that I'm going to _leave_ you like she did? :{

"She didn't leave -- she DIED, you stupid dragon!"

There was a terrible, burning pause from Inarayth. Her eyes whirled with fiery colors he had never seen before in dragonkind. He felt her mind pressing at corners in his mind like flames licking at kindling, searching for purchase. Angry, he shut down more of his mind until she hissed in audible frustration.

}: Now you are just being stubborn, :{ she said in a rebuking tone.

"So are you," he snapped back immediately. "If you weren't so stubborn about getting into memories, I wouldn't be so stubborn about hiding them. But you keep trying, like some sharding canine trying to get to a bone, and I'm tired of you doing it!"

Inarayth hissed and rustled her wings. }: How dare you compare me to a mere canine! :{

"Well you are being a bitch right now," he snarled. "What else should I compare you to?"

Further offended, Inarayth let out a gasping hiss. A month ago, he would felt awful being so angry with her but she was bigger now. She understood more of the world. More about him. He had _thought_ that sort of understanding would have gentled her attitude but it hadn't. So now, aggravated to no end with her nagging, he was _glad_ that she was offended. Hurt.

The moment that vindicated feeling filled his chest, another chased it down: shame. How dare he do this to his own dragon?! She was his life now! She had chosen him! How could he be so mean, so callous, so hurtful?

Exhausted on so many levels, E'rian's shoulders dropped. "I'm sorry, Inarayth. I shouldn't have said that. I'm just...I'm so tired of you prodding. I just want you to leave it alone. Just let me have a thought, a thing to myself, okay?"

A pause. A moment where E'rian thought she might capitulate. A hope that he would have a reprieve.

}: No. :{

Well, so much for that.

}: You keep hiding it. I feel it. She makes you afraid. And then you hide being afraid. And then you won't tell me why. So, no, I will not let you have this. :{ She may not always remember who was at the center of the fear but she remembered that he felt this fear often. It tinged nearly every day now, especially now that their lessons were about flying and firestone. She would discover why he was afraid and she would fix it! She wouldn't back down this time. She had to help him get over this!

E'rian slumped into the chair. "Fine. Whatever. Keep at it then. See if I give in," he replied in a tired voice. "Prissy bitch," he muttered, as though she couldn't hear him anywhere in the world.

}: _Your_ prissy bitch, :{ she reminded him. She flicked her tail angrily and stormed off.

~*~

Last updated on the November 2nd 2026

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I Want You Like a Hole in my Head