Expectations and Obligations

Writers: Corrin, Duskdog
Date Posted: 14th November 2024
Series: From Hold to Weyr

Characters: T'lonas, Sybana
Description: With another Hatching imminent, T'lonas interviews Sybana
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 3, day 13 of Turn 12
Notes: Mentioned: Halia, Corofel, Zaphare, Zariah, M'thos

T'lonas

Sybana

It was another afternoon of candidate interviews for the weyrling staff.

T’lonas started with Halia, a weyrgirl and veteran of the sands. It would be her last opportunity to Impress before her next birthing day and she plainly knew it. The interview was brief. She was very cynical about her chances and seemed to be trying to answer his questions even before he asked them, just to get the whole thing over faster.

Sybana was next.

A new face and a new name. She had arrived a few days ago, searched from her hold by Zariah’s Relsath. M’thos had conducted a perfunctory interview when she reported to the barracks, but this would be the opportunity to really evaluate her.

The girl that entered T'lonas' office looked like she'd never done a hard day's work in her life. She was exceedingly well dressed and had a certain poise that seemed as graceful as it did deliberate.

“Weyrlingmaster,” she said, and her diction was Harper crisp. “You asked to see me?”

T’lonas greeted her with his usual smile, beckoning her inside. “Sybana, yes! Come on in, have a seat, make yourself comfortable!”

She certainly presented what would have been a lovely picture in most circumstances. He took in her clothes, her posture -- yes, she was what a lot of weyrfolk might dismiss as “fancy”, but he didn’t think the frills were what was really important. What he saw was confidence (or at least the ability to fake it well enough to fool him; there was something to be said for that, too) and care -- care for how she presented herself, care for the impression she gave, care in the choices she made.

Not bad qualities for a dragonrider, though he’d have to see if she was trying to present a certain face to mask other issues, or if the frills _did_ matter, after all, and she wasn’t prepared for the grittier parts of dragonriding.

That _was_ part of what these interviews were about, after all.

“Now. I know you're still fairly new here. How are you settling in?”

Truthfully? Sybana was finding it hard to sleep in the barracks and she was growing increasingly concerned that she might actually Impress a green-- but she couldn't say that, that would be too much like admitting weakness. She smiled prettily instead. “It's taking some adjustment, but I have no complaints.”

“That’s a diplomatic way to put it,” T’lonas replied. Having no complaints and settling in well weren’t necessarily the same thing, but he chose not to pursue that at the moment. “I know sometimes the holdfolk suffer a bit of culture shock. Understandably so. I imagine being Searched is rather like being thrown into the deep end of a cold lake, rather than being able to inch your way in and get comfortable.” He smiled again reassuringly. “My notes say that you’re from Skyvale. The Blood there has given us a rider before, haven’t they?”

“There have been a few, over the Interval,” she said with a note of pride. “Most recently, my Uncle Dorix. He Impressed a blue here at Dragonsfall, but lost his lifemate to Thread a few Turns ago.”

“Ahh, that was likely before my time here at Dragonsfall. I regret not having the chance to know him. I hope he’s doing well.” He inclined his head. “As unfortunate as it is, I would assume that means you’re well aware of the risks you’ll face, should you Impress?”

“Yes, I think so. I spoke with him before I came. He told me, if I Stood, I had to accept that I might attract a green or even a blue on the sands. That I would have to fight Thread, like he did and risk what he did… I think I can do it, if I must.” She paused and gestured down at her beautiful and impractical clothes with a dry laugh, “It would take a few more adjustments, but I believe I can.”

But the mirth quickly faded and her expression turned serious as she looked over at him, searching his face for any hint of his thoughts. “Do you believe you could have Impressed green yourself?”

T’lonas blinked, surprised. Candidates rarely asked him questions (even when directly encouraged to do so), and he couldn’t say that any had ever asked him _that_ particular question before. “Well! That’s… certainly a question.” He took a moment to think. “I suppose I could have. It’s a bit difficult to think about it in hindsight, because I’m not sure I can imagine sharing my life with anyone but Domorth, and I can’t imagine Domorth being anything other than exactly what he is! But… trying to think clearly past that, if… perhaps if there had not ever been a--” He stopped, genuinely uncomfortable with that line of thought even though his dragon seemed to be deeply asleep currently. “If, somehow, Domorth had been green… perhaps? I know conventional wisdom is that dragons Impress to certain types of people, and I believe there are certainly _trends_ in that direction, but… to be honest, I’ve seen candidates of all types Impress to all different colors. With varying success, admittedly. Though I think that’s as much due to individual dragon personality as anything. A stubborn, strong-willed green is going to give a meek rider difficulty, just as a bronze might. A bronze may be more likely to be strong-willed, however.”

Sybana was initially disappointed that the bronzerider didn’t dismiss the idea outright, but she felt a spark of hope when he acknowledged there seemed to be trends to Impression. (Nevermind he also went on to say he’d seen the trends disproven).

He folded his hands on the desk in front of him and regarded her again. “Golds have a reputation for being _particularly_ strong-willed, and that’s largely true. It’s an important quality for them to have. And thus a rider who can handle that -- or learn to handle that -- is extremely important. But I’m pleased to hear that you’re willing to face green or blue as possibilities. It’s not unusual for girls Searched when a gold egg is on the Sands to refuse to consider that, at least at first. But there _are_ more greens and blues, and Impressing one doesn’t necessarily mean you’d not have done well on a gold -- only, perhaps, that you’re of even more use to a different dragon. Tell me, Sybana -- do you feel prepared for the reality of life as a goldrider, if you should be so lucky? All eyes would be on you, and many people would be depending on you. People will court your favor, not all of them with good intentions. Your dragon may fight against you at times, as her instincts can be hard to ignore.”

“Honestly?” She met his eyes. “I feel more prepared for that than I do for life as a greenrider. I am the daughter of a regional holder, sir. I grew up in a world _full_ of expectation and obligation. I have been watched and flattered and resented all my life. That is my milieu. The only thing new would be the dragon.”

His lips quirked into a smile. “Fair enough. Though the ‘new’ part is quite a big thing to get used to. You have more dragon to feed, and wash, and oil. Bigger riding straps to maintain. When older, you’d be maneuvering a flame-thrower, which is no small task, and part of your duties as a goldrider. But if you’re already used to the political lifestyle, you’d likely be a step ahead of most girls in that respect. As a greenrider, you’d stand out less, certainly, and have less social pressure. But also less dragon to care for. And your responsibilities in ‘Fall would be different.” He paused. “I noticed you didn’t touch any eggs. I’m curious: what made you hesitate?”

“I didn’t hesitate. I abstained.” She raised her chin, a subtle gesture of defiance. “I-- I don’t want a green. Or a blue. I know I’m accepting the possibility by Standing, but I’ll do nothing to encourage it.”

But for all the bravado in her speech, there was a flicker of uncertainty in her eyes. It made her look like the girl she was, adrift in a strange new world. “...Will you bar me from the sands?”

Interesting. She was honest; he appreciated that. She knew what she wanted, and that wasn’t a bad quality, either.

But was that enough?

“I think… that many candidates would be lying if they said they didn’t have a particular color they wanted, or one they didn’t want. But I suppose it’s a matter of how _much_ you ‘don’t want’ a green. When the time comes, if it comes… would you _reject_ a green or blue? Would you try to close yourself off to it, push it away? And if not, would you be able to contain your disappointment enough not to panic? This hatchling -- no matter the color -- is only a baby, new to the world. And they desire one thing more than anything else: you. They’ll need you. Do you believe you can meet that need, if you must? Even if it isn’t what you thought you wanted?”

She took the time to really consider his words. They were all familiar terms, but rendered strange by the manner in which he used them. Sybana wasn’t entirely sure what it would mean to ‘close off’ to a dragon, or ‘push it away’ in a manner besides the physical. “I’m not one for hysterics,” she said at last. “I think I could do it.” Though it was clear the thought brought her no pleasure.

“Then I won’t bar you from standing,” T’lonas said, though he did pause to write down some notes. “You want what you want, but appear to be aware of the risks, and open to the possibility that things may not turn out the way you plan. And… should that happen… do you believe your family will be a problem? For you, primarily, but also potentially for us? I won’t bar you based on your answer to that question, mind you, but I prefer to know ahead of time if I should be prepared to support you through something like that.”

The very idea of meeting her family if things didn’t ‘turn out’ made Sybana’s chest hurt. She had failed them with Corofel and she could fail them now, at the Weyr. She shook her head, as much to dislodge those dreadful thoughts as anything else. “They won’t cause a scene,” she promised.

“But will they cause problems for _you_? On a personal level?”

“I don’t think so?” It was the most uncertain she’d sounded the entire interview. “They love me very much… but it would be… disappointing.”

He nodded. This wasn’t something he could really judge for her, but he hoped her estimation was correct. It was always heartbreaking when any family rejected a child, even though he wasn’t entirely sure that his perspective was quite like hers. At the Weyr, there was always other family -- often as important to you as whoever had given birth to you or sired you. It was different at the Holds. But he didn’t have to understand it entirely to understand the pain in someone’s eyes when someone they loved turned away from them for something as petty as not approving of their dragon’s color. As if any dragon could ever be anything other than precious. As if any chosen rider could ever be anything other than immensely special.

“There’s one last thing I must ask… and I realize you haven’t been here long, so you may not yet have all of the specifics drilled into your head just yet -- don’t worry, we’ll be repeating it plenty of times before the eggs crack -- but you understand that you cannot force Impression, correct? That trying to handle a dragon who isn’t specifically coming to you, either by grabbing or turning its face, or trying to stand in front of it -- anything that impedes it -- won’t end with you changing the dragon’s mind, but more likely will end in you getting severely injured? When your dragon has chosen you, you’ll know. You won’t need to do anything. You can remember that, even if it seems the dragon you want might not want you?”

“I can remember that,” Sybana said. “Is there anything I _should_ do? You mentioned there are ‘trends’ for draconic Impression. What are they for greens and golds?”

“Well… different things. Most of them are things you can’t particularly do anything about. You’ve probably heard about some for the greens -- they prefer girls, or boys of a certain… nature. But that’s certainly not universal. I personally believe many of them prefer riders who are more physical and might enjoy the exertion of Threadfighting, though I don’t have any proof of that, and there have certainly been greenriders who seemed ill-suited at first but blossom later. For the golds, it’s both easier and harder. The majority of the goldriders that I know are confident, assertive women. The specifics of the personality vary, but there has to be a certain amount of will and determination there in order to be able to handle the strong will of her dragon. But! Keep in mind that people have been trying to find patterns in these things for thousands of turns, and there’s no real consensus on it yet -- and I’m sure many of those minds were greater than mine! These are just things I’ve noticed and feelings I’ve gotten. I don’t think there’s any formula that I can give you, I’m afraid.”

Sybana listened attentively. He was right in that there seemed little she could do or change to directly affect things at this point, but she found it comforting that she didn’t particularly fit his image for greenriders. She couldn’t imagine enjoying the exertion of Threadfighting and didn’t consider herself physical in the least. That sounded far more like Zaphare. Hopefully staying near the other holdgirl on the sands would redirect any undue attention.

“Thank you,” she said as the weyrlingmaster finished. “That’s given me a lot to think about.”

“Because you’re still so new, I’ll expect you to be paying extra attention in class between now and the Hatching,” T’lonas said. “Please take everything to heart -- particularly the parts about what to do, and not to do, on the Sands.”

He stood, leaning over the desk a bit to offer his hand. “Thank you, Sybana, I appreciate your candor. It makes my job much easier in these interviews. You’re free to go -- if you have any questions, any whatsoever, my door is always open, and there’s no shame in asking.”

Last updated on the November 19th 2024

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Expectations and Obligations