How Did We Get Here (5): There's No Coming Back

Writers: Eimi, Paula
Date Posted: 19th December 2017

Characters: U'kaiah, Aileyan
Description: U'kaiah breaks the news of his leaving to Aileyan
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 1, day 14 of Turn 9
Notes: Post 5 in a storyline
Mentions: Tavia, D'ale

~~~ FLASHBACK TO DFW M7D11T7~~~

U'kaiah hadn't been scheduled to have this evening with Aileyan, but
even before the meeting that had just broken up, the bronzerider knew
that her weyr would been his first stop when he was free. It had been
hard the night before not to tell her what he and Hygalia had spoken
of as he held Aileyan in the dark. This had been decided without her,
and he knew that she would be hurt, but he had not been given the
liberty to talk to her about it then, and truly, there was no other
choice to be made. Now he would have to face her. She would just
have to understand.

"Hey, sweetheart," he murmured softly as he leaned down to give her a
deep, longing kiss. The bronzerider knew he would miss those lips
when he traveled North.

"Hey, U'kaiah," she replied with smile and responded to the kiss.
"What's up? The whole Weyr is buzzing about the news from the North.
It sounded dreadful, what happened there?" She knew the Weyr's
leadership had been in a meeting.

News traveled fast, that was sure. But then again, how could you hide
such a tragedy from dragonfolk for long? "Come sit with me a moment,"
he said, taking her hand and leading her towards the sofa. "There's
something I need to tell you."

"Oh?" she was curious and followed him to take a seat.

"I don't know how much you have heard about what has happened, but I
can tell you that it is an utter disaster. Hygalia has been to see
for herself. She says the Weyr is in crisis and needs help. Their
leadership is gone. They're Weyrleader is injured, his Second dead, a
Wingleader lost, and their Weyrwoman is dying of a rapid cancer.
Hygalia has just announced that she is leaving Dragonsfall to return
to her old Weyr to be their Weyrwoman." Here he took a deep breath.
"And she has asked me to come be her acting Weyrleader."

"And you're leaving? Just like that?" she asked incredulously. She
felt a flare of jelousy and also a fear.

"Not just like that," he assured her. "I thought it about it long and
hard. I don't want to leave you all, but it is my duty to go."

"How about your duties here? Your wing? Us? Me?"

"This _has_ to come first," he said softly, completely understanding,
and in his heart agreeing, with her objections. "They have no leader.
Right now, they need me more."

"And I don't need you?!" Aileyan asked with some heat in her voice.

"I'm coming back, Aileyan," U'kaiah assured her with a little more
force than he had intended, reacting to her own tone. "Hyglia has
promised me that I can come back when their Weyrleader heals. Half a
Turm at most."

"And we're just supposed to wait you here?" Aileyan asked. She
hesitated. "What if, what if I came with you?"

"No, sweetheart, no. That's not a good idea," U'kaiah said, shaking
his head with resolution.

"Why not? Don't they need ordinary dragonriders to re-fill their
ranks?" Aileyan asked.

"Well, yes, but, you and Tavia can't go, Aileyan. It's too dangerous.
I thought about it, and if I'm just going to turn around and come back
in a few months, then it isn't worth the risk to take you with me."
Though in his heart, U'kaiah wished that was not the case. He loathed
the idea of being so far from his family. "Besides, Hygalia says the
Queens Wing suffered no casualties, so it's better for you to help the
new Weyrwoman here."

"How can it be more dangerous than every time we face Thread here? You
just don't want us around," Aileyan replied with accusing tone, her
temper flaring.

"It _is_ more dangerous, Aileyan. You take far more risks pulling you
out of a Queens Wing to throw you into a new upper Wing, and then pull
you out of that one to put you back into the Queens Wing here again."
U'kaiah knew that all too well having experienced the confusion in
learning two systems when he had flown Thread for two Weyrs at once in
the past. "If I am going to help lead this Weyr, I can't do it while
worrying about yours and Tavia's safety all the time. I don't want
you there, but only because I don't want to see you get hurt!"

"Oh? So we just pine away here, worrying about _you_, wondering if
you're ever coming back or if you're going to find someone new!"

"I have no intentions of finding someone new," U'kaiah said
emphatically. "I'm just going because Hygalia says she needs my help.
When it's done, I am coming back to you. I promise that."

Her eyes flashed angrily. "Who says _I_ will take you back?"

"What?" No... She couldn't mean that...

"Don't take me for granted," Aileyan said angrily. it had been hard
for her to accept Tavia and now this. Her heart bled because she felt
she was not enough for him and it made her angry and hurt.

"I'm not taking you for granted, Aileyan." Where did she even get
that idea? he wondered angrily. "I have to go. There is no other
choice. It's something I have to do. But I will come back because I
want to be with you."

"Funny how I'm not conviced," she said frostily. She felt like she was
about to start crying or throwing him with something

In desperation, U'kaiah made a big mistake. "I love you, Aileyan.
Let me prove it to you. Tell me what I can do to convince you."

"Then don't go, stay here with me. Let someone else play hero,"
Aileyan pleaded with whole her heart.

The bronzerider had realized his mistake as soon as the words left his
mouth. For the briefest moment, looking down at her, he was tempted
to do as she asked. But then he remembered why he had agreed in the
first place. Pern came first, before Weyr or dragon or family. That
was his duty. "Hygalia came to me. I can't," he said softly shaking
his head. "That is the one thing I can't do."

"So, is that how much worth your promise is?" she spat out, angry and
most of all disappointed.

"I made a promise to Hygalia, too! I made a promise to her Weyr! I
have a duty to Pern! I can't just change my mind, Aileyan. I just
can't. It doesn't mean I love you any less." He was starting to see
this was a losing battle. She was angry. Now his only hope was that
she would eventually come around and see reason.

"Riiight, the gold rider comes first," Aileyan said sarcastically and
crossed her arms in defiance. Didn't he see what he was doing to her?

He threw his hands up helplessly. U'kaiah knew he was trapped, but he
could not look himself in the mirror if he did not do his duty. "I
love you with my whole heart, Aileyan. But I have to go."

"If you go, there's no coming back to me," Aileyan threw in an
ultimatum. She was just so furious.

U'kaiah was not surprised by her words, but they still chilled him to
the core. She didn't really mean it. He was sure of that. "Don't do
that, sweetheart. Please."

She turned away from him, giving him the silent treatment. She was
battling tears, not wanting to him to see her cry. Not wanting to let
him know how much this hurt her.

He didn't have time for this. U'kaiah still had to break the news to
Tavia, to pack his belongings, to make sure D'ale was set to take over
the Wing. He could not afford to spend any more time trying to
convince her. **She'll come around,** he tried to assure himself as
he walked towards her to grab her shoulders gently in his hands. "I
leave in the morning. Will you and Ravyan be there to see me off?"

"No," she said angrily and wrenched herself away from his hands.

His hands hung in the air, slowly curling into fists. There was
nothing he could do. He hated leaving like this, without even a kiss
on the cheek or small hug to connect them. Finally his hands dropped
to his side. He could waste no more time here. "I'll write. I
promise you that, Aileyan. As long as I'm gone, I will write to you.
And I will come back to you. You'll see."

Her only response was an icy silence and perhaps a suppressed sob.

Last updated on the December 21st 2017

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How Did We Get Here (5): There's No Coming Back