She Came

Writers: Dana, Eimi
Date Posted: 10th March 2006

Characters: Traelyn, U'kaiah
Description: Days after N'vanik's and U'kaiah's fight, Traelyn finally goes to see U'kaiah
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 10, day 21 of Turn 3

Traelyn had thought that she'd prepared herself for the change - the drastic change in his life - but it didn't quite hit her until Nyith backwinged and landed on Kalamath's ledge.

His new ledge.

The bronze was on his couch, but he lifted his head to look at the queen as Traelyn dismounted. Taking off her helmet, she shook the errant strands of hair back from her eyes and looked around, the expression on her face a little sad.

**Is he here, Nyith?**

}:Yes.:{ Shrugging out of her jacket, she hung that along with her helmet and gloves on the extra peg before slowly making her way into his weyr.

**I should've come here sooner. I _should_ have.** But she hadn't. She'd been so angry, and so disappointed in N'vanik and U'kaiah both. She'd been more disappointed in U'kaiah though. He should have known better - as a Wingleader, a bronzerider, and as a man who _knew_ N'vanik.
Her jaw tighened a bit at the thought of that particular bronzerider. She had yet to speak to him - he'd made her so angry. But then, she hadn't heard a word from him in the days since, so perhaps that anger was mutual.

Enough. She wasn't here to think about the sharding prick.

Traelyn was here for her friend.

"U'kaiah?" she called softly.

The bronzerider looked up from the book he had been reading at the sound of his name. He couldn't believe it. She had finally come. U'kaiah had truly believed that he had gone too far, that he had ruined everything with Trae. All the friendship they had built over the last few months. He wanted to jump up and wrap his arms around her, to apologize for so many things. But he couldn't even move. Part of him still wondered if she had just come to say goodbye.

Seeing the disbelief on his face tugged at something in her heart, and she swallowed thickly, guilt creeping into her thoughts as she came closer.
"Shards, U'kaiah... I should have come sooner."

"No no," the bronzerider quickly reassured her, setting his book down and standing to his feet. "I know you have... you're busy now.
Congratulations, by the way," he added quickly. "I didn't tell you before. I guess... well, I wasn't thinking... But I heard about the Hatching. Congratualations for you... and your Weryleader..." Shards, he was stammering and stumbling all over himself like a fool. He just didn't know how to act towards her now. Not after what he did to N'vanik, and certainly not after what he wanted to do to her.

By the time he'd stopped talking, her hands had caught his, her gray eyes lifting to search his face. "I'm not here for belated congratulations, U'kaiah," she told him gently, her fingers tightening over his. "I'm not here for that."

He sighed, finding some comfort in her concerned touch. "I know," he nodded. His eyes just could not lift to meet hers. "Shards, Trae, I'm so sorry," he whispered.

She was silent for a moment, her thumbs brushing against his palms as she gazed at him, wishing he'd look at her. Traelyn wanted to ask him why he'd done it, but she knew why. Everything that had been building in him...it had needed an outlet. She knew what that was like...and she knew what it was like to reap the consequences of rash impulses. "I'm not angry with you."

"Then why didn't you come?" he asked, wincing at how accusing that sounded. U'kaiah looked down at her hands, squeezing them gently in his own. "I didn't mean that. I'm glad you've come now."

"Yes, you did mean it. Look at me, U'kaiah."

He slowly lifted his eyes to hers. Shards, but he had never been so ashamed of himself as he was that moment.

Her finger traced a gentle circle against his skin. "Just I'm not angry now....that doesn't mean that I wasn't disappointed. Or hurt. Or -" **-
confused.** Her dark eyes flickered as she remembered when he'd come to her, remembered that look in his eyes when he gazed up at her, desiring her, his hands sliding up her legs to wrap around her hips... She took in a deep breath. "But your friendship, U'kaiah - our friendship - means more to me than what has happened."

"Shards, Trae, I never meant to hurt you," he whispered. U'kaiah pulled his hands away. They were too understanding. They were too gentle. Deep down he knew he didn't deserve that. He turned away from her and walked towards the table where a wine flask lay. "I didn't mean to hurt him either. I was just so sharding angry. I've just been so _angry_ lately, and I don't know why. I just don't know why."

She followed him, folding her arms over her chest. "I might know one reason."

"Which one. There has to be more than one."

She waited a moment, watching him uncork the flask. "You're still in mourning." Her tone was very quiet.

He turned around to face her, leaning back against the table. "And just how long is it supposed to last?" U'kaiah asked with a helpless shrug.

"As long as it needs to." She hesitated. "But...you can't let it consume you, U'kaiah."

"And just how do I not, Trae?" It was an honest question. "I don't want to be this person anymore."

She looked away, refusing to let those glimpses of memories surface. Shoving them all back and deep down, she turned her dark eyes back to him.
What advice could she give? Slowly she sank into one of the nearby chairs. "Have you ever considered going to a mindhealer?"

"I don't know. I'm not _that_ cracked, am I?" he said with a shake of his head. The bronzerider might be able to talk to U'val, but going to see a mindhealer here? That would be just shame on top of shame.

Her expression hardened just slightly. "You don't have to be 'cracked' to see a mindhealer. You know that. They could help you...talk things out.
Things that you necessarily couldn't talk out with people who're...close to you. Maybe it's _because_ you don't know them that well that makes it easier, U'kaiah. I don't know."

"I'll think about it," he finally said, looking down at the floor. Shards. A _mindhealer_...

She nodded. "It's all I ask."

U'kaiah looked away - at the ceiling, at the walls, anywhere but at her face. "Trae, there's... something else. I have to apologize to you for...
Well, for what I _almost_ did, that night in your weyr."

Traelyn fell silent for a long moment. "It would've changed a lot of things, U'kaiah," she finally murmured.

"I know," he nodded. "Things that just shouldn't _be_ changed between us.
I know its only natural that sometimes you should look at me as a man, and I look at you as a woman, but that isn't what I want from you. We were always only meant to be friends, and that is so much more important to me..."

"I'm not so sure if we always thought we were meant to be friends." She looked up at him, remembering the first encounters she'd had with him at Dragonsfall. Those hadn't truly inclined towards friendship, or what she thought friendship should entail.

"All right, yes, there was a time when _I_ thought we could be something other than friends," he admitted. She had to shot him down so many times during the early days of their relationship.

She gave him a small smile. "You weren't the only one."

"You never said a word!" His eyes lifted to hers in surprise. She had never even given her a hint... "Well, I guess it doesn't matter now. Things turned out as they should. Our friendship has meant more to me than any fling in the furs would have."

"I believe it too, U'kaiah." And she did. Traelyn had enough bedmates, but there were only so few people out there who she could really call a friend, someone who she could trust.

"I know that if we tried to go back now... Well everything would change, and I don't ever want that to happen. You are too valuable to me to risk that." U'kaiah had been enough of a mess the last few days thinking he had lost her. He never wanted to feel that again.

Her throat tightened at his words, and slowly she reached out until the tips of her fingers brushed over his knuckles. "I don't want to risk what we...have." Her eyes lifted to his. "I wouldn't want to lose you, U'kaiah." Like she had lost L'kub.

"Then it's agree then? We won't walk that line again? We chose to only ever be friends?"

Traelyn offered him another smile, a softer smile. "I know I choose it."

"So do I."

Last updated on the March 10th 2006

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She Came