Come Full Circle (4)
Dragonsfall Weyr
Amber Hills Hold
Vintner Hall
Healer Hall
Hidden Meadows
Dolphin Cove Weyr
Dolphin Hall
Emerald Falls Hold
Harper Hall
Printer Hall
Green Valley Hold
Leeward Lagoon Hold
Barrier Lake Weyr
Sunstone Seahold
Citrus Bay Hold
Writers: Heather
Date Posted: 4th November 2017
Characters: Jeyme, A'dan
Description: Jeyme thinks back to the night she told A'dan about D'hol.
Location: Elsewhere on Pern
Date: month 1, day 8 of Turn 9
Sunlight shone through the small outer window of Jeyme's weyr. The single ray managed to catch the green, glass dragon A'dan had gotten for her on her birthingday. Whenever she saw it she inevitably thought of him. He would be proud of her for deciding to meet with Cyradis about possibly returning to Dolphin Cove. She could imagine the smile that would be on his handsome face.
**Flashback**
"It's just a date, Jeyme, what are you afraid of?" A'dan pushed, arms crossed over his chest as he leaned against the doorway and watched her nurse Ayeme.
Jeyme sighed, fingers automatically stroking over her daughter's downy head. "I told you when I first got pregnant with Ayeme that I wasn't interested in a relationship. I'm not cut out for Weyr relationships." D'hol had made it quite clear that she was abnormal and never should have expected anything more from him than what she'd received.
A'dan would swear that it was like talking to a wall sometimes. "Would you at least tell me what happened? I deserve that right?" He came around so he could see Jeyme's face.
The greenrider looked up at him. Did he deserve that? She thought about all of the times he'd come to her weyr in the middle of the night while she was pregnant to help massage out a backache or the way he'd been there for those middle of the night feedings those first couple of weeks after Ayeme had been born. Yes, A'dan at least deserved to know why she was keeping him at arms length.
"I'll tell you, but let me finish with Ayeme first." She couldn't hold something so pure and wonderful and talk about D'hol and Kapera at the same time.
"I'll wait for you then," A'dan left Jeyme's bedroom.
Jeyme sighed when he left. She'd held this off for as long as possible, because she didn't want to be told that she'd reacted wrongly, that if she'd been weyrbred there would never have been a problem, that she could have kept her relationship with D'hol from crumbling if she'd just squashed down her feelings and let him have what he wanted.
When Ayeme was finished with her last meal of the evening, Jeyme buttoned her blouse back up and laid the baby in her crib.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be pushy." A'dan said as soon as she came into the room.
Pushy? Jeyme had never felt as if A'dan had ever pushed her into anything.
"Dheymin's father's name is D'hol," she didn't know if she'd ever even said his name around A'dan. Jeyme settled into the couch beside of A'dan and tucked her feet underneath herself. "When I first came to Dolphin Cove I was fresh from the Hold, I had been a Lady in Waiting for Lady Felyna at Emerald Falls. I was holdbred to the core. I was Searched and then Impressed only a few days later.
"I met D'hol through a Weyrling assignment where I had to interview a Wingleader. There was chemistry immediately. He was an older, more experienced rider, who took an interest in me that no one ever had before. When I graduated Weyrlinghood we started seeing more of each other. Shards, I just...." Jeyme trailed off, her eyes losing focus as she told her story. "I'd never met anyone like him before. No one had ever made me feel the excitement that he did.
"I got pregnant by accident. He'd never wanted a weyrmate so that was a little difficult at first, but he invited me to live with him. I miscarried, but he still wanted me to stay. We both wanted to try again...." Her voice grew softer with the memories. "I could tell then that even though he was sometimes callous or gruff, that he cared about me, out of all the women at the Weyr he wanted _me_ to be with him. I was so flattered."
A'dan nodded, his eyes intently watching Jeyme.
"Now, through all of this, he still had another love, the person I guess you would call his true love. Weyrwoman Cyradis. It was never me, I could never fill that spot for him. I had learned to take second place, though, and was dealing with it okay. We had Dheymin, it was a high point for us. Even though I was holdbred I had come to terms with flights and the things that go on with them. I befriended the Weyrwoman's Second, Kapera. She was down to earth and easy to talk to, I thought she was a friend...."
Jeyme's eyes looked glassy from unshed tears. "She let it slip one day that she and D'hol had slept together, outside of a flight. Just for kicks. Just... because." The words still hurt, they still caused tears to slide down her cheeks. "I still feel stupid for being hurt over it. I should have expected it, I guess. He's a bronzerider. That's the excuse everyone always gives when a bronzerider sleeps with a goldrider. 'It's just their nature' people will say.
When I confronted D'hol about it he wasn't sorry, sorry that I'd found out maybe, but not sorry for the action. I was just suppose to accept that sex doesn't mean anything in the Weyr, that I should feel grateful because he still came home to me every night." She laughed bitterly. "I should feel grateful to sit at the weyr and wait for him while he had his fun elsewhere..."
Jeyme wiped the tears from her face, her chin trembling a little with emotion as she looked back up at A'dan. "So I decided I needed to get out of Dolphin Cove. I could never learn to be my own person as long as I was there. Being that close to D'hol was, is, too hard. Sometimes I think I should have just kept my mouth shut, and then we would be together but then I look at Dheymin, and now Ayeme, and I think I deserve more than that." The greenrider lifted her shoulders. "Maybe not. I don't know if it's possible to have more than that at the Weyr."
A'dan reached out and touched her shoulder lightly, a comforting touch, "It is possible. Not all men are D'hol. I'm sorry you had to go through that Jeyme. What happened isn't uncommon in the Weyr, that's true, but it was still a rough education into Weyrlife."
The brownrider paused for a moment, hesitated, and then asked, "You still love him?"
The question caused more tears to course down Jeyme's face, "You can't imagine how much. I think about him every day, even now, after all this time."
"Come here," A'dan put an arm around Jeyme and pulled her in close.
Jeyme buried her face in the brownrider's shoulder and cried. It was the the first time she'd talked to anyone about what had happened other than Cyradis. It was the first time she'd had a shoulder to cry on.
"I'm not asking for you to love me like you did D'hol, it sounds like he was a pretty special part of your life, even if it didn't end the way you wanted. But, maybe I can have a little space? Just a date?" A'dan stroked her hair.
The greenrider sniffled. Did she have room left to love, or even like, someone else? She supposed she did, having Ayeme had opened up more of her heart than she realized was possible.
"I don't know why you would even want to, A'dan. There's plenty of carefree, weyrbred greenriders here."
"That's true, but I've been around those types of women my whole life. Not all dragonmen want to sleep around, as hard as that is to believe." A'dan reasoned.
Jeyme let out a trembling breath, a release. It felt good to have bared her internal wound to A'dan, to let him see what really hindered her from jumping into a relationship with him.
"Allright. But I'm not promising anything."
A'dan smiled a little and pressed a kiss to the top of her head, "It's a start."
**End Flashback**
Last updated on the November 7th 2017