Can't Find The Words.

Writers: Devin, Leigh M-F.
Date Posted: 7th October 2017

Characters: D'ren, A'kua
Description: D'ren needs to express himself, so A'kua tries to help.
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 13, day 19 of Turn 8
Notes: Mentioned: Nokala, Zelltye (NPC), Talwynn (indirectly). A'kua's song sung to the tune of Frank Turner's "Recovery."

"All right, now hold still," A'kua instructed, swiping a forearm
across his forehead and tucking the rag he'd used for oil in his belt.
"I need to see if I missed any spots."

}:You didn't, but okay,:{ Zeiranth said cheerfully, engrossed with
watching sunlight sparkle on the gentle waves of the outdoor lake.
}:You really do worry too much the days after Threadfall, you know.:{

"I have a reason," the redhead reminded, and slowly started pacing
around his dragon. After a moment, he started humming, which slowly
grew back into the singing he had been doing while he worked on his
dragon's hide. "Blackin' in and out near a strange and tiny cothold,
Somebody I don't really know just gave me something
To help settle me down and stop me from always thinking about you.
And you know your life is headin' in a questionable direction
When you're up for days with strangers and you can't remember anythin'
Except the way you sounded when you realized there was nothin' you could do."

D'ren was sitting near the the weyrlake, staring down at a scrap of
hide with a handful of scratched out words on it. The sound of singing
drifted over to him and he cocked his head. Finally curiosity got the
better of him and he got up to move closer to the other rider. "Where
is that from? I haven't heard it before."

A'kua jumped. **You didn't tell me I had an audience!** he scolded
Zei, cheeks reddening over being caught by surprise.

}:You were busy,:{ the young bronze defended, }:and I was distracted.:{

The redhead sighed and turned to face the new arrival, sizing him up.
He seemed genuinely curious, and non-threatening at the moment, so
A'kua just said, somewhat warily, "I wrote it." He motioned to the
hide. "Looks like you're workin' on somethin' as well."

"You're harper trained then?" D'ren asked, the hide twitching in his
hand as he struggled with an urge to conceal it.

"Some. I take lessons from Nokala when I have free time these days,"
the younger bronzerider said with a shrug. "I may never make
journeyman, but at least I'm learnin' somethin' from a decent teacher
for once. You should try her lessons if you haven't yet."

"I'll think about it," D'ren said in that non-committal way that mean
he probably wouldn't. "You have an interesting style."

"I take it yours is more traditional?" A'kua inquired, motioning again
to the hide. "Ever experiment with it, by chance?"

"I suppose you'd call it more traditional. I was trained at the Hall
for a few Turns. This is uh..." He indicated the hide. "Well I guess
you could call this a failed experiment."

When the other bronzerider spoke again, his tone was surprisingly
polite. "May I see?" He made no move to extend a hand or try to take
the hide, though; A'kua didn't want D'ren to feel as though he had no
choice in compliance.

D'ren pulled the hide a little closer. "There's not really anything to
see. I can't manage more than a line. It's just half a dozen false
starts." He hadn't expected it to be easy, but it was even harder than
he thought.

"If those starts have anythin' in common, string 'em together and make
a song out of 'em," A'kua suggested. "I did somethin' similar once; it
turned out pretty decent."

D'ren shook his head. He couldn't just mash a bunch of half-formed
thoughts together. "I'm trying to write about River Bluff."

"Oh." Well, fardles. "I- I can't help there," A'kua admitted. How
could he possibly offer the right words to capture the loss of an
entire place and countless lives when he wasn't there to see it
happen? He understood anger, grief, and losing a single person, but
not such a staggering loss. And D'ren, who'd lived through it, was
having the same problem on a bigger scale. No wonder he couldn't
compose. "I'm sorry. For- well," he said awkwardly.

Zeiranth crooned softly to both riders, trying to offer some comfort.

D'ren muttered an acknowledgement. "I just can't find the right words.
I don't know if there _are_ any right words." The disaster was too big
and too raw.

"Maybe there aren't," the redhead quietly agreed. He certainly wished
he had the right words for this situtation to be any sort of help.
"Maybe one day there will be. Just not now."

"Yeah." D'ren heaved a sigh. "I thought it might help to put my
feelings into a song, but this is just too hard."

"It does help," A'kua agreed, having done that many a time. "But it's
possible you need to try somethin' else first. There's a mind-healer
I've seen, Zelltye; he got me up in the air after this." He motioned
to the Threadscores on his forearms. "Could be he can help you
untangle your thoughts long enough to get it on paper. I mean, if
you'd be okay with talkin' with him, that is. If not, that'd be fine
too."

"A mindhealer might not be a bad idea," D'ren said quietly. He didn't
particularly want to go, or to talk in detail about what happened at
River Bluff, but maybe he needed professional help to cope.

"I could set up the meetin' for you, if you like," A'kua offered.
"Zelltye even sees people on restdays if that's more convenient for
'em."

"No thank you. I can set something up with the mindhealers myself."
D'ren wondered if any had come over as River Bluff refugees. Or maybe
someone who'd been through the destruction of Thayan Peak. Someone who
truly understood how it felt to go through such a disaster.

"You're a braver man than I," A'kua stated. "One of my former teachers
had to set my first appointment up." He paused, groping for something
else to say, "I know it sounds stupid, but it does get better. It just
takes work."

"Did you go through a disaster?" D'ren asked. "Or do you mean trauma
in general?"

The other bronzerider shrugged. "Sometimes I think the majority of my
life was a disaster," he muttered. "But no, I just got scored durin'
my first firestone ferry." He motioned to the scarring on his forearms
again. "But like I said, just talkin' it out helped immensely. That's
why I think it's worth a shot."

"Scoring is a trauma too. Or losing someone to Thread." D'ren thought
of I'ster and how the young rider's death still weighed on him.

A'kua twitched. "Don't remind me," he muttered, and started examining
Zeiranth again. "Still, Zelltye's easy to reach, so I hope he's able
to help you too."

"I'll think about it." Maybe in a few sevendays if things didn't get better.

A'kua just nodded. He knew the end of a conversation when he heard
one. Still, he hoped D'ren would reach out after all. He deserved the
help.

Last updated on the October 27th 2017

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Can't Find The Words.