Shadowchaser

Writers: Leigh M-F.
Date Posted: 30th May 2016

Characters: Eionen, Erisalle
Description: Sometimes, there are no happy endings.
Location: Citrus Bay Hold
Date: month 6, day 28 of Turn 8
Notes: A'kua, Firelloa, Bellarria

He well and truly did not want to do this. But he had to. He'd gotten some information from a few Hold residents. Now he was trudging along the same dirt path that he used to take to go to the home of Eridaten's parents, Datenbi and Erimau. He had been told Erisalle had been sent back to her parents' cothold once her fostering was over, and her cousin Eridaten had been sent back to his parents here because his fostering period had ended as well. That had explained a lot about how the deception had been maintained.

Everywhere he looked, Eionen found a memory he had tried to put aside. Everything was so achingly familiar even though things had changed in this area. The orange grove was bigger now, and looked well tended. Datenbi and Erimau had taken such pride in it; it provided fresh fruit for the holders and tithes. More than once, Eionen had been tempted to gorge himself sick on the sweet pulp and juice. He wondered if they still tasted as wonderful. He could have reached over the low stone fences and plucked one off a branch, like he had so many times before, but he refrained.

The stone cottage with the metal roof hadn't changed much, but there were rosy pink curtains at the windows instead of green, and a small herb garden under one of them. A man was chasing a little boy around, both of them laughing. "Can't catch me!" the boy was singing out, and the man was saying "I'm going to get youuuu! Going to get my little trundlebug!"

Eionen paused a foot from the rickety wood gate at the end of the path. That man- His heart thudded with a wrenching, agonizing love and painful recognition. "Erisa-"

No. No, that wasn't her. But the unfinished name was enough to get the man's attention, and he paused in the catch-you-chase-me game to look toward the gate. It was as if time froze. His eyes, those beautiful gray eyes, were still the same. The brown hair with blond hints, while cropped short now, was still wavy and glossy. "Eionen?" the man asked incredulously, his voice a low, smooth baritone.

The harper smiled shakily. "Aye," he said huskily, and an awkward pause inserted itself between them. Eionen swallowed hard as he came closer to rest a hand on the gate. "You- You've changed a lot." If he blinked, he could see Erisalle on the backs of his eyelids; so petite, so poised, so lovely in her dresses with the sweeping hems and high collars, with the pretty shawls draped about her arms. Eionen couldn't reconcile that with this tall, broad-shouldered man with stubble on his jaw.

But it was she.

The man half smiled. "You haven't changed at all."

"I guess not." Eionen lifted his hand to crack his knuckles nervously. "But other things have changed. I'm told you're married now. Congratulations." The sentiment wasn't sincere.

The half smile didn't waver. "You don't mean that."

Had it been that obvious? How embarrassing. Eionen was supposed to be a better actor than that. "I'm sor-"

"Don't be." Eridaten moved a little closer too. "It's a comfortable arrangement, and she loves me, and I like her well enough."

His speaking voice was still so captivating. He never could sing, but he spoke well. Eionen's nails bit into the gate. "But you don't love her."

"No." Eridaten shrugged. "It's a pity. She's a good woman."

Silence fell over them. Somewhere, the little boy had hidden and was giggling over eluding his papa.

"I've missed you," Eionen finally said.

Eridaten almost laughed. "And yet you never came back until now."

"How could I? You lied to me from the beginning," the harper snapped. "If you had just told me, I could have still been your friend and teacher." But not her lover or husband. He kept going despite how much the thought hurt. "How were you planning on keeping me in the dark once we got married?"

The holder smirked sadly. "You'd be surprised what you can get away with when the lights are out. It might have worked for a year or two, and I would have been glad to have you for that short span of time. Besides, you always were very, very good at seeing what you wanted to see. If you wanted to see beauty and potential in someone, you chased that ideal. If you saw someone who wasn't worth your time, then that person might as well not have existed in your world. And if you wanted to see the perfect wife, I would have given you that. I wanted to be that for you."

"How could you be?" Eionen asked darkly.

"By any means possible, because Erisalle was the truth. This-" Eridaten pointed to himself, "this is the lie, Eionen. Erisalle is who I should have been from birth. But this Ancients-cursed body-" He paused, a look of incredible pain on his face. "It hurt like nothing else when adolescence finally caught up to me after you were gone. It was horrible to hear my voice crack, to start growing facial hair, and to start getting such wide shoulders. I am literally living a lie every single day, and I loathe it more than I can ever properly express." The farmer shook his head. "And you- When you touched me, gave me that startled look, and shoved me back.... I knew you could never understand. But no one does anyway."

Part of a slat on the gate snapped off under Eionen's fingers, splinters piercing his flesh. "I'm sorry," he croaked.

Eridaten snorted. "You're years too late for that."

"I'm years too late for everything these days," Eionen said bitterly, remembering A'kua's loathing and willingness to laugh at his sire's heartbreak, and Bellarria telling him Firelloa had been taken to Dragonsfall Weyr to be with her brother.

"Then why did you come back?" Eridaten challenged.

"Because I still love you!" Eionen snarled. "Because I could never forget you! Every woman I was with, I was just chasing your shadow, looking for a you I could marry. I said I never wanted to marry and have children, but that was a lie. I meant I never wanted that with anyone but you!"

"Eridaten?" a woman called from the house, and the door opened to let her into the sunshine. She was small and curvaceous, and so pregnant it seemed amazing she could still stand. "Love, who are you talking to?"

Eridaten looked over his shoulder. "Dear, go back to bed," he called. "The healer said you need to rest."

The woman shaded her eyes with her hand. "But Ariten came in the back way and said you stopped playing to talk to someone. He hid and you didn't find him."

"I'm not talking to anyone important," the farmer replied. "He's just lost, so I'm giving him directions. He'll be on his way shortly."

"So he won't be staying for lunch?"

"No, dear. Don't trouble yourself, all right? Now come on, please go back to bed. The last thing we need is for you to go into labor while you're trying to make someone lunch."

The woman chuckled. "Okay," she said, and closed the door.

Eridaten shook his head, turning back to Eionen, who had finally noticed the splinters and was working them from his skin with his teeth. "She's due any moment now," the farmer said. "You're not worth the effort of keeping her on her feet."

The harper spat out the last splinter. "So that's it?"

"That's it. You should go now."

A boulder crushed Eionen's heart. Then again, he wasn't sure what else he had expected. He bowed his head, trudging back the way he had come. He didn't know how far he had gotten when he heard the gate slam and boots come pounding after him. He turned, dropping his travel-bag in time to catch Erisalle as she threw her arms around him, and then they were kissing desperately, passionately, and it was like being hit by lightning, like flying a-dragonback, like diving into whitewater rapids cold as crystal and being swept away.

It was like nothing had changed. Eionen's soul was seared by love so intense it was excruciating, and he clung to Erisalle like he was drowning as they feasted on each other for the first time in so long, so very, very long-

Ancients, why....

The harper let the farmer go, taking two steps back. To do so nearly killed him. "I'm sorry, Erisalle," he said hoarsely, tears burning his cheeks. "I can't."

The woman gulped. "Why not?" she demanded.

Eionen brushed at her own tears with shaking hands. "I love you, but I- I don't want your body."

Erisalle half smiled again. So sad. So unbelievably sad. "It's okay," she whispered. "I don't either. And I guess it really is too late anyway. Be well, Eionen."

"Be well, Erisalle," Eionen murmured, picked up his bag, and walked off.

He had never looked back before, so he didn't this time. But if he had, he would have seen Erisalle watching him until he vanished from sight.

They never spoke again.

Last updated on the June 9th 2016

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Shadowchaser