Not So Musical Interlude

Writers: Chelle, Leigh M-F.
Date Posted: 1st February 2016

Characters: A'kua, Nokala
Description: Nokala was right. A'kua wishes she wasn't.
Location: Dragonsfall Weyr
Date: month 3, day 28 of Turn 8
Notes: Mentioned: ONPC Eionen, NPC Shastia.

The blank page was mocking him. The longer A'kua stared at it, the more he wanted to throw it, his gitar, and his charcoal pencils across the common room. He dropped his elbows onto the table and his face into his hands, fingers digging into his scalp. He didn't want to do this, but he had to. **Zei?**

His dragon, who had been dozing, blearily asked }:Bwuh?:{

**Will you be okay here for a little while?**

}:Huh? Aye, sure, whu'ver,:{ Zeiranth mumbled. }:I'm not clingy like.... like.... wha's that plant you told me 'bout?:{

A'kua almost smiled. **A clingin' vine.**

}:Aye, that. Jus' come back before lights out.:{

**Sure.** A'kua got up, pocketed book and pencil, picked up the gitar, and strode to Nokala's office, hoping she was putting in some late work.

The harper wasn't exactly known for her late nights spent in her office. However, she could be found elsewhere usually-like the room she did most of her composing in. It was quiet and there was a fire going in the fireplace. She was in a chair, scribbling furiously on the table. The hide looked well used. Absorbed in her work, she didn't hear the approaching steps at first.

"Hey," A'kua greeted once he was close enough. "You busy?"

Recognizing the voice, she turned slowly and then stretched her cramped up limbs. Putting down her quill, she gave a soft smile. Wondering why A'kua was so far from the barracks, she searched his face but found no immediate signs of distress. "Mmm no. Just scribbling. Take a seat and tell me a story." That was her way of saying he could talk if he wanted.

A'kua grabbed the nearest chair, dragged it a little closer, and sat down, taking out his composition book and opening it to the blank page. He had written a score sheet, but that was it. "You-" He swallowed hard. "You were right. I hate to say it, but you were. I've been starin' at that page ever since the evenin' free time started, but I can't think of a single word. I- I want to write somethin' about how angry I am, but- but when I try, I feel so much hate. I heard him out; I learned too many things to ever think of my ma the same way, and more besides. I thought I could work through it by writin', but the hate's in the way and I dunno how to make it stop." He looked into his teacher's eyes, a lost, hopeless expression on his face. "What can I do?"

Making a small noise, Nokala seemed to think about what he'd said. It didn't really matter much what was said about his mother and his father. The issue was him. "The way to move on and make peace is different for each situation and every person. Usually, though, if you can manage to understand and accept even a small part, eventually you can work yourself through the larger part and get done with the rest. So....where is the hate directed toward?" She thought she knew but she wanted to hear him say it-to admit it out loud to himself. Talking about things usually helped too.

"Him," A'kua said, and drew a shaky breath. "Him, and me. Even- Even a little at her. I-I wish I were someone else's son. I don't want to be related to either of them. But it's not possible."

"No it's not. Just because you're related to them by blood doesn't mean you share all those things with them. And everyone has relatives they maybe don't like or have problems with." She could think of a few of her Aunts that were absolutely impossible. "Now that you know what you know, why him? And why her? Are they things that you can do anything about?" Her eyes were bright, showing a shrewd intelligence behind them. She was taking this in slow steps though. The easiest solution wasn't always the best, nor was the quickest.

"Isn't it obvious? They made the wrong choices," A'kua said unhappily. "And no, there's nothin' I can do. It's just like bein' back at the hold, with bein' unable to do anythin' but be angry and lash out. I felt helpless then. I feel the same way now. I thought I wouldn't have to feel that way again because things are so much better here."

"Is that a real reason to hate them? Because they made mistakes? We've all made those." She took another tact, pushing his thoughts into another direction. "But it's not like being back at the Hold. Because people here don't think of you the same way. We don't know that person. We know A'kua, rider of bronze Zeiranth, who is smart and funny and talented. And you deserve and receive our respect because of it. You have a few options available-like channeling the hate into physical labor for awhile till it gets weaker." That was something she usually saw men do versus women, but sometimes it helped. She had done the same thing with running when it had been called for. "Or you can think about the fact all it does is harm you, not them, and decide that's not something you need. Replace it with love. You love Zeiranth right? Let that fill you instead. And make better choices than they did. You have a clean slate here, you know? Why not use that?"

"It's not just me," A'kua said. "I'm not the only one he's hurt. Nokala, I- I might have a sister through him. He admitted it. I don't have confirmation yet, but the thought that- that maybe she's goin' through what I have hurts too. I know it's not like bein' there, but I still feel the same, and I want it to stop. I was tired of bein' the angry, bitter, hateful holdboy who couldn't trust someone unless he could hurt them first then, and I'm sick of it now. Punchin' walls and talkin' to people and tryin' to keep my head above water isn't helpin'. I need the music. I _want_ the music, but I can't reach it, all because I ran from everythin' I hated and it found me anyway. Please, tell me how I can get it back."

"Could be you need to make a different kind of music. Have you ever heard Daro's Lament? All that pain and suffering.... but even in the suffering, it was beautiful. When you're ready, it'll come. In the meantime, instead of writing your own-just play. Play things you know already. I do that when I'm blocked and it gets things flowing again." The mention of a sister was a very bothersome thing. Nokala had been weyrbred so the notion of halfsiblings one never knew wasn't unheard of. However, this was different. "I can...what do you know? I could make a few inquiries. I am a harper after all."

Going back to the basics and covering things he knew sounded like a good idea. He had never heard Daro's Lament, but perhaps Nokala had sheet music for it. He opened his mouth to ask, only to sit back in surprise at the offer. That was unexpected. "Well, not much," he admitted. "He didn't know much, so what little he knew is what I got. Her name is Firelloa; she's thirteen now. He indicated she's from a small hold in Dolphin Cove territory."

"Allright. Don't get your hopes up. It might take some time, but I'll try." She closed her eyes and committed the name to memory. Quietly, she wondered if this girl had any similarity to A'kua. If she had talent, then it might be worth it. Besides, what if the girl had had worse parenting?

"It's okay. I need the time to figure out what it means to be a good brother," A'kua admitted. "I know I can't take care of her and Zeiranth at the same time if we are related, but I- I want to be involved in her life if she needs me."

"She may not come here, you know. She may have family there and want to stay. So don't worry too much about it till we know something. You might just be a visiting brother." There was also the possibility that the girl knew nothing of her father and everything might come as a shock. She may not want a dragonrider brother, though Nokala doubted that distinct possibility. "So that's a worry for another day. Let's go find you some good tunes to practice on later." She got up and brushed off her skirt, gathering her hides and writing implements. There was a small lap harp on the table too.

"I can live with that." As long as Firelloa knew there was someone out there who cared for her, he truly could. He stood as well, leaving gitar and writing supplies for now, and joined Nokala, feeling a little better.

Last updated on the February 9th 2016

Welcome to Triad Weyrs!

Not So Musical Interlude